'AITA for wanting a divorce because my wife doesn’t want her son to be legally mine?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for wanting a divorce because my wife doesn’t want her son to be legally mine?"
I’ve been in her son's life for the past 4 years since he was 2 , he already calls me dad all that’s left is to make it legal, but my wife thinks that decision to make it legal should be up to her son but wants to wait till he is old enough to make that decision which I think is completely silly right?
She also doesn’t want anymore kids which I’ve come to terms with. I’m at a loss now I don’t know what to do. I also heard from her friend she doesn’t want to make it legal because if we divorce she doesn’t want to have to fight me for custody.
Info: She changed her mind about wanting more kids because of her career. I accepted it and we had compromised on letting me adopt him, but now she’s stalling. The bio dad has never been in the picture, she doesn’t even know who he is .
serenetynow says:
No divorce her before you waste more time, her value is gone she's a single mom, she can't be this picky
tjtanker OP responded:
believe me she has options.
mcindy28 says:
NTA I read your other posts. Still unsure where the bio-dad is however, I don't blame you for your concerns. It seems like both of you are already anticipating divorce though rather than making decisions now while you are potentially "happy".
tjtanker OP responded:
The bio dad has never been in his life. I’ve been there since he was 2 .
Disastrous-Use7987 says:
She knows who the father is. It’s probably a married man or something to the equivalent of opening Pandora’s box. She already in a lie and knows if she admits to that, the OP is going to start questioning everything else. This whole thing is fishy.
tjtanker OP responded:
I would pretty much forgive her for anything and she knows this
Dry-Love-3218 says:
I'm also a stepdad to my oldest. I never adopted him because it felt arbitrary. My wife was 2 months pregnant when we started dating. He's 28 now and I never had a problem including him as a dependent on my taxes or benefits and he's also part of my will. At the end of the day,I am his Father and he's my son.
tjtanker OP responded:
seriously bro it should be the other way around , her wanting me to adopt and me saying no . I don’t get it . I don’t get it I really don’t .
ImWatchingWazowski says:
The fact she doesn’t want to make you the dad is f&^%ing weird
tjtanker OP responded:
Weird af, I got a massive headache now. It is what it is.
Eboo143 says:
You do realize that 4 years is nothing right?
tjtanker OP responded:
4 years of financial and emotional support, taking care of him while mom travels for work is not nothing to me .
motonerve says:
I think it's pretty reasonable to let the kid decide. Makes it more special that way. And if having to wait a few years just so you're dad on paper has you already considering divorce than maybe her concerns about possible issues in the future are justified.
Just seems weird that you care so much about the kid that you'll up and leave his life over that. YTA
tjtanker OP responded:
He already calls me dad, he definitely wants me to adopt him so wanting to wait till he is older to decide when he already wants it now is silly to me .
TryingNotToBeOne says:
Sounds like she is making wise, well considered decisions. You continue to be a very real part of her son's life. The more you push the more she will pull. Life is like that. Be the amazing parent you want to be, these actions, in time, may build confidence. On her schedule.
tjtanker OP responded:
I feel like she’s never to let it happen and if our relationship deteriorates I’m going to end up with nothing
Update from OP:
She has agreed to let me be the legal guardian in case anything happens to her and we will continue to wait until he is old enough to decide if he wants to be adopted. This is not what I want, but I’m willing to compromise. Thank you all for your comments.
Update 2 from OP:
After the fight I thought everything was fine and we had resolved it but then she said she needed some space and left to her sisters. She has barely spoken to me since.
It doesn’t matter anymore she’s leaving me.