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Woman suspicious boyfriend is cheating with his ex-wife; people say, 'Girl, come on!'

Woman suspicious boyfriend is cheating with his ex-wife; people say, 'Girl, come on!'


"I think my boyfriend is lying about his divorce."


I (42F) and my boyfriend (48M) have been together for five years. We met online, something I had never thought I would try. But, at the time, I had been single for many years and my sister had recommended it to me. I was reluctant at first.

She kept telling me how she had found many dates through this website and that it would be perfect for me as I’m always busy working so I could just use it in my free time or only when I felt like it.

Anyway, one night over dinner, she told me about this man she had recently met through the website and how perfect he was for her and how she could see a future with him. So I gave in.

I gave it a try, not expecting to actually find someone but when I matched with Carl, we hit it off instantly. He was so funny and charming, so we exchanged numbers and then agreed to meet for coffee the following week.

When we met for coffee that day, Carl told me that he had just gotten a divorce from his wife (46F) of many years who he has one daughter (25F) with. I was fine with this. I’m not really the jealous type of person and he had assured me that he was ready to move on and that their relationship had been dying for ages.

The first date went well and after a few more successful dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was over the moon as I really liked Carl.

I have always been very passionate about my work. I’m a nurse so my job is very demanding and intensive which means I work most nights during the week but still, I wouldn’t change any part of it for the world.

I thought this may be a problem with Carl when we first started dating as I wouldn’t be available most nights and during the day after working a shift, I would be catching up on sleep and therefore, not available to see him or talk to him.

However, this was not the case. Carl thought it was perfect as he told me that he had a very busy schedule too with his work, business appointments and making time to see his daughter.

Carl told me that he was always free on a Tuesday which happened to align perfectly with my work schedule as I didn’t work on Monday or Tuesday nights. He started coming over to my house every single Tuesday, pretty much every single week since. For five years.

Here’s where it starts to get a little bit weird though. Since we agreed to see each other on Tuesdays, Carl has come to my house every single Tuesday 11am-3pm but refuses to see me any other day or any time outside of that time frame. He has always arrived perfectly on time at 11am and always left promptly at 3pm - no exceptions.

There's also, well, this. Every single time he comes over, he brings this tiny, dirty Chihuahua along with him. Well last week, I found out that this dog he has been bringing belongs to his ex wife.

His excuse for this was that he likes taking the dog on walks and they do 10 miles of walking everyday together but he works too much to commit to getting a dog for himself.

I found this to be really odd but I didn’t question him about it any further. I know 10 miles might seem like a lot to walk the dog every day and to be honest. I don’t quite believe it myself but I know that he does walk the dog regularly as every Wednesday and Thursday he calls me whilst he walks the dog.

This is always between 4pm-6.30pm with again, no exceptions. He always ends the call at exactly 6:30pm and always calls at exactly 4pm. Anyway, a couple years ago I got the dreaded call that my dad died. I was absolutely distraught as he was my biggest supporter and was always there for me.

I asked Carl if he would come to the funeral with me but he refused as the funeral was being held on a Sunday and not during his allotted time to to see me, Tuesdays 11am-3pm. Of course I was upset by this but eventually, I convinced myself that he was probably just busy.

Fast forward another year, I had become very sick and I had ended up in hospital. It was so serious that the doctors had told me I would have died had I have waited another day to seek medical help. I called Carl in despair and asked if he would bring me some clothes I had at home and drop them off at the hospital.

Carl refused because I had asked him on a Saturday and not on a Tuesday. I was in so much pain, I was in the hospital for months. I constantly begged Carl to see me and again, he refused unless it was on a Tuesday at 11am-3pm.

The final reason that made me think my boyfriend may be cheating on me with his ex wife was last month at his daughter's wedding. The wedding was to be held in Italy and the plan was for Carl and his ex-wife to fly out there together four days before the wedding and for me to fly out by myself a day before the wedding.

Carl’s daughter had rented out a huge, luxurious villa for close family and friends to stay in before and after the wedding. I thought this was perfect - I have never spent the night with Carl so I thought us sharing a bed would be a huge turning point in our relationship.

That was, until I found out that Carl and his ex wife would be sleeping in the villa and I would be sleeping in a converted barn by myself at the bottom of the villa garden. I asked Carl if I could please sleep in the villa with him but he refused so I refused to go to the wedding and stayed home.

On top of this, I have never been to Carl’s house. In fact, I don’t even know where he lives and he has me blocked on all of his social media. I can only contact him on what’s app.

I think Carl may have been lying to me when we first met about his divorce to his wife. I’m starting to get the impression that he is actually having an AFFAIR with me and cheating on his wife. He’s so secretive with me and appears to still have a lot of contact with her.

Or maybe they decided to rekindle their relationship after their divorce? Or maybe I’m overthinking and they are just really close friends? I mean they do have a daughter together. So reddit, am I being crazy? What should I do?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


You say you’re a nurse? Yikes!


Actually nurses historically aren’t the best ‘daters’


Hire a private investigator and find out the truth because your the mistress. Once you have all the evidence confront the wife.

The OP responded here:


Haha I wish but I can’t afford a private investigator!😂


Sweetheart, he isn't cheating ON you, he is cheating WITH you. He is still very married. Had you not backed out of going to the wedding, he would MOST DEFINITELY have come up with a reason for you not to come. And I CALL BS on the person questioning your 'critical thinking' skills regarding being a nurse and not seeing all the red flags.

You clearly stated you had not been in a relationship for a while. Plus as a nurse, we are CAREGIVERS, optimistic, maternal, compassionate and loving. On the other side of that, we need our own care and compassion.

We give 100% (who am I kidding?) 150% of ourselves to everyone and it is rarely met with a 50 - 75% return. Confront him, but your trust is broken. If he will lie to you about something this major, he will lie to you about everything.

With a heart like yours, you deserve EVERYTHING. YOU SHOULDN'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS. Good luck.

After reading through all of the responses from commenters, the OP had this to say:


Thank you everyone for your helpful insight and comments, I have been trying to read through them all. For all those saying this story isn’t real, I can assure you that it 100% is, obviously now I am having severe doubts about him and what he has told me I’m realizing how stupid I looked in this relationship.

Some of you don’t seem to realize that when you’re truly in love you really don’t want to lose that person. For those offering helpful advice thank you. I have a plan in place for when I see him this Tuesday and I will update you all after that!

So, is the OP just completely oblivious or are they being willfully ignorant?

Sources: Reddit
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