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Man refuses to fire maid to make GF happy, GF says 'you're an egotistical lazy AH.'

Man refuses to fire maid to make GF happy, GF says 'you're an egotistical lazy AH.'


Growing up in different tax brackets can create some major differences in how you navigate domestic life. People with money might be more accustomed to hiring a maid, ordering in food (or having a chef), and generally outsourcing domestic labor.

People who grew up middle or working class might feel more awkward about these arrangements, in some cases - out of financial guilt, and in others, because it feels unnatural to have another person in the house.

Coming to a mutual agreement and understanding on this topic is crucial if you're going to have a successful relationship.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for refusing to fire his maid in order to make his GF happy.

He wrote:

AITA for not wanting to « fire » my maid to please my girlfriend?

I (M25) have been in a relationship with Amy (F23) nearly 3 years, and we started to live together two months ago in my apartment. I love her and everything was going well until this argument. I am very lucky to be born in a rich family, so my parents used to have a maid to do the housework, Maria (57F).

She has been working for my parents since I was 7 and became a family friend. For example, we were all invited to the wedding of her daughter. Last year, my parents took a well-deserved retirement and enjoy some trips, visited family etc, so since last year, they have spent very little time at home, so Maria didn't have much work to do in their home. My parents proposed to have Maria as a maid for my apartment.

I gladly approved because I love Maria, and usually I am very tired after work, so it is nice to have someone to take care of the home. Maria was also happy to keep working for us. My parents insisted to cover the whole wage of Maria until the end of my residency, even if I could do it (she earns about 2.5 times minimal salary in my country).

Amy comes from a more modest background and doesn't understand the principle of having a maid. She doesn't want Maria to iron her clothes, or tidy her stuff. I thought she wasn't used to it, but Amy seems to dislike Maria for some reason.

Here is the conflict: yesterday, Maria came to work and especially clean the bathroom, Amy was supposed to be at work, but she was showering and didn't put the lock, you know the rest. Amy got angry at Maria and yelled at her.

Maria called me to explain me the incident, she told me she apologized and tried to say she thought Amy was at work that she rang the bell before entering with her key. When I came home, Amy was still angry, she says Maria is sneaky and creepy and that I should fire her and we should just split chores. I try to calm her down and told that maybe she was overreacting, but she is having none of it.

Honestly, I don't want to ditch Maria, I have total trust in her, she is almost family to me, also, I know I sound a bit lazy but, both Amy and I have pretty demanding jobs so dealing with chores after work would be tiring. Furthermore, it would without doubt upset my parents.

I tried to explain all of this to Amy but she called me an egoistical and lazy AH, she said that I choose Maria instead of her and her comfort. She is now giving me the cold shoulder. I feel bad about this, I talked about it with my friends. Some sides with me but a few also say that I am in the wrong, I'm a bit torn. So AITA?

People kept it real with OP.

Right_Bee_9809 wrote:

NTA. You are in a residency program and are understandably tired. Your family wants to help you and help Maria, something they can afford to do. I honestly don't see the problem.

If the problem is that you are wealthier than Amy then that problem is not going to go away, and and I'm pretty sure that you want to continue living what is probably an American upper middle-class lifestyle. Amy is going to have to adjust or I don't see how this can work out.

Pandasrthebest wrote:

NTA. Amy shows no compassion to people who you deem as trustworthy and have been with you for a while. You are getting the preview of what she’s like when she doesn’t get her way. The way she yelled at Maria shows how she treats people. You’re not the AH. She is. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

_A-Q wrote:

NTA. My heart breaks for Maria who was just trying to do her job. Your gf’s inferiority complex over your family’s ability to afford a maid isn’t your problem and she should not be taking it out on Maria.

pippi2424 wrote:

NTA. From what you wrote, Maria doesn't sound creepy and she has been part of your life forever. I've had a maid, and I know how hard it is to find someone you trust. Additionally, that would create problems for you AND for your parents. Amy is thinking about herself. Which would be OK as long as she didn't try to direct your behaviour.

For example, she could say 'I'd rather wash and iron my clothes myself.' But the moment she pushes for you to do house chores you don't want to do, you have a reasonable reason for not doing (demanding job), AND you have the money to be able to afford a maid for, I see red flags shining bright.

Relative-Scallion672 wrote:

NTA: You and your girlfriend are incompatible. Sounds like too much of a social class difference to be honest. A lot of people from lower/middle income backgrounds are vehemently opposed to having a maid/housekeeper and look down on it. It sounds like your GF is like this.

OP is definitely NTA here, but sadly, it sounds like him and his GF have larger issues than Maria specifically.

Sources: Reddit
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