'AITA for taking my son's side in his divorce, even if he is being superficial?'
"AITA for taking my son's side in his divorce, even if he is being superficial?"
So, I, 46 (F) and my husband, (50)M, have two kids and my nieces we raised for years. The important ones in this story are my son, 25, and my oldest niece, 25. So anyway, my son got married at 19 while he was in the Army, to a girl he dated in high school. He did 4 years and is out now, still a reservist though moved close by, about a block away, so real close. His wife and him have 2 kids, 7 and 5.
His wife is...well, heavy. Like 300+ heavy. At about my height of 5'4. And also doesn't clean herself very well. This just happened two years ago. My son has tried to get her help, she won't go to doctors or therapy, so he has had enough and left her, bringing the kids since she has trouble keeping up with them. So he's here.
Issue is, my niece is her best friend since grade school and is saying nasty stuff about my son, he shouldn't leave his wife and take her kids because she is overweight and he's a jerk. I said he can stay here and she needs to stay out of it. My son got sick of having to do most of the work around the house because she isn't mobile, and doesn't take care of herself or kids.
So now waiting for court about the kids. Husband agrees but wants my niece and I to stop arguing. AITA?
People had a lot of comments and clarifying questions in response to OP's post.
Take the same advice you gave your niece. Stay out of it.
Aggravating_Glove919 OP responded:
But I really don't think I should kick him and the kids out or make him go home to her?
Definitely do not kick him out. If the niece is telling/asking you to do that you need to set some clear boundaries. He is making a decision and you are giving him a safe place to be. As his parent I don’t think that is “taking sides” at all.
Icy-Significance-337 wrote:
NTA. He left her because he was unhappy - for whatever reason - otherwise he would have stayed. That's how it goes. There's nothing wrong as a parent supporting your child choices. It's his choice, and this is your support. Would have been s@#$tier to be on the other side and simply put peer pressure on him to be in a situation he doesn't want to be.
astringofnumbers4082 wrote:
It sounds to me like he didn't leave her because she's overweight, but because she's not being a good partner or parent and refuses to change. I think that's a completely valid reason to leave a marriage. NTA.
Logical_Image wrote:
NTA. Those don't sound like superficial reasons to me. I assume it's mostly because of her mental health, not her weight. But also, you're a 46-year-old woman, don't engage in a 25-year-old's drama.
Edit: I didn't realize that she said she raised her niece for years, so I take back what I said about a 25-year-old's drama. Obviously, it's more nuanced than that. However, I think there's still a definite need to set a boundary with her, or at least to try to have a civil talk with her.
Electronic_Fox_6383 wrote:
If 'taking his side' means supporting him and his kids when they're in need, then NTA. Besides that though, maybe stay out of it. It sounds like there are more than enough people involved already. Good luck.
Sea_Supermarket_9728 wrote:
NTA - support your soon and give them a place to stay, but keep your opinions to yourself. People don’t get that size because they want to, it is a result of years of negative behavior stemming from untreated mental health issues. Your son has reached his limit and wants a better life for his kids. It’s understandable that he wants to get away and protect them.