Woman snaps at stepdad who says she should share college fund with stepbrother.
Few things are more infuriating than having your intelligence undermined because of someone else's small-mindedness.
Most women have stories of being undermined, talked over, and assumed to be less intelligent simply because of their gender. It's an exhausting, corrosive dynamic that can wear you down through sheer repetition.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for snapping at her stepdad for demanding she share college funds with her stepbrother.
She wrote:
AITA for announcing to my sexist stepfather that I'll not be sharing my college funds with my stepbrother?
I (18f) found out a couple of months ago that I got into my dream school early decision that happens to be an ivy league. I was overjoyed and my parents were happy for me too.
We're not too well off but my grandma saved up money for her only granddaughter's (me) college fund which is more than enough to fund my tuition. Now, I have a stepbrother Damon (19M).
He took a gap year (not really) and he is going to college too, but he's going to a college less costly than mine. Honestly, he's only going to attend college because of his dad's incessant nagging.
So recently my parents, moreover my step dad, is bugging me about sharing my college funds with Damon. I don't want to, or else I'll have debt after graduation and it will shatter all my financial planning after college.
Last night at dinner was my breaking point when SD asked again. I said no, then he said to my mom 'well anyway Amaryllis is a girl, why waste that much money on her college?'. I completely LOST IT. I yelled out 'you know what, I've had enough.
First of all, it is not even your money to decide what tf to do with it. It's the money MY grandma left for MY college tuition. Besides my gender doesn't define my intelligence, I got into (college name), didn't 1?'
Then Damon said I need to accept he's smarter with a grin. Now here's where I may have been TA. I said 'At least I have plans and ambitions unlike Damon, who told everyone he took a gap year when he actually FAILED' (true).
SD and Damon stormed off and my mum called me an AH. So Reddit, AITA?
The internet did not hold back.
Arbor_Arabicae wrote:
NTA. It's your money. You actually got into an Ivy League, unlike Damon. And it sounds as if you know enough to not insult someone when you're asking them for a favor, again, unlike Damon.
Your mother is an AH, too, though. She should have your back.
Ok-Abbreviations4510 wrote:
NTA but secure the funds so they don’t have access to them. The audacity.
EducationalState4374 wrote:
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on getting into a school of your dreams!! I'm sorry your mom is such a pushover. She should have stood up for you against those two bullies! It is money for YOUR education and yours only.
If your SD wanted Damon (or himself) to have less financial burden for his education, he should have done something about that.
What did Damon do anyway during his so-called 'gap year'? He should have worked to save some money for his education. But I guess he didn't think about that because he's being 'made' to go to college. NTA.
PNWPainter02 wrote:
NTA. Go make your grandma proud and continue to prove to your family that your gender has nothing to do with your intelligence, ambition, or potential.
And if they continue to be horrible, remember that you get to choose who you let in your life, and that doesn’t have to include Damon or stepdad unless YOU want it too. Your grandma would be proud.
WolfGoddess77 wrote:
NTA. Your grandmother gave that money to you, and it's yours to do with as you see fit, including using every cent of it for your tuition.
Your stepfather is a major a**hole, insinuating that because you're a girl, your intelligence is inferior. Did he honestly think that you were going to agree to anything after he and Damon insulted you like that?
After receiving an outpouring of support, OP jumped on to thank everyone for supporting her convictions.
Edit: thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I will keep the suggestions in the comments in mind. I'll post an update soon after a discussion with my family. Thanks again!