For a little context, I have not been feeling very well. My physical health has been decaying because of my 'monthly.' I lose too much blood this affects my hemoglobin and the rest of the normal functioning of my body. Yes, I have seen the ob/gyn specialist but they find nothing wrong in my reproductive organs.
I got my 'monthly' and went to the doctor's office because the pain was unbearable and I was losing lots of blood. When I arrived, my blood pressure was on the limits of normal 100/60. Taking into consideration the amount of blood I was losing, doctors inmediately transfered me in an ambulance to the nearest hospital.
While I was being transported, I tried calling my husband and he sent me directly to voicemail. I sent him text messages and got no response. I then called my mom and my baby's nanny because I wouldn't make it home for a few hours.
I was treated by doctors; they inserted lots of needles but I was getting better. An hour later, my husband texted me back just saying that he hadn't seen my messages and asking how I was. I explained that my mom was with me at the hospital but our daughter was home alone with the nanny.
He then told me that he couldn't make it home either. No explanation, he just told me: "I wish I could and I would've gotten home early if I had seen the messages earlier, but unfortunately I didn't so I can't."
Excuse me? Your wife is in the hospital. Your daughter is alone with the nanny and you can't be there for either of us? After demanding an explanation of what could be more important than his family he told me that he couldn't make it home because his male best friend needed help.
I was shocked. I felt unimportant and betrayed. Supposedly your family should be your number one priority. And we weren't his. I don't even care what his friend needed him for. I bet that could have waited in cases of emergencies like these.
I am writing this down from the hospital still, just trying to get it off my chest. I blocked him. I don't even know if I really want to talk with him about how he made me feel. I am considering separation and divorce. If I couldn't count on him today what assure me that this won't happen again? So, am I the a**hole?
Similar situation here. Sorta had a heart attack so my husband had to be with the kids overnight alone. Sent me videos of the baby crying and was mad I couldn't come home that they were making me stay! Like sorry almost died. The nurse saw how it was making me cry and turned my phone off.
JFC... please tell me this guy gets better... and if he didn't, I hope you escaped.
NTA. You're in the hospital with sinking vitals and blood loss? Anything short of him being actively involved in saving his friend from literally dying is a complete betrayal, and that is only an exception if he was physically closer to the friend's location before the message that was ignored. Vows were made.
NTA. Your husband's priorities are screwed up. He should be more worried about his wife (who's in the hospital) & child than his buddy. It doesn't sound like you can depend on him for anything.
NTA! You are in the hospital and daughter was with the nanny and he chose to help his friend? Have mom pick up baby and clothes for you and stay with mom when released. I hope you feel better soon.
Hello everyone on reddit. Thank you all for all your kind, sweet words and support. I didn't expect to recieve that many comments. I tried to read as much as I could but they're too much. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and sharing your different opinions on the matter.
I just needed to vent how I was feeling and also read other people's point of view because I thought, maybe I could be wrong and that I might be overreacting. This is not the first time he hasn't priotize us, I guess I'm just finally reaching my limit. Anyway, I unblocked him after a few hours because if anything worse happened, he had to be able to contact me and vice versa.
So, I spent most of the night in the hospital. It was the first time I had ever had to come in because of my monthly. I was pretty scared to be honest. My vitals were sinking up to the point it was 80/50 last time I was kinda aware of my surroundings. Fortunately, my mom stood by my side the whole time. She said I was totally pale and unresponsive.
I don't know what whould've happened if she wasn't because then I would've been all alone. Doctors gave me a blood transfusion and IV liquids in order to keep me safe. My hemoglobin levels were way too low because of the amount of blood I had lost over the past two days.
I got discharged once my vitals were stable and I was feeling better. I really wanted to go back home to my daughter. She must have been scared too, I said it's my baby but she's a 4yr old toddler. As a mom, she's still my baby. Sorry if I confused you guys.
I'm now resting at home after speaking to my boss, explaining I was not ok and had to take medical leave. Yes guys, I have my own income, I'm an elementary english teacher. Anyway, the nanny was very comprehensive and kind. She had to spend the night, so I obviously paid her the over time and also a generous tip as grattitude. My husband never showed up. Neither to the hospital nor at home.
I finally texted his male best friend to know what the f*ck was happening as he disappeared and clearly didn't care for me or his child. And we were right, it was not a life or death situation. His male best friend told me that yesterday he had an emergency with his mother and asked for my husband's help.
