Woman refuses to return expensive gift to 'obsessed' guy who 'love bombed' her. AITA?

How much do we owe someone who gives us a present? But also, doesn't owing the gift-giver defeat the purpose of it being... a present?

When a person made it clear that her intentions were strictly casual, she found herself in a sticky situation. So, she came to Reddit's 'Am I the A-hole' fourm to ask:

"AITA for not giving back an expensive gift I was given?"

ChickadeeKnight writes:

I met this guy about 3 months ago, we’ll call him “Bob”. Bob and I met on a dating app and hooked up. I made it clear from the start I was just looking for hookups and nothing serious. We had a good time, and I said I would like to keep hanging out as friends or fwb (friends with benefits).

He said he was ok with this.

For the next few weeks he showered me in gifts, constantly, and also admitted that he was into me. None of this, is stuff I asked for, and I made it clear I still wasn’t into him, and was not gonna reciprocate.

Part of the gifts were a pair of really nice expensive earrings. These are one of my favourite pairs of earrings now.

Bob started acting a bit obsessed, and was demanding I text him every day, and return to him the amount of affection he was giving me. Something I had made clear I didn’t want. It is at this point I decided to break ties with him.

I said that he clearly wanted more from me that I wanted to give him, and that I wasn’t gonna change my mind on that, no matter what he said.

Later, we ran into each other at a play I was attending, and this is when he asked for the earrings back. He told me he’d spent a lot of money on them, and wanted them back to give them to someone who would actually return the favour.

I said no, that I liked them, and that he gave them to me, he should not have to ask for them back just cause he didn’t get what he wanted out of our relationship.

He got extremely angry and said I led him on, that he did so much for me and that I never even gave him the time of day. He said I used him for his affections and his gifts and that I was a horrible person for doing this.

At first I was pretty certain I’m in the right but after his blow up I started questioning a bit more. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?

Do you think that OP is obligated to return the gift, or even that it would be the classy thing to do? Or do you think Bob can go **** himself?

Reddit was inclined to the latter, with a huge ruling of NTA (not the a-hole).

mdthomas comments:

You told him from the beginning you weren't looking for anything serious. He gifted you the earrings. They are yours to do with as you wish. NTA

mkat23 agrees:

He made it very clear that he was trying to use gifts and love bombing to manipulate her into changing her mind. She was honest from the start, he was not. If he wasn’t okay with a casual relationship then he had plenty of opportunities to back out and say he wanted more, so he wouldn’t be able to continue.

OP, enjoy those earrings and know that you are 100% NTA. If a gift has strings attached then it’s not a gift, he should learn that.

Discombobulatedslug says:

I'm wondering how many previous owners they've had.

From OP:

Ewwww noooo.

scarybottom points out:

Even Bob knows she is not responsible for his feelings. You cannot both 'lead someone on' and simultaneously 'not give him the time of day'. It's like the magic immigrant that is both on welfare AND stealing jobs. It does not exist.

coastalkid92 writes:

Ultimately, NTA. They were a gift given freely, therefore you get to keep them. However, it does seem like once he started giving gifts, you had to have known that he was not aligned with your wants. I'm genuinely curious as to why you'd accept a bunch of gifts from someone who repeatedly told you they liked you more than what you were willing to offer.

To which Picaboo13 responds:

I'm curious why you feel it was her job to police his feeling and moderate her behavior based on that. She clearly communicated herself to him. He apparently lied and said he was fine with that. That is on him. She shouldn't have to second guess a grown man that he means what he says. NTA.

HoldFastO2 thinks otherwise:

Communication isn't just verbal; setting the boundary with her words, but letting him cross it by accepting his gifts, is sending mixed signals, and OP was wrong to do that.

Personal_Shoulder983 says:

ESH (Everyone sucks here) cause she knew very well you don't get gifts from hookups and that she was misleading him. He's also a moron for trying to push her boundaries. He shouldn't have offered and she should have said NO.

What do YOU think?

Did OP cross a boundary, or does Bob not know what a 'gift' is? Good luck out there, everyone!