Woman refuses to allow son's father to claim their child on his taxes. AITA? UPDATED.
Childrearing is a complicated issue and when parents are at odds, it can become explosive. One mom who felt completely abandoned by her son's father took to Reddit to ask the community if she was wrong when she told him he couldn't claim benefits for their child.
Puzzleheaded_Put3410 made her case, saying:
'AITA for not letting my son's father claim him on taxes?'
So I (32F) and my former fwb (friend with benefits 34m referred to as BD biological daddy after) have a child (3m referred to as ds for dear son after) DS has been in and out of the hospital since he was 6 weeks old due to chronic lung and airway issues.
DS had part of a lung removed at that time. His health has been touch and go since. He was recently intubated and on a ventilator for 17 days in July 2022. In the hospital for 19 days total. I never left his side (this is important later on).
He was in the hospital again the other night in respiratory distress. The doctor who has seen DS every time since he was last intubated wasn't there but luckily the nurses all knew me and were able to vouch to the doctor that I knew what needed to be done so it was done quickly and without any opposition.
I informed BD once he was stable (my focus was on my son up till that point. No time before that). He called and hurriedly asked about him. Talked to DS for a few minutes then said ' I know it's probably not the best time but I wanted to ask if I could claim DS on my taxes so I can get a car?'
Here are my thoughts. Not only did BD not see DS hardly at all last year despite an open offer for me to come get BD after his truck broke down and take BD back as long as I had sufficient notice but BD also didn't do anything to support DS other than buy diapers maybe 3x all last year.
I told DS if he bought a box of size 5 diapers (the size DS wears during the day) and a box of size 6 diapers (the size DS wears at night) and a box of wipes every other month, I would not file for child support.
A little over a hundred dollars every other month. No more than $700 a year. BD did not uphold his end so I filed and BD was not happy to say the least. I told BD no on claiming DS because of these things.
I have been the one who has sat with DS through every hospital stay. I have been there for every sickness. Stayed up anytime DS had even the sniffles worried if his oxygen was going to drop and he would need an ambulance. Made sure DS had everything he needed. Worried endlessly if he was even going to see his third birthday with how sick he kept getting.
I told BD my answer was no. That the child tax credit is for parents who actually support and raise their kids. He told me that it just meant he still couldn't see DS because he was going to use that money to get a car.
However I feel I may be the A-hole because I will not be claiming DS either as I am disabled and on SSI and therefore ineligible to file taxes.
So would it make me the A-hole of I let him get the money that otherwise wouldn't get claimed at all? Was I wrong in telling BD no to claiming DS? Should I have just let him claim DS since he says he will use the car to see him more?
It is a heavy topic to broach but the internet community never shies away from controversy and decided they were up to the task.
montanagrizfan makes the argument that she is right to deny the father:
The child lives with you full time so you get to claim him. That’s how it works. Tell him no and don’t let him try to manipulate you.
luvduvbunny points out that online forums are not a substitute for legal council:
We can’t give you legal or tax advice. I suggest talking to an accountant to sort this out and figure out what works best for you two. Why is the BD in the picture in the first place? He doesn’t come around, so does he have parental rights?
He either needs to be in or out of the son’s life, he can’t half-ass it. If BD isn’t in the picture and doesn’t have parental rights, he probably can’t claim the son (this is just my guess).
The OP, clearly interested in community input, responds with more information:
Oh I'm not asking about tax advice. I already know I am within my rights to deny him claiming DS. I have sole custody. I just don't know if I am the AH for doing so since he claims to be using the money to buy a car to come see DS more.
He had a vehicle before and didn't see him then either which is why I don't believe it. I offered to pick him up and take him home after his truck broke down with enough notice.
HappyLucyD argues in defense of the father:
You are within your rights, but yeah, it seems AH-ish to me, and I have an ex who has always been minimally involved. I wouldn’t have stopped him, though, if I couldn’t have claimed the kids on my taxes and he wanted to.
Also, be aware that he doesn’t need your permission. If you are not claiming him, dad can and it is unlikely that there would be any repercussions for him. The only time it is flagged is if two people claim the same kid.