Aparently she had a cold that was getting worse so they thought it was pneumonia or c-19. Fortunately she's ok and it was just a false alarm. His best friend, lets call him Bob, wasn't even aware I was in the hospital. It was not my call to tell him and it was not his fault.
So I thought it wasn't fair to him for me to blame him while he had no f*cking clue what was happening. I personally believe it is also important to support your friends but what I don't understand is why he needed specifically my husband. He has siblings and his father who could take care and help his mom.
I thought maybe he needed my husband's money but he could've just transferred it to his bank account and come to our family. Instead, he spent the whole night with Bob's family and stayed over. He left early from their house to go to work. In all that time, he didn't call or text to see how I was doing or if the baby was ok.
I'm still very angry, disappointment and heartbroken. I guess I just proved my whole point. Even though we are his nuclear family, we're not his priority. As far as I know, I could be dead and he wouldn't show up until my funeral. My friends and family are coming over in order to help me with my baby and to care for me. I'm still anemic and feeling pretty weak but overall grateful that I'm alive.
We haven't spoken yet. And not even a freaking text to see how I'm doing while he's at work. I'll update you once we do but it definetely doesn't look good for him. I don't deserve this bs; neither does my daughter. I do love him, but I love myself even more and I'm not even receiving the bare minimum from him.
Not gonna lie. He is so probably cheating. I would get your paper work in order, finances in order, and go meet with every single divorce attorney in town. I’m glad you are going to put yourself and child first.
"Instead, he spent the whole night with his Bob's family and stayed over."
Agreed. u/dryaffection you should stop by during the day and talk with Bob's wife, see if she shares the same story.
Is it possible he’s cheating and bob is covering for him?
I'd be contacting a lawyer and file for divorce. Glad you have your families support though.
Divorce is thrown around so much in aita but I believe it’s 100% warranted in this case. Take care of yourself and your baby.
Call his mom and Dad…” I don’t know if you heard, but I was admitted to the hospital yesterday with( health issue)… I told husband, but he said he was helping his friend out even though the baby was home with and Ian who ended up having to stay overnight…. He’s not responding to texts… Do you know what’s going on or where he is? This doesn’t add up”
Hey everyone! I'm sorry I wasn't able to update you sooner, I've had a lot going on. Thanks again for your best wishes and the support I received. So, I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday and the doctor that checked on me was a total a**.
She didn't even let me explain my whole medical case such as the tests that have been done previously, the symptoms, amount of blood lost, nothing. She just asked basic questions and ordered other tests, once they're done, I am supposed to see her again. I'm not f*cking going with her. I already called my insurance and requested for another doctor who actually cares.
As for my husband, we finally spoke. He apologized and recognized he was wrong and kept giving excuses. I listened to what he had to say but I finally told him that this was a deal-breaker for me and that we should separate for a while. I was not going to deal with his bs anymore and neither will my daughter.
I did not hesitated, not even once. I didn't cry in front of him. He was trying to fool with the wrong person. He packed up his sh*t and left. I don't care where he went or with who, I just wanted him out of MY house. As soon as he left I broke down and cried again but he will not hurt me or my daughter ever again.
He has no idea I have a scheduled appointment with a divorce lawyer. He will be served soon, I hope. As for myself I am recovering and feeling a little stronger. Thank you all, again!
Yay I love an update where someone stands up for themselves and ditches the bullsh*t!
Glad you are putting yourself and your daughter first. Also, have your new doctor look into endometriosis. It seems like that is what you may have since you had excessive blood loss and low blood pressure. Many times it is often ignored by physicians. UpdateMe!
Hey, I’m proud of you! Things will get pretty hard, but you’re modeling to your child how to be treated. You’re showing her it’s ok to stand up for yourself. It wasn’t ok what he did. He showed you who he is. Believe him.
Sounds like the husband saw an opportunity to stay out for a night and took it without hesitation. The reason Bob gave sounds like total bs. No one would call their bf and ask for a favor like that.
And in some bizarre case they did do this why the f would that be more important than a spouse in the hospital with very serious, life changing even, events happening? Either cheating or totally checked out, either way OP is doing the right thing.
I hope OP is doing better, and that we all find out what her husband was doing with Bob.