'AITA for excluding my niece from my son's birthday party after she ruined his first party?'
"AITA for excluding my niece from my son's birthday party after she ruined his first party?"
ThrowRApapo
Last week, I hosted my son James' (9) birthday party at my parent's house. I paid for and organized the whole event. We just had to use my parent's place because our house was being renovated. My parents had agreed and said they had no problems.
I had invited James' closest friends from school and football club for the party. And 2 of his cousins from his dad's side that he's very close with. James had made it clear he wanted a "friends only" party and I was ok with it.
However the day before, my sister Linda called me angry that her daughter Ava (11) was not invited. I tried to explain that it wasn't a party for family members. Also, James wasn't very close to Ava. She is a bit spoiled and always picks fight with James wherever they are made to play together.
Linda didn't want to listen and cried that Ava was having a hard time making friends in school and it didn't help if her own cousin was excluding her. I felt sorry but I didn't relent and Linda cut the call. She then called mom and they tried to convince James behind my back. He also said no and told me. My parents apologized and I thought that was it.
Fast forward on the party date, I have everything arranged and the party is going well. Half way through it, Linda arrives with Ava and my parents say they'll end the party early if I don't let Ava join. I reluctantly did. James was upset but I told him to ignore her and enjoy time with his friends.
Ava tried joining the games but would get upset and scream if she lost and Linda would make the kids restart. Obviously, the kids lost interest and stopped playing and it upset James.
They tried playing football but since Ava couldn't play, she constantly interrupted them. They went to the living room to play xbox, Ava failed a few rounds and got angry and left.
Nothing worked for her and James didn't care. After a few hours, I took the kids to cut the cake only to find Ava had thrown it to the floor and was crying at the table because everyone was mean to her.
This was the final straw and James started screaming at her. He called her a loser and evil and started crying because his party was ruined. Linda was upset and asked James to apologize. I stepped in and told Linda to take Ava and get out. My parents stepped in and told me James was out of line and Ava was just a kid.
I was so angry then that I just ended the party altogether and told Linda her daughter has no friends because she's a brat. I called my husband and we took all the kids to McDonald's and got a different cake for James to cut there. I took pics and posted them to FB as well.
Since then, I've received calls and texts from Linda calling me the B word and an AH for excluding Ava and she has been demanding James apologize. My parents have berated me as well and are angry because James now refuses to speak to them.
I'm not sure if James should apologize and I don't want to either. We did nothing wrong and I won't tolerate anyone ringing my son's birthday. But perhaps I shouldn't have insulted Ava. So Idk. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
antique_add
Nta in my opinion, I think the people who owe James the biggest apology are the grandparents. They threatened to end the party early if the cousin wasn't allowed in. And look what happened. She's a spoiled brat who can't control her impulses, and his parents don't care. At least you know now to never have a party in the environment you don't either own as your own home or control as the paid place.
As for your son, yelling at her for ruining his cake, I'm surprised he didn't try to do more than just yell. And your son is very justified to not talk to your grandparents both of that cousin ever again. Maybe if you would parent your child and teach her some stuff she would have to be able to make friends. If this is how she acts, why would anyone want to be around her.
You save the party is best you could. And I would definitely talk to your parents about the fact that they have no right to demand. Who comes to your son's party even if it is their house.
TruckPure6828
Agreed. They already knew Linda/Ava wasn’t invited and it was very sneaky. The biggest AH is definitely the grandparents.
the_kitty_gobbler
The biggest ahole is Linda for raising a spoiled entitled little monster who basically has to be excluded so others can have a good time.
Cher_n_spiders
All of this but also the part about Ava getting mad when she lost the games and Linda forcing the kids to restart so an older girl could win all the games???? Not teaching her child anything. NTA.
The OP responded here:
ThrowRApapo
My mother insisted I allow Ava to stay since she was already there. When I tried stopping her at the door, Linda started talking and crying loudly which resulted in the kids stopping their games and just looking at us awkwardly.
I thought it would be horrible for them to watch a family fight because Linda can be vicious when she's mad. So I let Ava in and just promised James I'll give him extra cake if he let Ava stay. That all went downhill after that.
My boy is very sad. He was so angry that Ava didn't get a time out. He asked me why I put him in timeouts for bad behavior if Ava can get away with it. My husband is angry now because my family is a bad influence on James.
James was happy after we took him out. He said he thought McDonald's was cooler than my party so there's that. I'm just glad my boy didn't go to bed angry on his birthday.
HellaShelle
NTA. Linda/Ava might be a lost cause you just need to ignore from here on out, but I’d talk to your parents. They apologized after the first round of nonsense, but they came back with “because Ava’s just a kid”?
Um, and James is…also a kid, no? And a younger one at that. So what was their point with that argument? You could try all of the adults sitting down and talking through the situation, but ultimately the main points are:
—sure, as a parent Linda thinks she’s helping by fighting for opportunities for Ava to play with other kids
—but all of those opportunities will be futile if she doesn’t also teach Ava that the way she plays with other kids will make them not want to play with her.
—She can demand that Ava be included over and over again, but if she doesn’t recognize that Ava’s behavior will never endear her to other people and continues to ignore the responsibility she has as a parent to help Ava deal with losing, then all she’s doing is finding more chances for Ava to solidify her bad reputation with even more kids.
OpheliaPersyll
"James was out of line and Ava was just a kid." James is 9 and Ava is 11??? Honestly this sounds like they’re infantilizing her because she’s a girl and thinking he has to baby her because he’s a boy and “she’s the girl”. Misogyny and Misandry working hand in hand. You are not TA and James should not apologize. NTA.