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Man doesn't let wife snack on his birthday cake after she fails her weekly weigh-in.

Man doesn't let wife snack on his birthday cake after she fails her weekly weigh-in.


Few topics are more sensitive than weight and body image. Almost everyone has had body image issues at some point, and having someone else bring up your insecurities can be incredibly emotionally triggering.

This makes it extra complicated for a partner to know how to support a diet plan without accidentally poking the bear of body insecurities and stigma. It's a fine line that can really only be drawn on an individualistic level. This is to say, there's no one-size-fits-all way to support a partner on a diet. But there are definitely ways to not handle it.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for not letting his wife have cake after her weekly weigh-in.

He wrote:

AITA for not letting my wife have some of my cake after failing her weekly weigh in?

It was my (M29) birthday yesterday, and a close friend of mine made me a small cake. My wife (F24) has been prescribed a weight loss plan by the dietitian she goes to. She has to weigh herself every week and lose her target 3 pounds. This week, for the third time in a row she gained weight after snacking on a bunch of junk food and therefore failed her weigh-in.

She asked to have some of my birthday cake, and I told her to eat the dinner I made first so she can have some nutritious food before eating sugary cake. She got upset at me for telling her to eat dinner first and is still mad. AITA?

People did not hold back their thoughts and feelings about this post.

h11dee wrote:

You guys are being ridiculous. As a married couple, it's your responsibility to hold each other accountable. You didn't yell in her face and call her fat, you just suggested she eat dinner before eating YOUR cake. You've obviously got her best interest in mind.

PenReasonable9881 wrote:

A doctor has specifically prescribed her to lose weight because she is pre-diabetic and has hypertension.

She has gained weight 3 weeks in a row instead of maintaining or losing.

You said 'let's have dinner first' before eating a bunch of sugar that can spike her insulin levels which is very bad for a pre-diabetic person.

It's your cake, you could of been a greedy pig and said 'nope I'm having it all to myself' and no one can tell you otherwise.

NTA. When you love someone, you can not just sit back and let them harm themselves or at least not enable it, food addiction is just as serious and harmful as drugs and alcohol, excessive eating is a form of self-harm.

Especially if it causes diabetes which can lead to heart disease, vision loss, hearing loss, loss of limbs, high-risk pregnancies and so much more, you married her to live a long, happy but also healthy life with her.

Encourage her to go to therapy about her unhealthy relationship with food. I have a severe binge eating disorder, it's my issue, but loved ones not letting me eat until I'm sick when having a relapse saves me from myself more than they could ever know, just be gentle with her, you can't go cold turkey with food like you can with beer so it will be an uphill struggle.

Dittoheadforever wrote:

If she has asked for your assistance in reaching her goal, you're NTA. I've been in your situation and had to help my husband lose weight to the same reasons you stated in a comment. While it sounds like an A-H move to tell your partner what to do (sounds a little parental, and that rarely ends well), if she has asked you to help her thwart temptation, you were just doing what you were asked.

I told her to eat the dinner I made first so she can have some nutritious food before eating sugary cake.

I told her to eat the dinner I made first so she can have some nutritious food before eating sugary cake.

Remote-Waste wrote:

So she was skipping dinner and going straight to cake? To quote Pink Floyd: How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? NTA it's a healthier option, it's a habit she's trying to get better at, it's YOUR birthday cake, and you made dinner she could eat.

In the end, she's an adult, but I don't think this is an extreme example of controlling or out of nowhere, I see the logic behind it all. It could easily tip in favor of her being upset depending on the way you had said it though.

squaddlebee wrote:

NAH. I was in your wife's shoes a few years ago. I was put on a very strict diet plan where I was weighed in every week and if I didn't lose about 2 pounds, it means I cheated on my diet. I will say that I was successful in losing weight and I felt great physically during that time BUT my mood was absolutely horrendous.

I kept thinking about food and having nightmares about cheating. I'm not big on pizza but I would find myself craving it hard. I even got to a point where I was JEALOUS of fat people because in my head they get to eat whatever they want. Anyways...

You're not the a**hole because it's your birthday, your gift, your cake. Your wife is also not the a**hole because I know how hard it is and how it affects your moods and cravings. My husband also tried to help me stay on my diet and I remember snapping at him once kinda like your wife.

coldoldduck wrote:

NTA - reading the comments this is for health reasons, not appearance. As a married couple if one person has an illness of any kind it affects both of you in every single way. There’s nothing wrong with saying eat a little bit of healthy food first. It’s not like you insulted her or said she can’t have even one bite.

This is a really tough road. Please remind her that the reason you said what you did is because you love her so much and want her around and healthy long term. I wish you both luck.

pleased2cu wrote:

To be honest, this conflict isn’t about who is accountable at being TA, it is about reading between the lines and hearing what is being communicated when the words are not clearly spoken. Losing weight can be really difficult for many and takes serious self-control. Getting on those scales and seeing the numbers go up reflect failure, lack of self-control and a serious ding in self-worth.

It would seem if one stuck to the diet plan, success would be seen and self-worth would go up. However, if you are one who uses food as a comfort, you are set up to fail until you can learn how to view food in a healthy way. That education is hard to naturally come by.

I’m guessing when OP suggested eating dinner first, she internalized he was judging the failures and struggles she has been going through and it stung. I have a feeling she is way angrier with herself than anything OP said.

Normally, with a title like this and this subject matter would garner an AH vote, but the details of this situation landed OP a NTA ruling.

Sources: Reddit
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