Family devastated when they learn daughter secretly got herself sterilized. AITA?
"AITAH for not telling my parents and family that I got sterilized?"
I want to know if I was wrong for keeping this from my family, especially my parents. I'm not asking if having the surgery makes me an a**hole so don't tell me I'm too young or might change my mind. I'm only asking about me not telling my family.
I recently got sterilized. I had what is called a bilateral salpingectomy (or bislap). It's a permanent form of sterilization, my fallopian tubes were removed. I didn't tell anyone I was having it done except for a few of my friends.
I didn't tell my family and never planned to. I'm in university. I had the surgery right after my exams were all done. I'm going into my third and final year and I wanted to have this taken care of before I graduate next summer.
I come from a huge traditional Italian family. Marriage and having children are very important in my family. I don't think I ever want to get married and I definitely don't ever want to have kids. Even the fact that I moved out before I'm married was a big deal.
I don't want to completely cut my family off because I do love them. I just keep them at arms length. They found out because someone went through my papers and found my discharge instructions during a visit to my place.
I'm not sure who it was, no one will tell me. Everyone is furious, disappointed, sad etc. My mom cried and my parents are especially angry. I'm 20, I haven't lived with them for two years and I don't plan to ever again.
Was I wrong for not telling them? I didn't plan to ever tell them so I'm flying blind here. They are not only angry I didn't tell them but angry I had the surgery period. I never expected my family to know.
Edited to add: I bolded the part in my first paragraph because some people still aren't getting it.
I have four sisters and four brothers. My oldest three sisters and oldest three brothers are all married and they all have kids. My younger brother (age 19) and my younger sister (age 18) aren't married yet because they are still students like me.
But all of my siblings are like my parents and they want as many kids as possible. My oldest sibling is only 29. My parents will be grandparents for the 11th time soon. They will have lots of grandchildren.
My dad has five brothers. All of uncles have lots of kids. On that side of the family, I easily have over 60 cousins. The family name is in no danger of dying out. It's the same for my mom's side. Also I am aware that in non-traditional families women can also carry on the family name.
I found my doctor on the list of childfree friendly doctors in the childfree subreddit. I had no issues getting the surgery and it was covered by OHIP.
The hospital/doctor didn't leak anything. I bolded the part of my original post where I said what happened. One of my relatives snooped in my things/papers while they were visiting my place and saw my discharge papers. It had nothing to do with the hospital and since I'm not American HIPAA isn't relevant.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. It's none of their business. Your reproductive status is up to you and you don't need their approval and they don't need to even know.
NTA and I’m glad you were able to find a doctor willing to listen to you. Mine always refused on the grounds that I “might change my mind”.
NTA. It was a personal choice that doesn't reasonably affect them. They may want you to get married and have kids, but that's your choice, not their's.
It’s really not their business NTA.
NTA Telling them wouldn't have changed anything. They are just upset for the not telling because they feel like they could have changed your mind. It will take them a long time for some of them to accept they never could have changed your mind.
Nta. Honestly people need to get their heads out their asses and stop acting like females are just supposed to pop out kids.
NTA, It's private medical info. The only person besides yourself that has any right to know is someone who is entering a serious relationship with you where they would need to be aware ahead of time that having kids isn't going to be possible.