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Women called 'financial abuser' by new boyfriend who wants loan without paperwork.

Women called 'financial abuser' by new boyfriend who wants loan without paperwork.


'AITA for not helping a guy that I just started dating financially?'

I 35 am fairly well off. My grandparents paid for my education and my parents bought me a house. I know I'm blessed. I try and pass it forward. I have a job that pays me well and I enjoy it. I had a fiance a few years ago but it didn't work out. He is a good guy and I am friends with his wife.

I am a difficult person to date because my work takes me away from home for weeks at a time. I met a guy a eight months ago and we started seeing each other when I am in town. He is respectful and understands my boundaries.

He recently lost his job though and is thinking of giving up his apartment. He says that we should move in together. So really he would be moving into my house. I don't think that is a great idea. He says that our city is very HCOL (high cost of living), and if he doesn't find work soon he may just move back to the Midwest. I like him but not enough to want to support him.

I offered him my rental suite in my home for a very good price. That way he could have an opportunity to find another job and we could sort of ease into moving in together. He said I was being ridiculous if I was expecting him to pay me money to live in a house I don't even pay a mortgage on.

I said that it was his decision, but that I wasn't really ready to move in with him yet. He asked if I could loan him some money to tide him over. I said I would, but it would have to be an official loan with paperwork. My parents taught me when we loan money without paperwork it's really a gift. He says I am trying to abuse him financially. I don't think so. Am I being an asshole?


thejackalreborn says:

NTA because you don't really have any obligation to help him but I think this will be the end of your relationship. If you don't want to live with him that's fine but 8 months isn't that quick

Scared-Speaker-4017 OP responded:

Of that eight months I've been in the city about seven weeks.

coffeecoffi says:

NTA. Dude is trying to mooch with a side order of guilt trip. You made two reasonable offers (discounted rent and actual loan).

Assuming your rental is cheaper than his current apartment that is a very helpful offer. (Though why is it available? Would you evict a current tenant? )

Scared-Speaker-4017 OP responded:

Never bothered renting it. I use it as a guest suite when my family visits.


pauliewotsit says:

NTA - it sounds like he thought he was gonna get an easy life with a wealthy woman and is trying to guilt you into paying for his life. Run away!

MissKLO says:

NTA 8 months? Hell no, I am in a similar position to you, my folks bought my home and I have a nicely paid job… I made the mistake you’re questioning a few years back and let him completely walk all over me. He owes me thousands. Don’t make my mistakes.

Sources: Reddit
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