Cheating husband says he's 'sorry' he didn't leave before pregnancy. UPDATED
"My husband is leaving me for someone else. I'm nine weeks pregnant."
He told me three days ago that he's been carrying on with her and he's going to divorce me for her. I'm nine weeks pregnant. He told me he'll pay whatever maintenance the court sets and he is sorry he didn't do it before I got pregnant.
One of my colleagues has arranged an appointment with a solicitor for me. I have a job as a phlebotomist, a flat and my colleagues and family are lovely. I know it will be okay even if it doesn't feel like it right now though I am still in shock.
The first post was short, but hit hard. Here is what people had to say:
I'm sorry OP that you've been handed this shock, be kind to yourself as you adjust to your new life. Sounds like you've lost a lot of dead weight.
I bet OP's soon to be ex has never heard the adage 'someone who cheats with you will cheat on you. What goes around will inevitably come around for him.
The hand you have been dealt sucks that's for sure and it will take time to recover from this but you have a good support network around you and a good head on your shoulders so I have no doubt you and the little one will be just fine. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of you marriage then enjoy all the good things that are coming your way.
Just keep in mind, at some point he may come crawling back, probably after their first fight or once he realizes the thrill is gone now she's not a secret. Hold firm against him if he does.
It’s worth speaking to a family solicitor now, and advising him to do the same. My bff has been in an unending nightmare since her baby was born due to the dads never ending demands/threats and I think pressure from his parents who want time with “their” grandchild.
He took no interest before it was born and had parts for nothing. When the baby arrives things can change dramatically for you and for them and the emotions can get very heightened at a time you are extremely vulnerable both physically and emotionally.
I’m so glad you’ve got great support but that legal but might really give you peace of mind. Family court is an expensive place to spend time.
Make sure you do not allow yourself to become the isolated and singularly focused on your child. Demand that the father is NOT allowed to be the fun dad that only spends 2 weekends a month.
Make him share the burdens. It's hard to date, vacation and have the fairy-tale relationship when you are forced to care for your infant/child 3/4 and 4/3 days per week including weekends.
Fight for 3 days then 4 day rotations. Week 1 you have the child Mon - Wed, Him Thur - Sun, then vice versa.
During his days his is responsible for; daycare/school drop-off and pick-ups, homework, school clothes/uniforms, projects, class celebrations and snack contributions, including providing care when child is sick during dad's custody time.
Use a daily planner to keep track of anything that occur during his custody days. Trust this will come in handy when there is conflict.
Two months later the OP returned.
Update to my previous post - My husband is leaving me for someone else. I'm nine weeks pregnant
Our flat was a leasehold so I couldn't just change the locks or bar my husband from the flat because it was in both our names. However he agreed to relinquish and the landlord agreed to keep me on as a tenant with a new agreement solely in my name.
I'm employed so there was no issue with me affording the flat on my own. I did have questions about why I wanted to stay in the place I used to live with my husband. The flat is in a safe area and near my job and my family and with being pregnant on top of that the last thing on my mind is finding another flat.
Since I'm employed and earn roughly the same as my husband spousal support would not have been ordered. We have divided up and closed our bank accounts and my husband has collected his things from our flat. Our solicitors helped us in settling things and making it legally binding.
My husband agreed in writing that he will pay whatever child maintenance he is ordered to and that he does not want custody or to be part of our child's life and all sole decision making will be left to me.
My solicitor says he could change his mind in the future but his written statements and lack of interest will work against him especially since he also has a solicitor to advise him.
I asked about removing his rights as a father but unless he does something such as abuse or I find another partner to step in the legal system will not just remove them. Also removing them would affect my ability to collect maintenance from him.
The woman he was carrying on with is also married but they have no children. It's my understanding that as soon as the divorces are final the two of them plan to settle in Spain where my husband's father retired to. That's what his solicitor said anyway.
Everything is legally settled so I am just waiting for the divorce to become final because that takes time.
Tomorrow I will be 17 weeks pregnant. Both the baby and I are healthy and my family, my friends and my colleagues have been lovely and supportive. I also appreciate the many lovely comments and messages I received here.
After the update, here is what readers had to say:
Why did you keep the baby if you were 9 weeks along when you found out?
So… you’re Single?? Ever date an American?? Wishing you the Best, I’m sure you can do this. Love your child and Yourself, you’re strong, clearly.
((HUGS)) Sounds like you are in a god place!! May you have a healthy pregnancy and a stress-free delivery!!
20$ says when reality hits both of them it won't be as exciting and their plans won't come to fruition after a few months of living together and learning who each other really are. Who they really are are selfish and deceitful and they won't be able to trust each other. Good luck OP
I find it so frustrating that men can just wash their hands off a pregnancy. « Here is so cash, now don’t bother me with the child I helped create. Often to appear after 12 years, when the hard part is done, to suddenly try to be father of the year.
Well done OP! Through the hurt and betrayal and while pregnant you’ve navigated your way successfully. You’re strong and resilient with a baby on the way. I can’t believe his idiocy! Thriving and happy is the best revenge and you’re on the right path. I wish you the very best, and congratulations, you’ll be a great Mum.