'My friend is being stalked by someone from the Twin Flames cult. He's posting videos.' MAJOR UPDATE

Trying to support someone in a scary position can be complex, so getting outside advice can sometimes be very helpful.

In a popular post on the Relationships subreddit, a friend asked for tips on how to help her friend deal with a st*lker involved in a cyber cult. She wrote:

"My friend [23/F] is being stalked by someone who is part of the cyber cult Twin Flames theory [36/M] and he has started posting worrying YouTube videos."

I was really hoping for some advice and how to support my friend and point her in the right direction. She doesn't Reddit. This story started a long time ago and my friend originally met Twin Flames guy when she was 16 and he 30. Apparently he was obsessed from that point on, which is extremely inappropriate in hindsight.

My friend saw him only as a friend and had absolutely no romantic dealings with him. She agreed to meet him on several occasions for 'coffee' or 'acting classes' but then he'd pick her up and suddenly the plans would change to dinner and dates.

There's a lot more to the back story and eventually my friend realised that it was creepy and wrong and stopped seeing him, however occasionally still had contact with him through out the next 6 years.

My friend had never disclosed this to anyone until recently, and they said it sounded like she had been, or was in the middle of being groomed. She quickly sent TF guy a message and asked to cease all contact. Since then, things have escalated. He's been posting weird videos on YouTube about how he met his Twin Flame when she was just 16 and now the time is right.

It's his 'God Given right to be with her' and it was his for the taking. She also has evidence he turned up outside her house at 3am one morning and just stood there. What can she do? How can I help her?

TL:DR Friend might have been groomed when she was 16 by Twin Flames cult member, now six years on he's still posting videos about her and his "God given right to be with her.'

Commenters were quick to give advice.

thisisobvsathrowaway wrote:

Call. The. Police. Document everything. Save the videos. They may not be able to do anything, but she does need to, at the very least, make an official report. This behaviour is dangerous and should not be ignored. He obviously knows where she lives, does she live alone?

She should invest in camera for the outside of her home. (honestly everyone should, if for no other reason than to protect your property. It's better to have and not need it). I don't mean to go all paranoid sounding over here, but being vigilant with someone who is obviously unhinged is always wiser than the "wait til it blows over" approach.

I would even go so far as to say some self-defense classes are in order. This is a wise thing for anyone and everyone to have knowledge of, because again, it's far better to have it and not need it...

Source: I once had a crazy/obsessive stalker when I was younger. I initially was scared and paralyzed by it. Once I started taking action (police involvement) he disappeared, quickly.

OP responded:

Thank you. I think she's been in touch with the police and waiting to give a statement/report. I'll update when I know more. Luckily she lives with her family & has a BF who's ready to kick a$$.

Meatros wrote:

"TwinFlame guy" What? What is this and what is the Twin Flames theory? In any event, she needs to contact the police and get a restraining order and STOP all contact with him.

OP responded:

I honestly don't know enough about Twin Flames to be able to give you a proper answer, but it's along the same lines as a "Soul Mate" but they believe a deeper connection than that. I've done a bit of research and he calls himself a "chaser" and her a "runner" because she's not accepting him as her twin flame. Like wtf.

asymmetrical_sally wrote:

I had to google 'Twin Flames'. Oof. Papyrus font, geocities realness.

Call the police for sure. Show them everything. Start a paper trail stat.

Polominty wrote:

So I had no idea what Twin Flames was before I read this post and did some research (I actually thought this was going to be a conspiracy theory about the twin towers burning down...whaaat was I was on?) /!; I gotta say the whole thing is....very intense and creepy.

A lot of it sounds like justification for a bad relationship ("lots of highs and lows but you always end up back together/ your friends tell you to leave your flame twin but don't see the power you have over each other) and if an adult man felt this way about a teenage girl then it's all the more disconcerting.

It sounds like hyperbole but it's not- get this friend to the police immediately. This mans statements seem to say regardless of her consent, he will "have" her and that's a very dangerous situation for her to be in.

starhussy wrote:

She needs to lock her social media down. Not just privacy settings, but check her email questions and passwords and making them random, combing her friends list, checking where she's logged in, setting log in alerts, etc.

Almost a year and a half later, OP jumped on with a major update.

Hi guys, I know it's been over a year since the original post but I've been supporting my friend through a lengthy court battle with, to be honest, not a great result. Apologies, this might be a long one. So, first of all thank you for all your advice! On your suggestions we contacted the police straight away and they said that there wasn't much they could do.

Twin Flames guy was arrested and he admitted to everything, the police made him sign a piece of paper that basically said 'I promise I will not contact her again.' and let him go!

My friend had given countless statements and I had sent them all the videos and screenshots of even weirder Facebook posts he was making and the Police told her there was nothing they could do, if she sees him on the street run into a shop and get a security guard!

They told her she couldn't get a restraining order until he tried to make contact with her again as he had willingly signed the 'promise' piece of paper. Disheartened we gave up and he continued to post creepy youtube videos about her online for months and months, sometimes 20 minute long videos, twice a day.

His stuff began to get more and more intense. He is definitely mentally unstable, you could see it in his eyes and this roller coaster pattern of emotions he seemed to fly through in such short periods of time.

