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'AITA for calling my girlfriend boring? She told me to grow up.'

'AITA for calling my girlfriend boring? She told me to grow up.'

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"AITA for calling my girlfriend boring?"

My (29M) girlfriend (25F) have been together for a little over 5 years. She’s rather introverted and doesn’t drink or enjoy going out. She’d rather stay in and watch a movie or go to a nice dinner.

I don’t mind doing this sometimes, but sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have some drinks with my girlfriend. It feels like all she does is go to work, work on her dissertation, go to the gym, and sleep.

The other night I convinced her to go out to some bars. After a while she agreed but said she was tired from work and school, so she only wanted to go out for a little while. I was fine with this, but the entire time we were out she was entirely sober, acting pissed off and it was honestly not fun to be around.

I got annoyed and told her her energy was bad and she said it was just because she was tired but she was enjoying the music (it didn’t look like it at all). We left after a couple of hours, normally when I’m with friends I like to stay out until 2-3am.

The next morning I brought up how she was acting and suggested the next time we go out that she has just one drink to loosen up a bit and maybe it’ll be more fun for her. I also said that I feel weird being the only one getting drunk and that it sucks drinkng alone.

She disagreed and got mad at me saying that I need grow up and that drinking and partying aren’t everything. I’ll admit that I’ve gone overboard going out with friends in the past and it’s led to arguments that I regrettably don’t remember, but I’ve been depressed and going out is one thing that makes me feel better.

I jokingly asked her when she got so boring and she snapped at me saying that she would rather save up for a nice vacation or go to a music festival/concerts or a nice, expensive dinner.

These things are out of my budget and a vacation is only a once or twice a year thing anyway. And, when we do go on vacation she’d rather do boring touristy stuff like go to museums or sight see.

I told her that I don’t think I can give her the life she wants and is used to (she had a very wealthy upbringing) and she called me an a**hole and has been acting cold ever since. So, AITA?

Here is how people reacted:

neoncactusfields

YTA - your girlfriend sounds responsible and motivated. You sound like you just want to get drunk and complain that you don’t have money to do nice things. Instead of insulting her over her incredibly reasonable boundaries, why not just break up and go find a girlfriend who is more aligned with your life goals?

Nalpona_Freesun

NAH. Sounds like you 2 are just to incompatible romantically time to start considering breaking it off and finding people more similar to yourselves.

Outrageously_Penguin

YTA. You sound beyond boring. Your girlfriend likes to do things that actually engage her mind. All you want to do is get drunk. And insult her and start stupid arguments when you’re too drunk. I hope she dumps you. And she was trying to meet you in the middle and you acted like an a** about it.

bordennium

YTA. You sound like an alcoholic, dude. The fact that she doesn’t enjoy getting wasted with you until 2am doesn’t mean she’s boring, it means she has different priorities.

She honestly sounds way more mature than you if her idea of fun is saving up for a cool vacation to go see new things while yours is just getting drunk all the time. College is over. Develop some fucking interests outside of drinking. You’re the boring one.

SaveBandit987654321

Also he says her vacations are $10k to $30k and he can’t afford them. But I bet he’d be able to afford much closer to the lower end of that range if he wasn’t drinking his face off multiple times a week.

EvenPumpkin3755

NAH. I’ve dated people with whom I’d do things they liked, with good enthusiasm, but it was like pulling teeth when trying to do something I had wanted. An art exhibit I was keeping track of, a band that finally came into town…I’d do 100% of planning and would pay for it too, but they’d stand there be p*ssy, tired, complaining and frowning.

I realized we simply weren’t a good match. Sometimes, the things you have in common aren’t the right things… or it’s just not enough. Might be best to move on. I do think asking someone to drink alcohol because OP feels “awkward” is not okay. Don’t try to force substance onto people.

FrankieLovie

I don't understand why monogamous couples feel like they have to do everything together

AffectionateHand2206

YTA. You're wrong. She's right. Grow up. We should normalize not drinking / not getting drunk. If you want to drink every once in a while that's fine, but stop trying to act like there's a problem with people who don't drink. If you cannot have fun whilst sober, you're the one with a problem.

