'AITA for CCing my family, friends, and coworkers after my husband divorced me via email?'
"AITA for CCing my family, friends, and coworkers after my husband divorced me via email?"
Throwawayccebody
I (47F) woke up yesterday morning to an email from my husband of 21 years (50M) entitled "Working Things Out." Very deceptive title because instead of arranging a meeting or even a phone call, my husband goes on a four paragraph soapbox speech about how marriage is supposed to be "for the most part" an in person commitment and that it pains him to say this but this cannot go on anymore.
He goes on in a very clinical detached tone to describe how us not speaking for a week before our big fight and then not hearing from me for the week afterwards is abandonment for him, so he's filing for divorce.
He then asked me to tell me what things of mine I wanted him to ship and that he wants to do things fairly via mediation. Also said he'd only be responding to calls regarding our daughter and to contact his lawyer for everything else.
This is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Because, leading up to Thanksgiving, he's already been complaining that he's spending the holidays alone and it's all my fault.
For a little context, I moved with my daughter (16F) from Kentucky to Atlanta three years ago because she wants to get into acting and singing. She's now attending a performing arts high school and trying to make a living acting.
My husband was supportive at first- he sent in 60 applications to jobs in Atlanta, but even though he's been a manager at a motel for 13 years here, he only gotten entry level interviews.
My husband initially said there's FaceTime and he has airline points. But soon I saw how inflexible he was. Every conversation was unbearable because if I picked his brain, I knew I'd be running into a brick wall. Instead of learning to enjoy long distance, it was like " fulfilling marriage = long distance? Nope!"
He asked us to move back during the actor's strike. At that time, we had already agreed he could have sex with others as long as he fulfilled his other obligations. He agreed to our arrangement but dumped the woman after a month and got more petty, saying the women he wants wouldn't be into married men.
Our final fight was over when I said we were going to have a virtual Thanksgiving with my mom and wish her recovery from her surgery. He said, "why don't you come back and tell her in person?" He also said, instead of me giving input over Christmas decorations, to come back and do it in person.
He said he had more intimacy with the escort than me because it was IN PERSON and I called him a hospitality manager stereotype- unable to adapt to any change and stuck in his path.
The fury boiled over after his email and I replied and CCed the extended family and friends who only hear from him and his side, and his coworker/ friend of the family. I just wanted to tell them that the man who says he's the peacemaker is divorcing me over email and that he's been seeing other women and saying that his one month fling with an escort was more fulfilling.
AITA? My only regret is that a friend's kid got a hold of the email and I've had to shield my daughter and explain that her dad is divorcing me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Dinosaucers_
You clearly love drama.
Firm-Heron3023
Honestly, this divorce sounds like a great idea. It sounds like you’d rather focus on your daughter and his wanting a true partnership (which it sounds like you don’t) does not make him awful. It’s fair.
It is what it is. You’re not awful for pursuing what you and your daughter want, but you are/would be for continuing to insist that your husband to essentially be trapped in a loveless marriage that’s not working for him or considering his needs because it works for you. Do you work, or are you just using him as an atm?
AdAccomplished6870
About the time that she, after making an arrangement for him to seek intimacy elsewhere, mail blasted everyone their dirty laundry and accused him of sleeping with escorts and other women (unlikely she included the part where she proposed or agreed to this arrangement), she went firmly from 'two people with incompatible life plans' to 'evil, awful, manipulative, petty, and dishonest'.
The OP responded here:
Throwawayccebody
I help sew dance costumes for parents I know in the area.
Curedbyfiction
YTA. You did abandon him. Absolutely NO sympathy here. You deserve to be divorced through email.
Jumpy_Profit711
Yes, you are. That was entirely inappropriate to involve others in a very sensitive and difficult moment. You have a right to be upset. But involving others makes you look petty and and was even worse response to what was already a classless email. Given both of your reactions it's probably best that this marriage end. Find a way to do it in a way that minimizes the collateral damage.
Hot_Ad892
YTA That’s crossing the line, it’s one thing to send that if he’s claiming about something and lying. But he’s not, he seems like he tried taking to you but you literally talk over him.
That email is also super out of context and it’s manipulative af for only including certain parts. I’m sure that email doesn’t talk about the agreement you two had regarding the escort. You totally did this to be petty and congrats one more reason to hate you.
Imagine in 10 years your daughter asks why daddy hates you and he literally show her the email that you mass send everyone. It’s abusive that you would immediately take the route that potentially socially and emotionally isolates him from his life over private matters.