AITA for refusing to picking up my daughter's friend because I hate her mom?
"AITA for 'breaking a promise' and not taking a kid home everyday?"
MaybeLive2011
My daughter, Daisy (12), made friends with Dee (13) two years ago. Thick as thieves. Dee's mom, Bee (36?) is a single mom and struggles. When the girls started middle school, we learned the bus wasn't available to them. Walking or driving them to school is required.
The OG plan was for Bee to drive the girls to school in the morning and I would pick them up; however, that plan fell through at the start of the year, so I did both pick up and drop off for several months.
Eventually, Bee started driving Dee to school in the morning again, but never bothered to honor our OG deal, so I still took Daisy in the morning and did pick up after school for both.
Bee is also very demanding and needy. It has gotten to the point, anytime my phone dings from a FB message, my SO will ask "what does she need/want now?!" It's become a weekly thing, with times being a daily thing.
I've helped where I can, but a lot of her asks are wild. "I need money for food." "Do you know anything about x, y, or z?" (I've never given her money but have helped with giving her a old phone, with the promise it'd be returned when she got a new one. She returned it, alright, completely shattered.)
Last bit of context that is important: I am currently 5 months pregnant, suffered a knee injury when my dog decided to hide behind me by trying to go through me. Also, my kid walking home alone from school isn't a big? NO because she would have to cross two major roads that have like 10 lanes each (3 lanes each side, 2 left turn lanes/2 right turn lanes) and people in my city seem to think red lights are optional.
The issue: My car decided to just stop going vroom on my way home from picking up my son. Luckily, we were close enough to the house he was able to push it to our driveway, but left me unable to leave again to pick up the girls.
I called Bee, begging her to pick up the girls just once as a favor, but she replied, "No, I can't. Figure it out." Tried calling my SO, but he was either in meetings or at PT.
So I walked. Took me over 40 minutes to get there with my knee. By the time I got there, SO had gotten off work, so he offered to pick us up at the park next to the school. It was a semi warm day, so wasn't a huge issue.
But Daisy told me that Bee came to pick up Dee. So obviously she could get there no issues! I was PISSED, so I messaged her and told her, "From now on we should just pick up our own kid. You couldn't do me one favor in my time of need after I have helped you out with so much."
Bee blew up on me, saying I was "breaking a promise" even though I never promised anything. It was just a deal. Daisy and Dee aren't really friends much these days. Daisy says the only time they talk is when they are in my car and at school, Dee acts like Daisy doesn't even exist. So, AITA? I feel bad cause she struggles, but I feel used at this point.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
HellaShelle
NTA. I’d the girls aren’t friends anymore, then it sounds like this relationship is over all the way around. Bee “figured it out” that day, she is free to do so from here on out.
International-Lab847
NTA. Leaving Bee out of the equation, could you consider if it's good to do it for Dee? Her mother sounds like a perpetual chaos machine. Dee is still a child - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Could Dee benefit from your kindness and the stability you provide?
The OP responded here:
MaybeLive2011
Dee has been kind of closed off since this school year as started. Daisy says she has a bit of a "mean girl" reputation at school. Dee made it in with the "cool" kids this year, while Daisy has no real desire to be in that group. Daisy is more about close personal friendships rather than having 10398021 friends who may not be there for you down the line. (Kid is smarter than me.)
I know Bee loves Dee and puts her first. Her whole life and personality is about being a mother to Dee. They also have a large family in the area. I've met a few of them and they seem like decent people, so I know she experiences kindness from them.
aladin03
NTA dude and just block her. She is just using you at this point and I can’t see how you’re benefitting from this relationship at all. I hope you get well soon.
LadyCass79
NTA. When you recognize one of these folks that are very comfortable taking, always looking to grasp as much as possible but are unwilling to give, cut them out as much as possible and don't spend a moment feeling bad. As a giver, I've had to learn the hard way. Stick to your guns. Bee will always abuse kindness and end up wondering why no one wants to help her anymore.
Doktor_Seagull
NTA. If she wants to call it a promise, then she already broke it long ago. She's asked you for countless favours and gotten them, despite the ire it's causing you in your relationship. Then this one time you ask her for something and it's too much trouble for her. To pick up a child... Standing right... Next... To... Her... Child... Unbelievable! Ditch her ass and don't look back, she is a complete user.