Woman won't let 'deadbeat' ex claim kid on taxes; 'you can't pick when you're a dad.'
"AITA for not letting my daughters dad claim her on his taxes"
HannahBananas420
So I've been raising my daughter for 4 years with no financial help from her father. He's seen her maybe 2 days out of this year entirely, despite me offering weekends and holidays. He won't even let his mom see her when she's in town.
I've paid for all of her schooling, new clothes every season, food, daycare, trips, hair cuts, gas to and from school, everything alone for 4 years now. He's, unfortunately for my daughter, a deadbeat in every way.
Now, I DO have a husband whom I have 2 other kids with, and he helps me in every way her can with my daughter. He also has a daughter from another relationship so he's supporting 3 of his own biological children. We're not extremely well off but we do okay.
Well, my daughter's father asked me if he can claim her on his taxes so he can buy a car. His argument is "I have help from my husband so why should he help too?" I told him it's OUR responsibility as her parents, not my husband's, even though he has gladly stepped up to do so. We also have more people to support, where as he only supports himself.
To me, it's like he wants the financial perk of having a daughter when it suits him but none of the responsibility. Which is frustrating because I don't get to pick and choose the pros or cons of having kids. I just have to wake up every day and take it all, pros AND cons.
Trying to remain cordial, I offered to split it with him; when even that itself is awfully generous considering his lack of contribution or involvement. That wasn't enough for him. He claims "he'll use the car to come see her more" even though he's had a car the last 4 years and never came to see her.
I think it's personally a manipulative move, because he knows I'd do anything for my daughter to have a positive relationship with her father. He uses that to his advantage often. Am I the AH for not letting him? Am I just being petty or bitter?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Stranger0nReddit
NTA. Take back your offer to split. He's done jack shit, he deserves nothing.
The OP responded:
HannahBananas420
That's honestly what i'm considering. I just don't like confrontation at all.
ManagementFinal3345
NTA. The tax breaks are specifically to offset the costs of raising a child not for getting fancy cars. Since he has paid exactly zero of those costs he does not deserve to recieve any tax breaks or money for a child he does not physically or financially support. He's basically a non parent at this point.
The OP again responded:
HannahBananas420
Exactly! That's what he doesn't seem to understand. I tried to explain that to him, but he wasn't taking it as an answer.
AdmirableJudgement
NTA Why doesn't he pay child support, do you have court approved custody and support agreements? If not get busy. If he owes child support, check with the state provisions for collection.
The OP again responded:
HannahBananas420
So as of right now, he has zero rights in the state of California because we weren't married when we had her. If i go for child support he has the chance of getting 50/50. He's extremely unstable, but very well at hiding it. He won't go to court because he has a record with gang affiliation.
I'd rather just go without child support if it means keeping my child away from him for extended periods. Weekends are doable because his mom is always there on weekends and I can trust her.
Aggressive-Bed3269
NTA - You said it yourself you get all the cons, and all the pros. Your/his daughter is with you 363 days a year AND he doesn't contribute financially to her well-being in any way and he wants the full tax benefit? Pound sand imo. I can't stand deadbeat dads, but I could just be extra harsh because my gf's ex-husband is also a deadbeat and its SO annoying.