Also, quite a few people will disagree with the idea that museums are boring. Maybe you just have different ideas of what is 'fun'.

The OP responded when they saw their post gaining so much traction:

boringaitathrowaway

I didn’t expect for this to take off so fast. I just wanted to add some info clarifying some things. We do have quite a bit in common overall - we met at a music festival and share a love for music.

When we first started dating when she was still undergrad we would go to concerts frequently and had a lot of fun. We have the same goofy sense of humor, we both like fitness and video games.

We both like the travel, but like I said I can’t afford it right now. She is used to going on luxurious vacations abroad with her family that cost $10-30k and I can’t offer the same.

I do love and care about her, which is why I want to go out with HER. Only going out with friends all the time is not the same. I originally liked how opposite we were because I felt like she brought balance to my life that I needed, but as I’m nearing 30 I regret not doing more in my 20’s and I’m scared of wasting time not having fun.

I admit that my word choice was stupid and while I was joking, it wasn’t perceived that way.

This update sparked a whole new wave of reader comments:

decemberrainfall

'As for breaking up, I really don’t want to enter the dating pool at my age.' If your reason for staying with someone is 'I don't want to start dating again', you should rethink some things. Glad she dumped him.

nun_the_wiser

Dude should just admit he resents his girlfriend and get out of her life. Trust fund, daddy’s money, ragging about vacations - he’s so envious.

LarkspurSong

He kept referring to her family’s money even when it was completely irrelevant to the question. Glad he’s looking for a therapist since I think he still doesn’t really understand what his real problem is. Hopefully he does some work on himself before getting into another relationship.

Good on the gf though for understanding how unhealthy the relationship was becoming and making the call to get out. I hope she continues to thrive.

snazzisarah

I was honestly so relieved for her that she had the foresight to see where this was going and dumped him before it got too far along. The whole “we’ve had several arguments about me being black out drunk that I don’t even remember” is what did it for me.

If this dude doesn’t get some perspective he’s gonna be in that weird guy in his 40s that still hangs around with 20 year olds getting sloppy drunk with nothing but an empty glass and impending liver cirrhosis to keep him company.

One-Ad-4136

I'm gonna go against the grain a bit and ready for the down votes. While he isn't handling this well I can see where he is coming from and I don't really see him as a villain. They used to go out together but now she no longer seems to enjoy it so it's changing the dynamics of the relationship.

He shouldn't pressure her to drink but I think she's also being quite pushy about getting him to not go out.

I don't see the issue with wanting to go out to a bar and staying late. I'm older than him and enjoy going down to the pub, trying a new wine bar and sometimes even going clubbing with the girls.

And I do also enjoy spending a Fridays night at home with bf. None of this actually affects my financial plans and doesn't make me an alcoholic.

My bf recently stopped drinking (stomach issues) and it has affected my life more than I would have imagined. So I kinda see myself in the OP and I feel for him.

Their communication is terrible but I don't think he deserves the hate and I don't think she comes across well either. Obviously we don't have the whole story but if we go by this story then here is where I land on this. Incompatibility and lack of communication.

The OP provided one final update:

boringaitathrowaway

Well I have the update you all have been waiting for. I decided to go out with some friends last night to blow off some steam (yeah, dumb, I know) and managed to stay out until 5 or 6 am. I honestly didn’t mean to.

I tend to not check my phone much when I’m out and when I finally checked it I had a ton of missed calls and texts from my girlfriend asking where I was or if I was okay. I was fine, my friends just wanted to hang out longer than I expected.

When I got home she was angry that she had to stay up all night worrying about me getting home safely (I didn’t ask her to stay up for me). She sat me down and said that she will not be renewing our lease when it’s up and that it’s up to me to decide how I’ll be going forward until then.

She said it’s not the drinking that’s the issue but the fact that it feels like she has to “parent” me after the fact and can’t relax while I’m drinking, even when it’s with friends. So yeah. Now I’m spending my Friday apartment hunting and looking for a therapist.

The OP was reached out to and asked if his girlfriend officially broke up with him, but he didn't provide an answer. Though, it's safe to assume, as she is breaking the lease and he is looking for a new place, that the relationship is over.

If you were to give advice to this young couple, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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