Brother snaps at sister for letting her ex-husband into his house, 'you're insane.'
Divorces are hard enough on the couple going through them.
But they can be extra hard when the extended family and friends also have to reexamine or cut off relationships accordingly. This applies extra to loved ones pulling you through the mud, who have heard all the venting and horror stories about the relationship.
For a loved one holding your hand through the pain, it can sometimes feel like a betrayal to see you backslide into contact with your ex. Even if the contact feels logistically necessary for co-parenting.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for letting her ex come into her brother's house even though it upset him.
She wrote:
AITA for telling my brother to get over it after I let my ex in his house so he could see our sick son?
I don’t want to go too much into detail but I’m divorcing my ex. It’s been messy and I’ve been living with my brother as he helped me leave him. My brother used to be friends with my ex so the divorce has been rough for him too and I think he’s been focusing on his anger so he doesn’t have to accept that my ex hurt him too.
My son was sick and he kept asking for his dad so I asked my ex to come and see him. My brother was out when he came over but my sister-in-law was home and she kept telling me he wouldn’t like it when he found out. I think she called him because he came home early and he knew before he even saw my ex.
He told my ex to get out of his house and to stay away from me and forget he had a son. My ex refused but I made him go as their arguing was upsetting my son. Once he left and my son had calmed down, my brother turned his anger on me.
He thinks I’m insane for asking my ex to come and see our son as he thinks I need to stay away from him until our divorce is finalized. He told me he didn’t want him in his house again and wouldn’t budge when I reminded him he’s still my son’s father. I was frustrated so I told him he needed to get over it because I did what was best for my son in the moment. AITA?
People kept it real on this post.
Primary-Criticism929 wrote:
By the way your brother is reacting, sounds like your ex was a violent man and you are behaving like a victim does.
I think you should listen to your brother.
Alternative-End-5079 wrote:
INFO: what caused the divorce?
I helped my sister leave an abusive husband. It took months, and a lot of fear was involved. If after ALL THAT she had invited Abuser into where she lived, ESPECIALLY if it were my home, I would have lost it too. But a lot of DV victims do just that.
HarveySnake wrote:
YTA. His house, his rules. Don’t go saying sh*t that gets you kicked out. This isn’t “we just don’t love each other” kind of divorce. Your ex must have done something really serious to get that kind of reaction from a former friend. If I were a betting man I would go with physical abuse, but secret drug addiction and cheating are also possibility. I think your brother is in the right to kick him out.
hsbea wrote:
Info: how sick was your son? Was video calling not an option? For now, YTA for telling him to get over it. That was disrespectful to his feelings. You’re staying at his house and you brought in a person that he doesn’t like, even while your SIL also advised you against it.
(Since we don’t have a lot of info on what your ex is like, I’m gonna be a bit objective here) You don’t know what your ex is feeling, he’s essentially a stranger now and could potentially pose a threat, not only to you but your brother’s family as well.
All you can think about is your sick son (I get it) but you’re not the only one living there. He can be angry about it and I hope in the future you don’t make it a regular thing of inviting people over without the owner’s permission.
SoupSatireSleep wrote:
YTA. You don’t get to live in someone else’s house and break their rules. If your son wanted him he could FaceTime or you could wait until your brother was home and find a compromise. You’ve left out all the subtext to why your ex has be come an Ex and made your SIL uncomfortable in her own home.