'AITA for refusing to make lasagna for Christmas after what my MIL did last year?'
"AITA for refusing to make lasagna for Christmas after what my MIL did last year?"
I (30f) have been together with my husband Michael (31m) for 7 years. Married for 3 and dating for 4. My MIL (58f) has always hosted Christmas ever since I've known him. I've always made lasagna for Christmas and other special occasions. I'm essentially the family lasagna maker, and I honestly don't really mind since I love to cook and bake.
However, last year my MIL decided to make lasagna based off what she saw me doing when she was at my house and a recipe she she got off the internet. I was surprised that she prepared a pan of her own, but didn't say anything and even got a small piece. It did not taste good, and it was barely touched whilst mine had almost half gone near the end of the dinner.
That infuriated my MIL, and she wound up doing a rant about how everyone loves me more than her and tried to throw my lasagna in the trash. I say tried because it mainly ended up on the floor. Michael and I quickly left after that, and my MIL has not apologized for it since. Yesterday she called me to confirm what I was making for Christmas this year, and on her list of things I should make was lasagna.
I politely said I wasn't going to make lasagna due to last year's incident and I'd be happy to make anything else. my MIL wasn't as polite and called me vindictive for refusing to make the lasagna over a small mistake. I just refused again and it made my MIL angrier so she told me that unless I show up with lasagna in hand, she wouldn't let me be at the Christmas celebration.
My husband says it's easier to just make the lasagna to keep the peace, and I shouldn't hold my MIL's mistake that she made out of anger against her. Word got to my SIL and BIL from my MIL and they're saying I should also make it even if it's just half of what I would usually make.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mairwyn_ wrote:
"My husband says its easier to just make the lasagna to keep the peace, and I shouldn't hold my MIL's mistake that she made out of anger against her." Sounds like he just volunteered to make the lasagna! NTA.
HoshiJones wrote:
Maybe your husband should make the lasagna, since he can't be bothered to have your back. NTA. But your husband is a massive one, so are your in-laws, and your MIL sounds positively unhinged.
If it were me, this is the hill I'd die on. There's no way I'd go to her house again. Ever. For any reason. That level of meanness and disrespect - you're not welcome unless you bring the lasagna I threw in the trash last year - is some breathtaking aholery.
sharethewine wrote:
NTA. I wouldn’t even go until she apologized to everyone for her tantrum and you for trying to throw away and ruining the left overs. Yes, you just doing it would be easier for him and for her, but where does that leave you? The target of more of her tantrums. No thanks.
AwarenessUnited7390 wrote:
I would 100% not go to this party. You are a lasagna hostage and your husband doesn’t have your back. Mil can only treat you as bad as you tolerate. NTA of course.
Intelligent_Sundae_5 wrote:
NTA -- but your husband sure is! So he doesn't support you? I hope you don't have children yet. Your husband needs to grow up before he decides to be a parent. Or his mommy will be running the show there.
Don't go to Christmas, especially if your husband isn't a big enough person to back the one he married and supposedly loves. Travel somewhere else if you can afford it, if not stay home and enjoy being with the person who matters -- YOU.
You could take a different tack. Tell everyone that after what happened last Christmas, you've decided not to bring your lasagna this year because of the tension it caused.
Add that it was actually a bit of a relief not to have to bring one, because it's hard work to get it to come out right. If you are not welcome without a lasagna, then wish them a wonderful holiday party, and maybe next year you'll feel ready to make it again, and attend.
Easier for who? Her? Bc she doesn’t have to make anything and can continue to just pretend nothing happened and not take any responsibility for her temper tantrum? That’s the only person it sounds like it would be easier for. Why should the “bad actor” get it easy? If anyone should get an easy go of it , it should be the person who suffered bc of her actions! NTA