Did single dad 'trick' his gf into meeting his kids, or was it just an invitation?
Reddit's r/Childfree community is a place for people who do not have and do not want children. Often, the community congregates here to share stories of family pressure to procreate, or uncomfortable questions from those who wish they would. But today, a woman posted for some relationship advice. A single dad she was dating — going on eight months — attempted to introduce her to her children. She found it sneaky and manipulative. She wrote:
Single dad I've been dating tried to trick me into meeting his kids..?
Long time lurker, first time poster here!
Idk what I'm expecting from this post, honestly. Maybe just some feedback and support on this issue?
So, there was a post on here the other day and the person was dating a single dad. One of the comments basically said that by dating him, she's committing herself to being a stepmom.
I've been dating a single dad with 2 kids (I think they're 8 & 10? Idk, I haven't met them..) and it dawned on me.. this relationship isn't going to last long term.
I don't want to be a stepmom. I have NO desire to have kids ever and he knows this (a recent diagnosis proved that I actually can't have kids anyways.) I mean.. I've been dating this guy for about 8 months and I've expressed no interest in meeting his kids.
There was a situation a few weeks ago that really irked me. He wanted to adopt a kitten for his kid for his bday so I sent him some Petfinder links of cute kitties. He adopted one of the ones I sent him.
While I was talking to him on the phone a few nights before the kitty was being dropped off he casually mentioned me coming over to be there when the kitty arrived.
I was like.. 'uh, don't you have your kids this weekend?' After he heard the anxiety in my voice, he dropped it and said it's okay if I'm not ready to meet them. This annoyed me. What if I didn't realize it was his weekend? He would've TRICKED me into meeting his kids?
But yeah.. he usually calls every night and I haven't heard from him in about 5 days. No calls/texts. No idea if he's playing games and seeing if I reach out first or if maybe he's been thinking too?
After some self reflection, I can def see that this relationship has an expiration date. I want to travel, do crazy things, be able to leave on a whim. And I can't do that if I'm in a relationship with a guy with kids.
Sorry for the long post, I'm a rambler! I appreciate everyone on this sub, it's been very helpful. ?
**Edit: ** Just want to give a little clarification:
We met on a dating site, he didn't advertise that he has kids in his profile. He eventually told me after like a week of messaging (pretty casually, too.. like 'I'm outside with the kids, wyd?'
And I reacted with: 'wait.. you have kids?') He assured me I wouldn't meet them for a long time (he said he wanted to wait a year..)
Commenters mostly wanted clarification.
I mean… it’s kind of obvious it would happen at some point. Don’t date people with kids.
It had to have crossed your mind eventually that you would meet them eventually, right? I mean, I bet he thought you’d come around eventually because you can’t really have a relationship with a single dad and not his kids considering their ages.
Also I don’t think he wanted to trick you. I know it feels that way. I think he did a poor job of it but I think he was hoping you’d be up for meeting the kids when the kitten arrived as a way of finally introducing you.
He should have been up front about it, but do you really think he was being malicious? If you do, then call it quits because you don’t need to be in a relationship with someone like that.
If you see an expiration date, why wait? End it now, heal and grieve what you had and what you wanted, then get back out there and find someone more suited to being cf. A single dad will never fulfill that role.
living two separate lives by having a cf significant other and also having kids, all who never meet, is a very strange thing for you to expect and for him to agree to.
it also sounds clear that while he was giving you space for now not to come around his kids, that he planned on it happening eventually.. don’t do this to yourself
Just because you've never shown interest in meeting his kids, doesn't mean you were clear enough in communication.
He might be thinking that you'll eventually meet them. I wouldn't call it tricking too. But you should always be clear about such things. Tell him what you wrote here word by word.
I'm not sure if this was a trick... you know he has kids, it's been 8 months, I doubt he concocted a plan to secretly have the kids there when the cat came home.
Seems like that's just how the timing worked out. From what you've told us, it sounds like you expect him to lead a double life and hide his kids from you forever.....
Just end the relationship, it's not fair to anybody involved.
I feel like you’re partly to blame in this situation remaining with a guy for 8 months just expecting things to never progress or change. Sounds like a lack of boundaries and communication on both sides
OP finished with another update:
I didn't think this would turn into a long term relationship. He was cute and I was horny, idk what else to say, just being honest.
But yes.. I'm going to end it. I already know I need to end it. I was just looking for some additional feedback and support, is all.
Thank you to those who were helpful and understanding, I truly appreciate it.
And no, I'm not dating single dad's ever again. Prob won't bang any either for fear of this happening again.