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Woman snaps at DIL complaining she buys too many gifts, 'being poor isn't my problem.'

Woman snaps at DIL complaining she buys too many gifts, 'being poor isn't my problem.'


Christmas can be incredibly expensive if you're buying gifts for everyone, which means budget plays a major role in your stress levels.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her DIL that "being poor" isn't her problem after being confronted at dinner. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my DIL her being poor is not my problem and to stop judging about the 75+ under the tree?"

I am wondering if I am justified or not. Everyone comes over for Christmas. I have 14 grandkids, then all of my kids (5), everyone’s spouse, and all of the older relatives. The kids get 3 presents each, that’s 42 gifts just for the kids. There are 17 adults and I get them 2 gifts each, so 34 gifts in total.

Then I got 9 gifts in total for the pets in the family. I’m not counting any gifts from my husband and me or any of the gifts I got from all the relatives. If I did it would be around 100 under the tree. As you can see it is a ton of gifts and I start shopping for everyone at basically the start of New Years. Also, young kids are so easy. Anyways, I put everything under the tree and it is a mess each year.

My issue is the one of my DILs, the whole night she kept going on about not being able to get many presents for their two kids. At the adult table, she started ranting about how I made her look bad to her kids. Her husband tried to make her stop and she told him someone has to tell this b#$ch.

I had enough at this point and told her that her being poor is not my problem and to stop judging the amount of presents I buy. The dinner went on and the kids had a wonderful time. My son wants me to apologize.

The internet was with OP on this.

Historical_Agent9426 wrote:

NTA. What does he want you to say?

“I’m sorry you chose to call me a b#$ch while you sat at my table and ate my food. I’m sorry you tried to ruin Christmas with your behavior. I’m sorry you think we should give everyone less because you cannot give more."

"I’m sorry you think I am responsible for your predicament. I’m sorry your husband, my son, asked me to apologize to you as it meant we have to continue to discuss your utter lack of manners as a guest in this house.”

Continue buying gifts for your grandchildren, but tell your son you will respect his wife and cease buying gifts for him and her.

DisneyBuckeye wrote:

NTA - so your DIL called you a b#$ch, and your son wants you to apologize to HER for saying her finances aren't your problem?? Wow.

I'd give her a great non-apology and then follow it up with a firm boundary. Something like "I'm sorry you were offended when I pointed out that I have no role in your current financial state, but I will not allow anyone to call me a b#$ch in my own home. I'm happy to hear your apology when you are ready to give it. Unfortunately, I won't be able to spend any more time with you until that happens."

Smarterthntheavgbear wrote:

She called you a b#$ch, at your own table, and your son wants YOU to apologize? NTA and your son should be telling her to apologize. He's part of the problem!

Various_Card2646 wrote:

NTA - why should you apologise after DIL called you a b$%ch? If a DIL said that to me she would no longer be invited over. You opened your home to her and gave her and her children gifts. It's an appalling way to reward someone's hospitality. Your son needs reminding that his wife called you a b@#$h so she needs to apologise to you. He's almost as bad as her.

OP is clearly NTA here, her son and DIL just might need to go to finishing school.

Sources: Reddit
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