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'AITA for yelling at my DIL for missing her own son's birth because of work?'

'AITA for yelling at my DIL for missing her own son's birth because of work?'


"AITA I yelled at my daughter-in-law for missing her own son's birth? (my daughter gave birth)"


This is pretty simple in my opinion. My (58F) daughter (I'll call her Amber 28F) and her wife (Chloe 32F) decided to have a baby. Amber was due next week and asked me to come and stay with her a few days ago until her giving birth.

I gladly did. All this time, Chloe (who is a doctor) worked crazy hours and barely paid Amber any attention. I kept it to myself and thought it would be best if I didn't say anything about it.

Two days ago Amber's water broke and I rushed her to the hospital. She gave birth a week earlier than expected and she needed to have an emergency c-section. All this time I was trying to reach Chloe and she was not available.

She showed up a few hours after the birth and said she was sorry she was in the OR and didn't have her phone with her at the time. I got really mad and called her irresponsible, said it was crazy that she misses her own son's birth and asked her to explain what would have happened if Amber had some kind of a complication during the c-section.

Chloe said she couldn't let someone die under her supervision because of this and made it as soon as she could. I still can't believe she obviously doesn't prioritize Amber or her son but my poor daughter thinks otherwise. She has rose coloured glasses on whenever Chloe is around.

Anyway, ever since, Amber told me I was out of line and needed to apologise to her wife. She said Chloe already felt horrible and it was not her fault. Chloe hasn't said a word to me and by the way she still goes to the hospital and doesn't seem to care that her son is here. Was I really the AH here?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


YTA- your daughter asked you to stay with her, probably knowing her wife was not able to stop taking call because of her work. Surgeons work brutal hours. Is Chloe still in residency?

At 32 it seems likely that she’s either in residency or a very junior position, and probably on call all the time. If Amber is feeling like her emotional needs are met, don’t create problems where they don’t exist.


Exactly she's working hard to build a life with a career and baby arriving is medical bill, nursery fees and a whole life to pay for. Working a ton during the weeks before the baby is due is being a great parent.


YES and Amber is pregnant, not an invalid. Having her mother there was probably strategic in case of an emergency like this.


Was she supposed to leave someone open on the operating table so she could watch the miracle of childbirth? YTA, being a doctor isn’t like other jobs.


Gotta switch the role and ask OP how they would feel if his daughter was on the operation table and the doctor just up and left. OP is an AH for sure. I thought this was going to be a normal desk job, but we're talking about a doctor here.


You wrote all that out and didn’t see you are the ahole? Think about it like this, if the Doctor that performed the c-section had been in Chloe’s shoes and got a page that their wife was in labour would it be okay for that doctor to just leave your daughter on the OR table and go?

Sounds like your daughter understands that her Wife is a doctor and that means sometimes they have to miss life events. It isn’t great, but it’s part of the job. You calling her out on it makes you an asshole. You should apologize to avoid this becoming a bigger problem than it currently and avoid potentially creating a rift between you and your daughter.


YTA. How would you have felt if the surgeon who was doing your daughters C-section stopped what they were doing to take a call and then just left? The nature of the job she does means that this is just a part of their life and it sounds like your daughter accepts that.

Yes, it is a shame that the US (I assume you are in the US) doesn't have decent parental leave and that people can't afford to do things like take weeks of leave in case the baby is born early or to stay and support once the baby is born but that is a US societal issue, not a behaviour issue on the people affected.


YTA. She’s a physician. We miss events sometimes. Big ones. It sucks. Hopefully, our families understand. When we miss something, it’s because someone else’s family takes priority. Would you have understood if the doctor performing the emergency C-section just ducked out in the middle of it? Of course not.

It sounds like your daughter has a good grasp of being the wife of a physician. You don’t. Stay out of it. It’s hard enough as it is.

— another physician

So, do you think this mother-in-law was completely out of line or does her daughter-in-law need to think about prioritizing her new family?

Sources: Reddit
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