Divorcee asks mom to remove wedding photo from living room; Mom refuses. AITA?

Divorce is a painful process that doesn't need to be made more difficult by constant reminders of a happier time. But how much are we allowed to demand from others in order to ease our own pain?

A woman who recently split from her husband found herself in the middle of a dispute where she doesn't actually know if she's in the right. So, she came to Reddit to ask:

'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for asking my mom to remove a photo of me from her sitting room?'

Zorizon_Hero_Dawn writes:

Before I start, I just want to say that my mom is literally one of the nicest, most loving people I know, and that her and my dad have been a real support to me throughout my life. So I might be TA here.

I'm (37F) currently going through a divorce. My husband and I split up a year and a half ago, and it was a painful, hard experience. I'm pretty much over it now, and have come out the other side, ready to move on.

My mom is very family oriented and loves having photos of family in the house. Her sitting room is full of framed photos of the family. She did have a photo of me and my husband on our wedding day, but after we split, she took it down after I asked her to.

Since then, she didn't really have a recent picture of me up (I honestly didn't care about this). However, when I went over today, she had put up a new pic of me. It was from my wedding day, but is a close up image of just my face, so you wouldn't know it was a wedding photo unless someone told you.

However, I instantly recognised it as a picture from my wedding, which was nearly 10 years ago, so not even a recent pic!

I asked mom to take it down and replace it with a different picture. I said I didn't want to see a pic of me on my wedding day every time I went over.

Who would?!

She said that it was a lovely picture of me, it didn't look like a wedding photo, and that I looked so nice on that day, it's a shame to waste the photo. She also said that ultimately it's her house, and she can put up any photos she wants, and this is a pic that she likes.

Just to add as well (since a lot of people have brought it up) the photo isn't one that was taken by the professional photographer. It was one my mom took herself before the ceremony. I still dislike it. Am I being an oversensitive a-hole who just needs to get over myself?

What do you think? Is OP's request perfectly fair, or should she respect her mother's wishes?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

From SnooBunnies7461:

YTA (You're the a-hole). She wants a picture of you and removed anything that showed it was a wedding picture. Instead of being upset with her why don't you select a picture of yourself, print it to the correct size, and the next time you are over replace the picture.

poonjabbingninja says:

I wholeheartedly disagree. As someone who also went through a painful divorce, you do whatever you need to heal. There is no reason for reminders of that pain to be on display by people who love you. Seems your mother cares more about a picture than your feelings. Maybe it takes a painful divorce to understand how long that pain stays with you. NTA (Not the a-hole).

Rich-398 writes:

NAH (No a-holes here) - You have specific feelings about your wedding, but your mom also wants a good picture of you. Clearly, she tried to accommodate your feelings so she has done nothing wrong. You, on the other hand, realize where that picture came from so I can understand why it bothers you.

IMHO - This is a case where you should try and work with her. Maybe leave it up until you get another good picture. Maybe, you just swallow your feelings, given the fact that you are the only one that knows where the picture originated.

jrm1102 comments:

NTA - Its very reasonable that you wouldnt want your mom to display that picture. Perhaps gift her another picture. I agree thats its her house and she can display what she wants, but her knowing it upsets you and still keeping up makes her a bit of an AH

Blacksmithforge3241 thinks:

YTA. Yes, you are being over-sensitive. She's made it a close-up of you without Ex. At least she didn't just cut it down the middle and reset it in new frame. Other option is have a professional(/like pro) photo done, put it in a frame your mother would like and OFFER it to her.

So, OP gives us an update!

And she is extremely generous with her thoughts and experience.

EDIT: Thanks all. Seems the comments seem to be pretty 50/50 over whether I'm being an AH or not. I'm more than willing to admit that I might be in the wrong here.

Ultimately I agree that it is her house and she can do what she wants, and if she wants to keep the pic then I can live with it. It's not that big of a deal. I think it just threw me today since I wasn't expecting to see the picture when I went over.

I'm not massively traumatised by seeing the photo, but I just look so damn happy in that picture - looking at it just makes me a bit sad. The end of my marriage was sudden and traumatic, and took a lot of processing. I am pretty much over it, but thinking about it does still make me a bit sad.

Gifting a new photo might be an idea, but I don't think I'd have them done professionally. I do have some nice recent casual pics I could suggest for her perhaps.

After posting this, I reflected on whether there might be another reason why it bothers me, and I think the fact that the picture is so old and I don't really look like that any more might be something that irks me a bit. I'm a decade older and look it and a lot greyer and heavier than I was back then! It feels like it's not really a pic of me.

That^ makes sense to anyone, divorced or not.

So, it looks like there might not be any a-holes here in particular, just family members that want to be happy with each other. Good luck out there, everyone!