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Mom excludes daughter's 'mean girls' bully from her birthday party. AITA?

Mom excludes daughter's 'mean girls' bully from her birthday party. AITA?


"AITA for excluding the mean kid from a birthday party?"


My oldest daughter is turning nine soon and has been planning a Taylor Swift themed party. She’s been working out the details for at least six months, and it’s going to be the stuff Pinterest boards are made of!

This will be her first birthday party where all of the guests will be kids, and she is mega excited! (In the past it has been mostly family, neighbors, and close family friends.)

Back in October, we decided that we would invite all thirteen girls in her class so that nobody would feel left out. It turns out, though, that one of the girls in her class is a total mean kid.

She says rude things, lied about whether or not she has already been “student of the week” TWICE, bragged about lying to the principal to get out of trouble, and other instances of general azzhattery.

I’ve overheard my daughter and her friends commiserating about her meanness a few times over FaceTime, so it’s definitely not just something that my kid is making up.

Yesterday this kid crossed a whole entire line. At lunch, she told my daughter that the lunch she packed was “gross,” (it was a pizza lunchable, so I mean, she’s not wrong, but still… RUDE!).

Then she poured my daughter’s pudding all over it and tried to get her to eat it! My daughter spent the whole day hungry because some kid decided she had a right to ruin her lunch.

There’s no way on this side of Atlanta that I was about to let this one slide, so I alerted her teacher. Both the mean kid and my daughter need to get the message that no part of this situation was okay.

My daughter deserves to have the dream birthday party that she has been working so hard on and saving up for. That dream no longer includes the presence of Meanie McGee. She just doesn’t trust that she won’t do something to ruin their fun.

I try to give kids a lot of slack, but if you’re going to borderline bully my kid, I feel like I’m no longer obliged to invite you into my home, feed you, and send you away with a goodie bag even if it means you’d be the only girl left out.

It might be a hard pill to swallow, but you can’t spend all day every day disregarding other people’s feelings and then expect other people to consider yours. Invitations go out in a few weeks, and I’m inclined to let the little lunch ruiner feel the consequences of her actions. Pretty sure her mom will think I'm the AH. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. She’s a bully. Not welcomed to attend.


IDK what the world is coming to when people are questioning whether or not they are an ahole for not inviting their daughters class bully to her birthday party. NTA. Come on now.


NTA but be prepared for the some blowback. We had a very similar situation and we did not invite the mean kid. The mom complained to the school and told every parent how devastated her child was. Zero acknowledgment of the negative effects her kids bullying has had on most of the class. Two years later, the mom is still whining about it.


NTA. I don't put up with bullies and would never make my kids invite one over. If the mother has an issue, she can be an adult and come over and learn why her kid isn't invited.


NTA. This is a natural consequence for being a bully. It is so much more unfair for your daughter (and her classmates) to have to be exposed to the class bully on her birthday than it is for the mean girl to not be invited to her victim’s birthday party.

Hopefully her parents use it as a teachable moment. This would be a good time to teach “we don’t talk about parties when someone who isn’t/wasn’t invited is present”, though.


NTA - No, youre not an AH for not inviting your daughter’s bully to her bday party. You may want to call the other mom to get ahead of this though.

So, do you think the OP is in the wrong here? Was there a better way to handle this?

Sources: Reddit
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