There are few things as infuriating as dealing with a hard-headed coworker who has no sense of boundaries and is hellbent on pushing every single one of your buttons.
Not only do you have to find a way to keep your composure, but you also have to figure out where the lines sit between valid grievances and petty disdain. Luckily, the internet is always here with wide open ears, ready to take on the big philosophical question 'am I the a**hole?'
He wrote:
AITA for swearing at a coworker for contacting me while on 'Do Not Disturb?'
I have a coworker who comes to me for assistance. That's fine. However, when I'm on 'Do Not Disturb' in Teams, he will send me multiple emails or call me on my phone. It's never anything important, just minor stuff that could wait until my meeting(s) are over.
I've talked to him three or four times, telling him that he needs to either wait, or if he must email me it has to stop at one and I'll reply to him when I can. He's sent emails every few minutes asking for an answer. If I decline his call, he'll call right back.
He's been talked to by management about this.
Last week, I sent him a terse email when he emailed me several times during an important meeting. 'STOP. I've told you I'll get back to you when I can. If I'm on Do Not Disturb, that doesn't mean 'unless your name is Joe'. This is the last time I'll be polite.'
Finally, he emailed me again on Monday. Multiple times. So, I replied with something along the lines of 'Do you know how to f**king read? Have you listened to a goddamn thing I've said? Do not disturb means leave me the f**k alone. We've had polite conversations about this, but I'm going to be more blunt: F**K. OFF. You're actively hindering my work.'
Note: He's not trying to bait me, he just thinks that he should be able to get an answer right away from a person. He and a few coworkers claim I was an a**hole and out of line for swearing at him and being 'demeaning.' AITA?
KronkLaSworda wrote:
'Do you know how to f**king read? Have you listened to a goddamn thing I've said? Do not disturb means leave me the f**k alone. We've had polite conversations about this, but I'm going to be more blunt: F**K. OFF. You're actively hindering my work.'
Y T A to yourself for that. That can get you in trouble with HR for harassment. Don't let the real a**hole (your coworker) off the hook by stooping to his level. You, your boss, and coworker need a come to Jesus meeting. Your coworker is an AH, too. Going with ESH. Don't put s**t like that in writing (email, teams, whatever). That can get YOU in trouble.
Nosdarb wrote:
There needs to be a 'Justified AH' option. That dude sucks. You were 100% an AH, but I don't blame you. You took every reasonable measure you could, but that dude clearly counts on people being reasonable so he can abuse them. ESH, but I can't blame you.
BarnacledSeaWitch wrote:
ESH - your coworker sounds like a nightmare, honestly. YTA because you responded in a way that turned an inconvenience into a hostile work environment. What are you doing checking your emails during a meeting anyway?
That's on you. If you're annoyed by the notification sound, then turn off your notifications. You can prevent calls by taking your landline off the hook or setting up DND on your mobile phone.
IamIrene wrote:
YTA. There is zero reason to not be professional, and in this situation, professional would include reporting him to his manager for corrective action. By swearing at him, you made it personal and that's not a good look for you. I'm sure he could claim hostile work environment now and he's got your reaction in writing to prove it.
Lily_May wrote:
Like…NTA because you’re not an a**hole, but YTA, You’re The Dumba*s. You cannot talk like that to people you work with. Just, full stop. Under no circumstances. I personally am in favor of screaming at people who can’t take a hint, but odds are good you are going to get fired for this.
And the fact you think this response is REMOTELY acceptable shows either you have an extremely poor understanding of work etiquette or are in such a toxic environment that it has warped you.
You can be mean, you can be harsh, you can tell him because he cannot stop harassing you that you have blocked him from all means of communication. But no, you cannot SWEAR at your coworkers, IN WRITING.