Woman won't host BF's parents Christmas week since she works, and they're 'inconsiderate.' UPDATED 3X.

"AITA for refusing my partner's parents to stay over for a week at Christmas. I work shifts and it’s my house?"

I have owned my new house for less than a year. I worked incredibly hard for it. My boyfriend of only 9 months moved in with me because he had nowhere to live at the time, and I allowed it. I pay all mortgage payments, all utility bills, cable, Internet, and water.

We both buy groceries although he buys a bit more, and he usually buys my petrol as we often take my car when we are out together. I added him to my health insurance and gym membership because it is slightly more for a couple and turns out a good deal. He is close to his parents and they come to town several times a year to stay with his brother.

A few weeks ago he said they were coming up again for Christmas and want to spend half the time staying with us. His ex-partner had made them feel uncomfortable so they said they would like to be able to stay with their son now he has a new partner. I am a shift worker and have no time off at Christmas.

Last time his parents were here they asked him if he was off for Christmas but did not ask me, and did not ask me if it was ok to stay at my house. His parents don’t really talk to me- when we meet up with them they focus on talking to their son and say very little to me. We don’t have any relationship. I find his parents disrespectful when they visit. A couple of days ago they dropped in for a cup of tea at 8pm.

Once here they announced they were hungry and wanted to eat with us. We don’t really do big dinners, we just snack so there was no food prepared. They then said they would order pizzas for themselves to eat at our place. It was 8pm and I wasn’t keen for them to stay late, so I suggested they go out to McDonalds. His parents discuss my financial situation with my partner behind my back.

They are keen I don’t use his inheritance/ savings towards the house and wanted to know if I was meeting my financial obligations without touching his money. Finally, when we were out to eat, they dropped my knife on the floor. They put it back in the table for me and then seemed surprised that I wanted a new one.

I honestly don’t want them in my home to stay over. I will tolerate visits, but not staying here. I am working shifts over Christmas and I think their behaviour shows that they are not considerate people to my needs, as I’m just a girlfriend. AITA for saying no?

People had lots to say in response.

JustWatchin2021 wrote:

NTA. Don't let them stay and he shouldn't either. Since he has an inheritance/ savings why is he living off you? Paying for his half of the food, or a bit more, and contributing to gas in the car being used to get him where he needs to go is nowhere near his fair share. And you're providing this man with health insurance and gym membership to boot?

Why are you doing this? Normal parents would be concerned about their son meeting his financial obligations TO YOU, since you took him in when he had nowhere to live not the other way around. Red sea of flags here GF - you are being used!!!

PurpleStar1965 had some questions:

Wait what?!? He pays for some groceries and petrol and that’s it!!! Honey, you don’t have a boyfriend, you have a hobo sexual. What does he bring to your life? Other than bills? Your house. Your rules. No parents. There is a reason his last GF didn’t like them either. There is a reason she is an ex GF. Prolly because she got tired of supporting him.

NTA for not wanting his parents there. But you are an AH for allowing this man to take advantage of you.

And OP responded:

I only put up with it because he had been such a supportive friend before it became a relationship.

bamf1701 wrote:

NTA. I notice that when they said they wanted to spend half their time with your partner, they asked them, not you, even though it is your house and he pays nothing to stay there. Ultimately, because your partner does not pay anything except for a few groceries and some gas, he is essentially a long-term guest, and guests shouldn't be having house guests without the host's explicit permission.

His parents need to understand this - because he pays no rent or bills, he has no stake there and, thus, has no position to be giving them permission to stay there. He needs to understand this as much as they do. Also note something: where there is support, there is control. Right now you are supporting your partner to a significant degree.

This means that you have a great deal of control in this relationship, so you get to make the rules. You are not "just a girlfriend" - you are the boss. So, in short, you have every right to veto your partner's parent staying at your house.

OP responded:

This is how I was rationalising last night. I’m feeling more confident to stick to my guns. I hate being mean but I think the psychology of saying ‘my ex didn’t allow it and now they are so desperate to stay with me for half of Christmas’ is designed to make me want to go with their plans to prove I’m nicer than the ex. But I’m actually feeling very sympathetic to the ex. The parents are not very considerate people.

TimberJackChip wrote:

NTA. The way of the day is to stay at an AIRBNB. It's not at all wrong of you to request this. It's actually probably better for the whole relationship entirely, it will also provide them with the space that would be beneficial for them to wind down in a space of their own.

OP responded:

I love this idea actually!