'AITA for refusing to stay in a relationship for my child?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to stay in a relationship for my child?"
I never wanted to be a father. I'm the oldest of six kids and most of my childhood and teen years were spent being a third parent to my younger siblings. My ex girlfriend knew this from the start of our relationship about 5 years ago. She said she was fine with it.
Then at some point she got severe baby fever which she admitted probably happened because both her sister and best friend had their babies between late a few years ago.
She had always said she didn't think she wanted to be a mom until then. Then, she said her mind couldn't be changed back. I told her there was no way. If this was something she felt strongly about, we could break up and she could find a man who wants to be a father.
We went on a break for a few months before she asked me to get back together. She said she had time to think and, while she still wanted to be a mom, she would try to just be cool being an aunty.
Then we move to mid last year when she tells me she's pregnant. It's mine and she is not getting rid of it. I asked how and she admitted she'd been off her birth control for some time. I was furious.
She had our baby earlier this year and I just can't do it. I never wanted to be a dad. She knew this six years ago. I get that her mind changed but then she said she'd be chill without having a baby, so I thought we would genuinely move past that. I expected it to come up again but not a pregnancy.
I've told her I'm leaving. I make good money and will pay child support. But I never wanted this. She didn't at first then she did. Then she went and did all of this to me. So now I'm looking like a massive A-&^le to everyone from friends to family to random people we're loosely acquainted with because I'm the dad who's ditching his child. AITA?
Here's what people had to day to OP:
NTA. But you are financially responsible for this child. It’s not the babies fault that your gf baby trapped you. I hope for the child’s sake that you’ll reconsider and have a relationship but you’re not wrong to feel this way. You were very clear about not wanting children. Your girlfriend manipulated you and it backfired. The sad thing is that the child will have to pay the price.
Yes and I'm willing to pay whatever child support as long as I don't need to take care of the baby. I don't like it. But I'll do it if the tradeoff is not spending eighteen years raising another kid. I did that five times over when I was still barely a child so no thank you to another.
[deleted]
Are you going to give up your rights?
If I can then absolutely. The baby is hers.
OP, get a paternity test. I know you said you don’t want kids, but make sure it’s yours first before you start paying child support. You never know what she got up during that break y’all had.
She got pregnant months after we got back together. And yes my daughter is mine
Professional_Net_325
NTA. But you need to get a vasectomy.
jr2142
It’s mind boggling to me that people like this don’t get vasectomies.
Jaded-Kitty87
Never put someone else in charge of your reproductive health, vasectomy or wrap it up.
GurgleBarf
Also, don't act surprised when ANYONE you sleep with gets pregnant. Sex leads to pregnancies.
RNGinx3
NTA. She lied and purposely got pregnant. This is called Reproductive Coercion (AKA baby trapping), and
is illegal in some states,(I'd read somewhere it was illegal in some states, but not from what I can see now, which really sucks. It *should* be.)you might want to look into that.
And in the future, get a vasectomy and/or use a condom, don't rely on your partner to be honest about birth control, especially when they've admitted to having baby fever. Yes, people. I know it's not illegal. That's what the edit is for...
maggersrose
NTA What she did was disgusting. My heart breaks for this baby; she gave zero thought to the impact her deceit will have on the child. Get a vasectomy.
The OP returned after comments started flooding in:
I have not been replying due to work and commuting home. For all the why not a vasectomy questions: here's the thing, I like kids. I had great experiences with my siblings when I was young and with my younger cousins.
So despite not wanting to be a dad, I did hold out on the off chance that one day something might change, I'd put my past behind me. It was a 'For the 1% - 5% chance I start wanting to have a child' choice.
Essentially, I never wanted to be a dad but like my gf's mind changed, I was always aware of the possibility that my mind could change at some point. People are complicated sometimes.