After his arrest he made videos of him crying saying he forgave his Twin Flame and that he would give her space but really there was nowhere in the world she could hide for long because Archangel Michael had shown him that they were meant to be together for eternity, and that signs and syncs meant that they still had a '4D relationship'.

He made videos of him kissing his hands pretending that it was her. It was all kinds of f**ked up. Finally, one day he posted an absolutely manic video from his car that was really quite scary claiming his god given right to be with his Twin Flame and mentioned that he had killed people in his 'past life'.

He also slipped up and made some reference with their two names merged together like celebrities do, I want to vomit everywhere even thinking about it, but we knew this was concrete proof / evidence he was talking about her. So once again we contacted the police, who seemed to take it more seriously this time.

An outside service called Paladin NSAS (National Stalking Advocacy Service) got involved and pushed the police to take it to court. Long story short it went to court, however not for st*lking, but for h*rassment. I'm still not entirely sure how this has happened, whether the Twin Flame weirdo has managed a plea bargain or something, but all he got was a slap on the wrists and a restraining order.

Which, although is great, hasn't stopped his obsession, they live in the same town and it is very likely their paths will cross at some point. We were really hoping he would get some sort of mental help. It has really upset my friend, but she is trying not to dwell on it. I keep an eye on his movements online but try not to tell her unless it's something particularly worrying as I do not wish to cause more stress.

He still continues to post videos about 'speaking his truth' and how he 'will not be silenced', how he went 'through a triggering ordeal but came out stronger because of it' and there's f**k all I can do about it. He's become clever and calculated now in what he says in his videos, even though we know they are still about my friend there is no obvious links so the police say all the evidence is 'circumstantial.'

This has been going on for over 6 years, we thought he would have given up by now. I feel like it's just a waiting game now until he slips up again.

TL;DR: Twin Flame stalker was arr*sted and finally given a restrain*ng order, but this hasn't stopped his obsession or weird youtube videos.

People were deeply invested in this update.

DiTrastevere wrote:

Oof I remember your original. That was how I learned what the “Twin Flames” philosophy was. Much to my regret. Stalking is so, so difficult for police to deal with. Stalkers learn exactly how to frighten their victims without ever rising to the level of illegal activity.

And many of them are undeterred by no-contact or restraining orders because their sense of “destiny” is so strong, or they learn how to work around them via the Internet (which is depressingly easy to do). The police can’t arrest them for posting vague YouTube videos, and they’re not going to see the veiled threats because they’re made in a language that’s only clear to the victim.

It sucks. It sucks sucks sucks. I am so sorry your friend is going through this. There just isn’t currently a way for the legal system to adequately handle these cases. I hope this ultimately does get resolved and that you and your friend stay safe. Prioritize safety above all else, and all the best to you both.

OP responded:

Thank you so much! Yes, it's been a very long, frustrating process. We're at the point now where I keep a record of everything on her behalf so she doesn't have to think about it. I have an entire folder dedicated to every small thing he posts / does and will continue evidence gathering even if it takes me another year!

findtheyellowsign wrote:

"They live in the same town and it is very likely their paths will cross at some point."

And you say this nonsense has been going on for 6 years? Bro the solution is obvious... tell her to move.

OP responded:

It's not really, her whole family lives there. All her friends, support network, job, everything is in that town. Younger siblings with schools etc. It's really not that easy to just uproot and go, unfortunately. I guess the other feeling she has is 'why the f**k should she'?! She's done nothing wrong!

lotusblossom60 wrote:

I have learned the courts don’t give a sh*t until you die. Had a terrible experience with a woman harassing me. I finally did get a restraining order when she entered my house.

TheDomincToretto wrote:

Agree with this completely. I hope people read this post as a bit of a cautionary tale. Any time there's ever any kind of harassment situation or violence the answer on this sub immediately gets into "oh you call the police and a lawyer and get them arrested!" And it's not the easy, at all. It's a certain...privilege, I guess?

That people haven't actually had to deal with the authorities and think that the police are like Batman, always there exactly when you need them ready to dispense justice on the bad guys. Often times they can't or won't do anything unless you're bleeding.

asymmetrical_sally wrote:

It's really great that she has you as a support system, you sound like a very good friend. It also sounds like you've done everything that you can possibly do in terms of police involvement, and now you're in the terrible situation of just waiting around for something awful to happen. Has your friend pursued any self-defense training?

Because honestly, that is somewhere that she can put her mental and physical energy that may well help her in the long run. Consider offering to take classes with her in specific self defense courses for women (or one of the many martial arts that are available these days).

Channeling that constant fear and dread into exercise, clear thinking, and awareness may keep her safe and sane. She's in a dangerous situation, but this could help her take some of her power back.

A disclaimer: beware of certain pitfalls of certain self defense methods (example: Carrying pepper spray or dog spray sometimes makes us feel safe even when we're not, and we therefore lower our guard and become more vulnerable). But there's a lot of information out there on how to protect yourself - dive into it! Actively seek out preventative strategies so that if he ever does escalate, she's ready.

Hopefully, this man never runs into OP's friend ever again.