"AITA for refusing to return the gift?"
My brother got divorced 11 years ago when his child was only 4 years old. I was my niece's nanny and I practically raised her. She is like a daughter to me. Recently my niece has been asking us to buy a laptop for her because she needs one for school so we figured that can be her Christmas gift.
With my brother's permission, I bought a gaming laptop for her because I know she is a gamer and I figured she will like it. The problem is that niece's mom called a few days ago and informed us that she bought a Chromebook for my niece since she has been asking for a laptop. I informed her that I bought a laptop for my niece. She told me to return the laptop.
I told her that this is ridiculous and she should be the one returning the Chromebook. She got mad and said that she is the mom and decides what her daughter should have and asked me to butt out of her parenting and just return the damn laptop.
I told her that I'm not returning the laptop so she has a choice now, she can either return the Chromebook and buy another gift or watch her daughter's disappointment when she opens her gift and realizes how petty and cheap her mom is. She called me an AH.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Artistic-Jeweler155 wrote:
ESH. Is there a compromise where she has one laptop at dad’s house and one at mom’s house?
OP responded:
We suggested that but her mom refused because she thinks my niece won't like her gift once she sees mine.
Arkonsel wrote:
NTA. The mother should care more about what her daughter wants than about how she thinks she'll look to her daughter. If you bought the better laptop, that's great! Free gaming laptop for her daughter THAT she can also use for school!
Since you said in comments that your brother is fine with it, just keep the gaming laptop at his house. If the mother doesn't like that the father's house has a better laptop, that's her problem. She's the one choosing to deprive her daughter of a freely-offered gift.
Mace_1981 wrote:
YTA. Looking through your comments you are more interested in making your niece's mother look bad to her (she's NOT your) daughter than in her happiness. A Chromebook for school is fine. If you want what's best for her, how about her mum returns the Chromebook and buys the gaming laptop from you? Or is it more important to you that you are "fun parent?"
smreeot wrote:
YTA and from your responses to people below this is all about your ego and petty need to show you are better than the mum. Maybe materialistically your niece would feel better off with the laptop you got but by disregarding her mum and not trying to compromise you're adding to tension and causing emotional damage for your niece.
As some others have mentioned you should not be communicating with the mother directly. That should be your brother, no matter what you think, it's your niece and not your daughter. Learn boundaries.
ocean_deep1980 wrote:
OP you are coming off as if you are trying to outstage the mother and regardless of how competitive and immature your replies sound, the mother’s reaction is what seems off to me From a mother's point of view I feel the mother’s reaction is kind of character telling. Willing to deprive her child from a great present just to make her present stand out!!!
Again as a mother I wouldn’t feel threatened by a better present that my child receives I would actually be very thrilled for them as I know that what I offer to my kid is something far bigger than any materialistic present they receive from me or anyone else.
After receiving plenty of feedback, OP jumped on with an update.
After thinking about your comments I finally decided what I'm going to do. I decided that I don't really care about how my brother's ex feels. How my niece feels is what matters to me so I won't return the gaming laptop. I will also block my brother's ex so that she can't bother me anymore. My brother also agrees with my decision.