Husband asks for paternity test for 'reassurance;' wife says, 'you schedule it then.'
"Am I wrong for telling my husband the only way I will agree to a paternity test is if he schedules it."
Relative_Pay_1127
I (30) have been married to my husband (36m) for 5 years. I am currently 4 months pregnant. This wasn't a surprise pregnancy we planned it and actively tried to get pregnant. So, it came out of left field when a few weeks ago, my husband told me he wanted a paternity test.
I asked him how he or why he thinks I am cheating on him. He said he didn't think I was. But that makes absolutely no sense. I asked him to explain how this child could not be his if he is the only person I slept with and I didn't cheat on him. He had no answer for that. I was a mess for a few days afterward.
Once I calmed down, I told him that if he wanted to get the test, then he could schedule it and tell me where and when to be there. He asked me if I could be the one to make the appointment.
I told him no. He is the one questioning the paternity so he can make the appointment. He tried explaining again that he wasn't questioning paternity he just wants to "have reassurance".
I told him I don't care anymore about his explinations but if he wants to have "reassurance" he can do the legwork. He asked if I could at least find a number for him to call and I told him no.
I still have no idea why he thinks I am that kind of person, I haven't done anything to betray his trust. But it has been at least a week and he hasn't made any appointment and last time I asked he told me he was "working on it".
His sister came over this morning after he left for work and told me that she was told everything and that I need to just put him out of his misery and do the test. I told her I would take the test he just had to schedule it.
She told me I was being awful for not just making the appointment myself. But I am not the one who is questioning who the baby's father is. I don't think I should have to make the appointment but I want to get an impartial opinion before he comes home today.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Katana1369
NTA. He's accusing you of cheating. He needs to schedule the appointment.
The OP responded here:
Relative_Pay_1127
That is my thought as well but he keeps saying that he isn't accusing me of cheating but that makes no sense at all!
Hachiko75
Maybe he's cheating. Something is going on on his end.
EdwinaArkie
You’re not wrong and you’re not his secretary. Is he lazy and incompetent about other things?
The OP again responded:
Relative_Pay_1127
Not, really? I usually make all the appointments for him but I typically don't mind doing that because it was part of what we talked about when I became a stay at home wife.
Shiel009
Then tell him you made an appointment- but make it with a couples therapist. Bc you need a safe space to explain why he’s being an AH and that the division of labor is gonna change in the relationship- you are about to be the mom to the baby not your incompetent husband. He has access to the internet at the tip of his fingers literally- he can google just as quickly and easily as you can.
Humble_Pen_7216
NTA. He's cheating on you and projecting. I'd be calling a lawyer.
clearheaded01
Hes accusing you of cheating - and his sisters input reveals that its (in part) originating with his family. Honestly im surprised youre settling with insisting on him making the appointment. Other redditors faces with the same request from their spouses delivered the divorce papers with the results of the test...
Not saying you should do that - however... how would he react if he learned you were consulting with lawyers because of his request??? Regardless - he wants the test, he arranges it... no matter what, never let him forget he asked this from you...
Ok-Many4262
He can schedule the appointment, in the meantime, schedule your own appointment with a family lawyer, have divorce papers drawn up. Give them to him with the DNA results. This is a full nine alarm conflagration of red flags.
Get everything all watertight and packed so you can be moved out leaving him with the paperwork. Do not be swayed by anymore BS out of his mouth. It sounds like a close friend/family member has been in his ear- and if it’s that easy to influence him, what sort of protector or parent will he be for your child-especially as his default is to question your morals and loyalty.