Man won't help sister with her foster kids; says, 'I don't want to be around them.'
When a young man came to Reddit to complain about his even younger sister's expectations of him as a care-giver / favor-doer, they were totally on his side... then he kept talking.
'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for not wanting to be around kids?'
Unusual_Butterfly586 writes:
My (26M) sister (23F) has four kids in her care (5M), (5M), (11F), and (2M). All of them are her foster children.
4 kids? That's a handful for anyone, let alone a 23 year old.
She got a job promotion recently and now has longer work hours. So after they get out of preschool/elementary school, I’ve been picking them up. I get along with them fine but I don’t Iike kids in general. My family all tends to ask me to look after kids when they can’t because I get to pick my own work hours.
About a week ago my sister wanted me to take her children to school because she had to work early and I refused. I didn’t have much of a reason to, but I wanted to relax and not have to be around them.
Seems reasonable.
She got very upset and started crying because I wouldn’t do HER job as a guardian. I told her that she choose to foster those kids and she knew what she was getting into. My parents are also upset about my choice to stop valeting her kids around and have called me selfish. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?
Based on the above post, a lot of Redditors ruled NTA (not the a-hole).
Inner-Nothing7779 says:
NTA. It sounds like you're being used for free childcare. Whether you like children or not, that's pretty messed up. You are right, she chose to foster. She has to figure out how to deal with the kids. That might mean paying someone to help.
nnubuvtcc agrees:
NTA. if you want to help her out then great. but if you say no, it doesn’t make you selfish. your help shouldnt be expected. no one is entitled to your time.
But... after OP clarified some things in a since-deleted comment, the internet definitely changed their minds.
Luckily, Help24-7 quoted the most important details of OP's addition, and it gives a lot more context:
Info needed ....... Cause you left out some very important details in the post OP.
She says she’s paying me by letting me live in her house, but I help with rent so it doesn’t count.
Wait so you didn't mention you live in her home. How much in rent are you paying??? It obviously does count to her for some reason. Why?? Do you pay for the gas, electric, cable, grocery etc?? Or just chip in a rent to her?
And bigger question is..WHY are you living with her? And for how long?? Did she have any of those or previous foster kids prior to you moving in? And what rules or expectations did she have for you?
Best thing to do is to leave her house and get your own place. That way you're completely free and independent from her.... YTA
It’s not that important. I live with her because I don’t make much money and she offered. It’s very short time anyways.
I pay what I can. She should help me out because she has enough money to.
I am paying for my necessities and I help her with rent. My sister makes a ridiculous amount of money for her age. She can afford to help me out.
I think it’s unfair to say I’m making no money. I do make money just not enough to afford by own place. Do you have something against people who need extra help with living situations hmm?
So he's actually freeloading off his sister, Reddit. He's not much help money wise.. living in her home....and can't be bothered to help her out either.....
So Inner-Nothing7779 crossed out their NTA and changed their ruling.
YTA (You're the a-hole). After seeing some of your replies here, you're a god d*mned freeloader. You 'pay what you can' in rent while living with her, and expecting her to help you out because she makes a lot more money than you do.
You should be helping out as much as you can as thanks for your LITTLE SISTER being so nice as to let you live there. Beggars cannot be choosers. You are a beggar.
As did nnubuvtcc:
EDIT AFTER INFO: YTA.
SigSauerPower320 feels the same:
I was right there with you. But you decided to leave out the fact that you’re living with her. The least you can do is help her by carting the kids around. Also, what kind of AH moves into a house with 4 kids when they don’t even really like kids? That’s like hating rain and moving to Colombia (country with the most rainfall per year in the world).
InkedAlly scolds OP:
YTA. You‘re living at your sister‘s place almost for free. Just with 'chipping in what you can“. And your reason why it doesn‘t matter is because your 'sister has enough money“. Well, in this case you have enough time to help her out so she can earn the money that she needs for her household. Including you.
OP defends himself:
Again, I don’t have to pay much rent because I’m one person living in that house. And I should get to choose what I do with my free time.
And Help24-7, once again, is having none of it:
You're literally hurting your sister and those kids OP. She asked for the help because she needs it. And seeing HOW MUCH she is covering for your...it's the least you could do...instead you threw it back in her face and told her to eff off.
Now she's stuck paying for help with the kids And YOU OP ....she was counting on you to be decent and do the right thing. Family helps family... You expected that from her...... But apparently she's not allowed to expect that from you.
OP's response?
They’ll live.
So! There you have it.
OP made it perfectly clear that he's not only the a-hole, but a mooch. Good luck, OP's sister!