'AITA for refusing to buy an expensive Christmas gift for my sister?'

"AITA for refusing to buy an expensive Christmas gift for my sister?"

My (F28) husband (M33) and I are hosting Christmas at our house this year, which coincides with our son's first birthday on the 26th. Given that there will be quite a few people and there will also be birthday celebrations, everyone agreed to do Secret Santa this year. When this was organised, the limit was put to a vote and instead of a cap, we decided on a minimum spend of $50.

This was probably a bad idea. I have drawn my sister (F26). Some background on our relationship - it is not the best. Nothing has necessarily happened, we are just very different people and she really does not like the way that I am living my life. She said she cannot understand why I would want to "tether" myself to a man, or why I would bring "another screaming gremlin" into the world.

Needless to say, I don't like these things being said about my family, so I don't engage with her very often. To be honest, I was surprised she wanted to come to ours for Christmas anyway, but I won't turn her away as long as she can be civil and not roll her eyes when the baby fusses. Given my very tenuous relationship with my sister, I turned to my mom (F61) for some gift ideas.

I don't want to spend a fortune, but I would like to get her something she wants/enjoys. Unfortunately, it seems my mom has gone directly to my sister and I am now getting texts from my sister with gift ideas that include exorbitantly expensive concert tickets, a hot air balloon experience, or, and this is not a joke, a cruise to Italy.

Obviously, she doesn't just want one ticket as she would then be lonely at the concert/in the balloon/on the cruise - she would like two so she can take a friend. I was quite frustrated at my mom for telling my sister that I was her Secret Santa, and I also am now quite upset at the entitled attitude when it comes to gifts.

I spoke to my mom about it, and she said that I am being unreasonable given that I can afford this, so I should pick the cheapest one on the list and bite the bullet, hopefully mending our relationship in the process. I told my mom that this was beyond ridiculous, but she said that money shouldn't matter when it comes to family and I should use this as something to bond over.

I was a bit ticked, so I sent my sister a message saying that her gift ideas were far too extravagant and I will get her something reasonable. My sister has now told the whole family that I am not keeping the spirit of Christmas alive, and she would like to boycott the celebrations.

She is hosting a separate dinner at her house for anyone who "doesn't want to socialize with Scrooge", and my mom is devastated that I am making her choose between her children on Christmas. Other family members are saying they don't want to get in the middle and would rather not go to either dinner.

I feel like I have ruined Christmas and my son's birthday. Am I being the AH? Should I just buy the gift?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

NotShockedFruitWeird wrote:

NTA. There's a minimum spend of $50 and no maximum spend? Only a ridiculous person would think that means that they are entitled to $1000+ in gifts.

Send those family members her Christmas wish list and offer to trade with them :)

OP responded:

The "no maximum spend" idea came about because everyone wanted to make sure that they were able to buy a gift that the other person would legitimately like and not have to worry about the cost. Given that we are all only buying one present, this seemed reasonable at the time, but now seems insane.

I haven't told my family (aside from my mom) what is on her list because none of them want a bar of the drama and won't engage as soon as I bring it up. My mom realises the gifts are a bit much, but said I could afford some of the things and should do it in the name of family, repairing mine and my sister's bond, and Christmas generally.

Tudorprincess1 wrote:

You are NTA and tell your mother that in the spirit of as she put it money shouldn’t matter you’ll be telling your sister that mom is giving her $10K for the cruise she wants to take. Your mother and sisters are the AHs.

LowBalance4404 wrote:

NTA and it sounds like you are off the hook to buy her anything. Take a headcount as you get closer to Christmas and request RSVPs so you know how much food to have and prepare. If it ends up just being your little family of three, enjoy the peace and quiet and plan something super special.

ForeverNugu wrote:

Switch secret Santa with your mom. Then your mom can indulge your sister if she thinks that's what should happen

MistressFuzzylegs wrote:

NTA, mom is as bad as your sister. The entitlement is astounding. Personally, I’d set the record straight as to what your sister thinks is an appropriate gift, and go LC on those on her side. Including mom.