'AITA for not wanting my ex to spend my child support on her other kids and taking her to court?'
"AITA for not wanting my ex to spend my child support on her other kids and taking her to court?"
Recent_Beginning_23
AITA? I have a four year old with my ex. We have 75/25 to now 50/50 to now me having full physical custody. She had twins with her fiance the beginning of this year but then they broke up. They’re almost a year old now. I'm remarried as well.
Ever since she had the twins, my daughter has become second (or i guess third) to her mom. She comes to my house unbathed, dirty clothes, no bag with her. She claims she is stressed with twins (I get it) and “broke”. I asked how is she broke when I pay her $1,200 a month in child support?
She says one of her twins has medical issues and the other requires a certain formula and the money goes quickly with all their groceries. I told her that's not my concern and the money she gets is PLENTY to have our daughter three weeks out of the month.
I told her to put her ex on child support and she says he left the country. I actually searched him up and he is traveling through Australia…I asked my ex for an extra week then and she agreed.
Our custody is a court order but I didn't feel the need to actually go to the court to modify it. A few months ago after an argument when she missed pick up because supposedly it was too stressful to put her kids in the car she threatened to get my payments increased since I got a new promotion.
I knew she was saying it to get me mad and wasn't going to actually do it but I was pi$$ed and went ahead to file for full physical custody and got it. My child support was lowered to $600 which is ridiculous since she only gets her once a week now which is now just one weekend.
I'm asking if Im an a^%le because the pay cut is affecting her twins life and shes now in debt with insurance and prescription price and shes claiming I stole our daughter from her because shes poor. A lot of people we mutually know are saying Im being a petty a*&le. The money wasn't hurting me but it was the principle. I'm starting to feel bad now though. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
zparrowhawk
NTA. You are ensuring your child is cared for. That is your responsibility. Your ex is responsible for her other children. As long as you are not denying her access to your shared child, you are not responsible for taking care of her other children.
swiftcoffeerunner
Tell your ex to get child support from the twins father too.
Edit: I still stand by this as OP cares more than the kids own dad, but this comment actually has strong “took a red eye” vibe.
kol_al
NTA You didn't "steal" your daughter and the change wasn't because your ex is poor. You took custody of your daughter because your ex was allowing your daughter to suffer.
Everyone involved knows that even the 600$ isn't being used for anything for your daughter. If her twins need more care, she should look into social benefits and pursuing their father for support.
Adventurous-Try1728
This. OP, your priority is your daughter - the only thing that matters here is that there was a 4 year old child being neglected by her mother. You got full custody for a darn good reason - because her mother was not capable of providing the care she desperately needs.
Mom needs to go to court and file for child support from the father - that way when he steps foot back in the country they can have the court ordered child support documentation in place to immediately garnish his wages.
All those people criticizing you - they need to be helping her file for WIC, for food stamps, for rental assistance and for every form of financial assistance they can. But your job is to focus on and protect your child. Her child support was reduced because she is not in care of the child, so no financial support for your child is necessary since she does not have her.
llama_llama_48213
Wait. The twins' father is off living his best life and you're being accused of being a petty AH for ensuring the courts acknowledge your payments for YOUR child, and YOUR child only?
I don't mean to be mean, because I have kids of my own...but those twins aren't your kids. That's that. Stick to this and let her and her man figure out what they need to do to get their act together. (How the f&ck are people just going to disregard Australian traveler from his responsibilities?)
latents
"The money wasn't hurting me but it was the principle."
No... "Ever since she had the twins, my daughter has become second (or i guess third) to her mom. She comes to my house unbathed, dirty clothes, no bag with her."
Your daughter was not receiving appropriate care. As her father you were obligated to step in and care for her. Presumably your ex's needs have now been brought to the attention of the court since you were awarded custody.
Perhaps with the reduced support she will qualify for assistance programs she couldn't access before? Perhaps the courts will assist her with forcing her new ex to pay for his children's needs. NTA.
BlueGreen_1956
NTA. She should be paying YOU child support now. Child support that is used for anything other than the child in question is FRAUD.