Man learns his two oldest children are not his; says, 'everything is a lie.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to take my kids' calls after finding out my wife committed paternity fraud?"
My wife (50F) and I (52M) have not been getting along for the past 5 years. In fact, of our 15 year marriage, around 8 of them were spent with zero intimacy. Around 5 years ago, I tried to broach the idea of an amicable divorce but my wife would not have it.
She cried, refused to do housework or even acknowledge the kids. She is a SAHM and I work 55+ hours a week as a concierge supervisor at a hotel. I nearly lost my job from the stress of that period.
She finally said that she would divorce after all the kids (14F, 13F, 10M) left the house, and I just gave up and hoped things would pick up. So we settle back to me dealing with demanding guests during the day, hoping my $60k a year can turn into $65k one day, and then coming home to a cold, sarcastic wife.
There were times when I found somebody else attractive, but I never acted on those feelings. I just thought about my kids and how I needed to continue to love my wife because she was their mom. And how I could sleep at night knowing I was keeping their parents under one roof.
Then one day I come home to my wife crying. She tells me that she has been unfaithful. And that from age 24 to age 33, she was dating a married man 30 years older than her, but they rekindled their affair a few months after we married.
She told me that we were very poor at the time and that he got her a job at a company and helped supplement her salary with cash gifts, and I never knew about it. All this time I thought it was leasing commissions.
And she tells me that he just died and in the state of Louisiana all biological kids under 24 have a claim to his estate. He stayed with his long suffering wife and refused to acknowledge the girls but my wife said she took my DNA without me knowing a long time ago and that they are not mine, but my son is.
To say I was furious was an understatement. I know part of the reasons she stayed with me is because I had hopes of starting a business but life got in the way. But now that she can sue a rich man's estate she tells me and doesn't seem to care that I filed for divorce the next day.
I left the house within the hour and am now renting a place. Just going to work and circling the drain of depression. It's been a few weeks and my lawyer keeps telling me to make contact with my kids and work out a custody arrangement.
I actually did take a few things that could be used for a DNA test- paid for it to be run only to confirm that only my son is mine. My wife didn't care that I did so.
After it all went down, I started getting calls, starting once a day but now several times a day ( actually 8 calls this morning) from my two oldest 'kids.' Them leaving me messages crying saying they wanted to talk.
But they aren't actually my kids- everything is a lie and I blow up at anybody who tries to convince me otherwise. My son is too young to call, but he was in one of the messages too. I want to pick up the phone and tell them to leave me alone. They do not feel like family to me right now. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
This is way way way beyond Reddit.
Yeah, this guy needs heavy duty therapy now.
As well as the kids. They are the victims here. At this point in the game, the girls ARE his kids, regardless of DNA. He raised them.
Yes, THIS! You are a victim, yes, but so are your children. You're the only father they've known, and now they also feel that their world has fallen apart. It isn't their fault. Don't make this worse for them by not taking their calls.
Kids I love you but I can't be there right now. I've learned something about your mother that means we have to be apart. Then you get therapy and recognize that biologically or not you have been their only dad since birth and cutting them out is absolute cruelty. The wife absolutely her actions are unforgivable but the kids are innocent and terrified.
He may not be the biological father but he is the real dad. Anyone can father a child. A man earns the title of dad. You did that big time. You put their needs before yours and took care of and loved them more than yourself. Genetics only have meaning if you give it.