Woman divorces husband over constipation; gets her kids to give her $5.5K a month. AITA?
"AITA for showing 'everybody' what my ex wrote on his final check to me?"
I (51F) divorced my ex husband ( 53M) 7 years ago. We were married for 14 years and had 3 kids together ( 24M, 22F, 18F).
I was a SAHM and I suffered from constipation that, while doctors say isn't definitely IBS, has made me suffer from joint and back pain when I eat things like dairy or any of my other food sensitivities.
We live in New Jersey and the judge made it so that child support and alimony would both end at the same time.
I had a lot of issues in my marriage, but at the very least, I have three great kids that I love and who love me. My ex has been very bitter, saying I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression.
He also discredited my want to divorce by saying I was acting out of emotion and asked me to take a step back and think, as if I haven't been thinking before.
He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed. My son now has graduated college and is a genius- he has his own app development company and makes more than my ex and I could ever dream of making in a year.
My 22 year old daughter has a degree in nursing, and is marrying and her fiance who comes from money, so she's set as well.
However, as for me, I've been suffering from menopause and back aches and a lot of the entry level jobs that would hire me would leave me in pain and exhausted. That hasn't stopped my ex from griping and dismissing my real pains.
Long story short, he sent me my last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote ' Freedom- good luck then.' It was such a mockery to the health issues I've suffered and all I've put in to the family.
I showed my friends and they agreed he's still a blunt, daft individual. My 18 yo was there and she said she couldn't believe he thought that way of her.
Then my older kids found out through screenshots, and because of my health issues, my son has been sending me $3k a month while my ex sends me $2.5k plus what's needed for our youngest daughter.
He spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resents the fact my ex proposed to his girlfriend (48F) after only 2 years. He called his dad a b@$tard and said he and my 22 yo would always help me out.
He had been saying he would just make up what I'd lose from my ex because he could afford $5.5k, but he told me my ex had been telling him to save his money and only send me under $2k.
My ex is now backtracking and saying he only wrote that note on ' my' check, but the kids are not amused. He invited them to his wedding but my 22 yo said she might be better off just focusing on her own wedding, and that she'd help me out too if I needed it. He's always painted me as the greedy ex, it seems. AITA for blasting him when he clearly wrote it to be seen?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
potenttechnicality
YTAH, maybe he is too but not from this. Was what he wrote on the check petty, yes. But you don't come off very well in your story either. e.g., 'He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed.'
He wasn't working for fun he was providing essential resources without which you couldn't have raised or properly cared for those kids. For someone who doesn't earn money, you've got an unhealthy focus on it. e.g., how significant it is that your daughter is marrying into money.
The childish note on your check was clearly directed only at you but you've made it obvious your agenda was to ensure your kids thought it was about them. That's even more petty and aggressive than the note and makes it seem not as bad in comparison.
Your divorce sounds bitter and it sounds like you've worked hard to pass your resentment along to your kids. Nothing you've told us about here earns that on his behalf. Please, don't furiously edit in a laundry list of your grievances.
BesusCristo
Yeah plus now she has convinced her children that they are on the hook to take care of her financially. What an absolute bum.
Exmormonwheels
YTA for taking so much money from your kids and for trying to turn them against their dad. Get a job, avoid dairy, and live with menopause. People do it every day.
CartographerGlass885
..........you take how much money from your kids?? are you sure you're not greedy??? get a job, lady.
beefjerkyandcheetos
YTA. Your whole vibe is just… off. Sure you have ibs or constipation. I hope you’re avoiding trigger foods. Why are you showing your kids what your ex put on the check? Why are you taking so much from them. You need that much to live? Why is it so important that your daughter is marrying into money? Why is your focus on money like this.
He was working 12 hour days to provide for his family. Do you know how hard that is on a person! Mentally and physically, it’s very draining. I’m not one to shit on stay at home moms. My mother was a stay at home mom and worked her a** off with us kids. But do not diminish your ex’s efforts and contributions to the family. Don’t try and cause rifts between him and his kids.
Also I really hate to be this type of person. But I find it hard to believe you can’t find a job and work a little. I work with people who have had knee replacements and still can barely walk. People who have had tumors removed from their Brain. A girl who has some chronic digestive disorder. She’s constantly in the bathroom.
But she works. So many people work that really have a hard time doing so. But they have to survive. You have joint pain and ibs. I’m not saying it doesn’t affect you. But… come on. You can’t get an entry level job? Call center? Nothing? Just take your kids money?