'AITA for making out with a guy at the bar when the guy I’m seeing said he was single?'

"AITA for making out with a guy at the bar when the guy I’m seeing said he was single?"

I know dating colleagues is frowned upon here but we (f28), Jack (m29) met at work. We have been seeing each other for 11 months and we kept it low in the beginning because we didn’t know if it was a fling or the real thing.

We have exchanged ILY [I love yous], etc., and dates are implied, and he spends every weekend at my place and many nights a week too. I know that some colleagues are suspicious. It’s not against the rules in our workplace.

We were out on a work outing with our colleagues at a restaurant. After a few drinks colleagues started pestering us and asking if we were an item and I looked at him and smiled and nodded. He just said “No No No No No No No No No absolutely not. We are not an item where did you hear that?” For everyone to hear. Then the colleague asked him, 'so you’re single?' And he replied, 'YES!'

I was shocked and he avoided eye contact with me. We hade few more drinks and one of the guys in the bar who’s been looking my way the whole evening came and started talking when I went to the bar to order.

I didn’t go back to the table but spent the rest of the evening with this new company. The guy was very flirtatious and we ended up making out and I heard the colleagues from my table “catcalling” (is this the right word?).

Jack looked horrified. Suddenly he was trying to have eye contact with me. I didn’t look his way. I didn’t go home with the guy, even if I so wanted to, but it would have been for the wrong reasons–just to hurt someone else, but we exchanged numbers. Jack saw us do that.

I went home alone. Jack called me around a dozen times then showed up at my door. He said that I was an AH for doing this, but was I? He adamantly denied having a girlfriend even though he knew how hurtful that was.

If he was SINGLE then why does he care what another SINGLE human is doing? He asked to come inside. I didn’t let him in because I was hurt. He asked me if I was going to see the guy and I said it was none of his business. Now he is adamant that I’m the AH.

Responses to common questions from OP:

No we didn’t agree on keeping it a secret. Only in the beginning.

No we haven’t talked specifically about making it official. We just were (or so I thought).

Yes we knew that the colleagues knew, and we thought it was funny how they were being nosy. But they knew there was something, and we knew that they knew.

It is not as awkward at work as you think. I just ignore him. And people are gossiping about when and why we broke up. But as usual, nobody asks directly. I only answer when asked directly.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

CarrionDoll said:

YTA. Let this man go. You were willing to turn around and make out with some guy you just met right in front of his face. Just because he said you weren’t together when you had not even discussed whether you were ready to be out at work.

That’s pretty dirty honestly and he deserves better. And you need to avoid a relationship til you mature some more and maybe work on yourself and how to deal with disagreements and fights without jumping on a stranger in front of the person you’re dating.

AccidentOdd4738 OP responded:

I think i made it very clear that I let him go by making out with another dude and then refuse to let him in my home again, smart-a%$.

Lashia_x3 said:

NTA. If I was dating someone from work and our co workers asked it we were dating and he said no he is single then I would of took it as such as well he is just as much of the AH. What people seem to miss and he didn’t miss the single or the social cue because HE AVOIDED EYE CONTACT UNTIL SHE STARTED ACTING SINGLE.

If we kept it low that just mean it wasn’t flaunted at work and not answering to anyone even if it is true is NORMAL. It’s call minding my business.

If anything you both deserve better because I wouldn’t be with anyone that didn’t acknowledge what we had and I wouldn’t be with someone who thinks it was okay to make out with someone right in front of me but what do know know beside the whole table being under the impression we BOTH are single 🤷🏾‍♀️

AccidentOdd4738 OP responded:

Yes! This👏🏻👏🏻

Mission-Bet-5035 said:

I see a lot of people saying you agreed to it, but agreeing to keep it on the down low is not the same as hiding it. One is not telling people, the other one is outright lying.

GargoyleBlue said:

YTA, you've both been trying to keep things under wraps for almost a year. He continues to do that, and you get mad and make out with another guy lol.

Tiny_Ad_5982 said:

So you're keeping things private from your work and your partner denies being in a relationship with you. Which is an agreement you both made. So once he follows through with the agreement, you decide to flirt and snog another guy infront of your partner instead of talking with him or just outing you both?

He may not have done it in a way you liked, but he did what you had BOTH agreed to. So your response was to cheat in front of him. This is toxic. The gross level of pettiness and hurt. You knew you were an item, just not open about it.

If you wanted to be known as an item to your work colleagues, you should have mutually agreed it. If you still disagreed after having a conversation privately, then you should have probably split up because 11 months is a long time to still not have this stuff figured out.

Looks like you didnt care about him that much because you got over him pretty quickly. There are a hundred better ways to handle this situation, and you lacked the maturity to do any of those. He dodged a bullet. YTA