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Child's bullying exposed in viral social media post by victim's mom. AITA?

Child's bullying exposed in viral social media post by victim's mom. AITA?

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"AITA for being upset with how a parent reacted to my child bullying their child?"

abovethesink

This morning we began to receive screenshots of a following message posted publicly on Facebook by a fellow parent. I will type it out verbatim down to the grammar and capitalization. For context, both boys are in 8th grade.

"This is a PSA to all parents. Actually parent your kids and pay the attention to what are doing, especially on social media. My son doesn't have it and yet somehow he's getting bullied on there and in school almost EVERY DAY.

Please, by all means, tag the parents of the kid (upper left hand corner of the picture) that decided to post this all over Snapchat basically calling my kid fat. I'd love to have a conversation with them!!"

The top left corner was my son's name and profile picture. The Snapchat in question reads like a fat joke, like she noted. It is a picture of her son from behind and is stylized like the ranking of a high school basketball or football player being ranked for college recruiting.

It says five stars, has the ESPN logo, and calls him the "#1 Eater in the Class of 2028." My son very much appears to be the AH here. I doubt very much that he is going to be able to defend this and will receive the appropriate hell.

With that said, am I crazy to think this was handled wildly inappropriately by the other boy's mother? Calling out a child on social media, even a guilty one, seems pretty nuts to me.

On top of that, it is hard to read the post as anything else as a public critique of our parenting which she obviously knows nothing about. She also had other means of finding us. Her husband has coached our son in baseball and they go to school together.

My wife contacted her apologizing and asking her to remove the identifying details of the post. To the other child's mother's credit, she gave a long and reasonable response that I will again type out.

"Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate it. I will also let you know being totally transparent I am going to school to have it handled. You are absolutely correct kids should not have to go through this. I will remove a portion of the post and remove his name.

However I am leaving the post as a message to everyone that people just need to be more aware of what their kids are doing. We live in a cruel world and people need to know that kids and their use of social media needs to be addressed. So many kids are being bullied and it doesn't always lead to a good outcome.

Again I appreciate you reaching out. And please know that my whole post is directed as parents as a whole and this just happened to be the straw that broke me as a parent."

Like I said, not a bad response. However, I wanted to see how the post was changed and tried to add her on Facebook. She declined the request as far as I can tell. It does not show up in my sent friend requests anymore and I don't have the option to add her on her profile. I still feel upset by what she did. Am I the AH here?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

DGinLDO

YTA. You’re more worried about your child being outed as a bully on social than his actions. Basically he FAFO’d. The other parent did agree to remove identifying information, which is what your wife requested. Discipline your kid.

Fionaelaine4

Why is your son allowed to bully someone on social media/publicly but someone can’t point out the bullying publicly OP?!?!

Humble_Plantain_5918

This might have been appropriate if they'd already brought it to OP's attention and they did nothing about it, but this is the first they'd heard of the issue. Smearing drama all over social media without bringing up the issue to the people in charge of the problem, whether that's a kid or anything else, is not okay.

BeeYehWoo

I dont think what she did was wrong. Shame sucks doesnt it? This is a far better lesson to both you and your kid than you could have ever imagined. If your son can publicly make fun and bully another kid, then its fair comeuppance for your kid to be publicly identified.

You are more worried with the shame you experienced than what your kid did. The mother even agreed to remove the tagging information but leave the post. You were treated fairly and appropriately. YTA.

Homologous_Trend

If someone wants the parents to take responsibility for their child's bad behaviour, they could notify the parents and the school about this first and see what the response is before going public. Vigilante justice before establishing the facts is a terrible idea.

I remember another post on AITA where everyone told the OP to support their bullied child and to cut off another relatives child. It turns out that the incident the OP was responding to was in fact a response to the long term bullying of the other child by her daughter.

The whole thing completely blew up in the OP's face. First you get the truth and that means giving the accused the to respond, then if the response is inadequate, sure go ahead with the public shaming.

As a teacher I am so very tired of reactive parents who respond before they have the faintest idea of what actually happened. They blow up at the teacher. They get the facts. They are 100% wrong.

They back down. I have never had an apology from this sort of parent. And then the relationship between the parent and teacher is permanently damaged. As a first step, this was a terrible idea.

The OP responded here:

abovethesink

I get why this keeps getting said. I made the post about the other parent's actions, not my own kid's actions. To be clear though, I am much, much more concerned about his actions. It is just that they are cut and dry. He did a terrible thing and needs to be taught otherwise.

There is no point in making a post about that. Who would disagree with the notion that the bully is bad? I thought the other parents' actions were more subjective, however, and it does seem to have played out that way. There is a lot of variance in the replies.

Eliza-Day

She removed his name. She handled the whole situation well. She does not need to add you on Facebook. What else did you want her to do?

So, do you think this situation was handled inappropriately? How would you have recommended they solve this bullying issue?

Sources: Reddit
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