'WIBTA for divorcing my wife if she can't have kids? No bio kids is a deal breaker.'
"AITAH Getting divorce wife can't have children?"
I 33m married to 36f for 4 and a half years. We eloped in Vegas after a month of dating. Don't remember if it was before we got married or soon after, we talked about kids. I wanted a couple. She agreed aslong as I accepted her son (no problem).
She has a son from the previous marriage. I have no children. Me and my wife have been trying for a baby for over a year. Started going to the doctor to get checked to make sure that we're both fertile. Seems that due to the medication she is taking for another medical condition sh would not be able to have kids.
No other option for medication is possible. Only other option is a surrogate, but we can't afford it. I mentioned that having no bio kids was a deal breaker for me.
Info from OP:
In regards to my wife wanting more kids: My wife had no interest in having more kids before we got together. She met me and we mutually wanted offspring. She would be fine with having no more children.
I said I wanted a couple of kids. Context of that is to show I knew I wanted children. If the doctors told us she could only have one then one would've been enough.
She can't bear a child due to her medication, and I don't want her to put her health at risk at all. She doesn't want our baby to happen via surrogate. She feels bad that she isn't able to bear a kid herself. I don't mind at all. Realistically surrogate is too expensive. It would be around 6 figures.
I tried to provide example of how marriage did not have to end. If something like that was a possibility. In a lab, jeez.
Q&A with OP:
Ok_River_ asked:
Info: why are bio kids so important to you?
Proof_Clothes_4035 OP answered:
It's cultural thing. To get married in order to start a family.
CharmainKB asksed:
Her "oven" isn't broken. OP states in the post it's because of the medication she needs, and there are no other options for another medication. Should she stop taking it and risk adverse effects to placate OP?
OP hasn't demanded she should, so at least there's that. OP and his wife got married too quickly without proper discussion on their future/wants/needs.
Proof_Clothes_4035 OP answered:
The medication might cause the baby deformities or miscarriage. Also she would be in intense pain. I don't want that for her or have her risk it. Just best we go our separate ways.
Doozelmeister asked:
You can and should adopt. If the idea of adoption is so detestable to you, then perhaps you should not have children.
Proof_Clothes_4035 OP answered:
I would not be against adoption if I had 1 bio kid.
[deleted] asked:
It sounds like you've already made up your mind. Why did you even post here?
Proof_Clothes_4035 OP answered:
Just hoping to see a different perspective. I don't know how I would get past the void/resentment of never having my own kids.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
WurmBurner27 says:
NTA but close. The reverse happens all the time someone doesn’t want kids someone changed their mind bam done. If you need kids can’t settle on surrogate or adoption then bail. And because someone’s going to downvote and call me an AH, the reality is OP will grow to resent their wife. As bad as this is, it’s better to get it over with now
DangerNoodle1313 says:
Ladies, please don’t elope in Vegas after a month. You may get confused with an incubator.
CptKUSSCryAllTheTime says:
So would you have left her if the roles were reversed? What would you have done if you were the infertile one?
Kiyoko_Mami272821 says:
He would have divorced himself obviously 😂😂😂 OP is a d&^k definitely TA
New-Wing5164 says:
No s^%t. OP is an AH. I couldn’t have kids and guess what? My husband held me as tight as he could when I found out and told me he’d take me over kids a thousand times over. We’ve been married 30 fabulous years and we’re still having a blast.
Hereforyou100 says:
NTA, you both had deal breakers and it's hard for me to believe that she didn't already know the medication prevented her from having reliable pregnancy...