'AITA for not being upset that my friend's dog could die because of me?' UPDATED

No means no, but some people really don't get that. When a friend states a boundary, it's non-negotiable, particularly when it comes to what they're comfortable with in their own home. But some people are so used to pushing for their own way, they don't heed the clear communication. The consequences of this can be very serious.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they were wrong for not being upset their friend's dog got sick after it got into their garden.

They wrote:

AITA for not being upset that my friend's dog could die because of me?

I was hosting a big garden party at the weekend. I invited my entire friend group plus their partners, one of my friends takes her dog everywhere. I told her no pets were allowed. Although it was a garden party, we were in and out of my home and I have 4 cats. My cats do not like dogs and neither do I. Anyway my friend showed up with her dog, I told her that her dog was not welcome in my home or garden.

And asked her to please take her dog home or elsewhere. I thought my friend left. I went inside to sort some things out. I went into my garden about 15 minutes later and my friend was standing there in my garden talking to our friends. She doesn’t live that close so I was confused. I went to ask her how she got back so quickly, she told me she just popped in and was going since her dog isn’t welcome.

I asked her where her dog is and she shrugged her shoulders and said he was around. I went looking and found him at the bottom of the garden eating my crops and making a mess. I was angry and told my friend to get her dog off my property. A few hours later she called me asking me what her dog ate, I had no clue.

My gardener plants and attends everything, I told her I didn’t know, but told her he’d made a huge mess, dug things up and clearly eaten things. She shouted at me that her dog is sick and that I need to find out what the dog ate. I told her I had no idea, but I’d text my gardener to ask, but it was really her problem. I did send the text, but my gardener didn’t answer.

My friend called again wanting to know what her dog ate, but I told her I still didn’t know. She told me I obviously don’t care if her dog dies and called me an AH. I still don’t know what her dog ate, but apparently, he is very sick and might die. I feel bad, but I told her not to bring her dog on my property so I don’t feel responsible like she says I am. AITA?

ETA - After being unable to reach my gardener I took pictures of everything the dog dug up, which was a lot, and sent them to my friend, but I have no idea what it ate and what it just dug up and for all I know what it ate isn’t even pictured because the whole section is a mess.

This wasn’t good enough for her, she wants me to tell her exactly what it ate and I just don’t know and don’t want to spend hours trying to figure it out when I don’t even know if it can be figured out.

People had a lot of questions and comments.

mizfit0416 wrote:

NTA - You asked her nicely not to bring the dog but yet she did. You asked her to leave but yet, she didn't. She wasn't even WATCHING her dog. If the dog dies, it's on her.

DJ_HouseShoes wrote:

What's important right now is that you find out what the dog ate and then bill your friend for the lost plants and their replacement.

Also NTA.

PsychonauticPrimate wrote:

NTA. This is a classic case of f**k around and find out.

jess-kaa wrote:

NTA. It’s sad about the dog, but your friend should have been more responsible. It’s pretty common knowledge that there are many plants known to be toxic to dogs/upset their stomachs. And regardless of that, the dog was never welcome to begin with. Had she just never brought the dog or left instead of “popping in”, dog would be fine.

Apprehensive_Size484 wrote:

I have 3 dogs, so I do love dogs, but at same time, since they are neither service, nor support, dogs, I would NEVER take them somewhere the host/s said NO animals/pets allowed. She brought her dog anyway, then instead of taking it home, she stashed it in your garden. You're NTA, and not only is SHE an AH, she's a very irresponsible and oblivious pet parent.

After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with some major updates.

ETA 2 - My cats are house cats, they don’t go in my garden and aren’t at risk of getting sick from whatever my gardener is growing. My garden is huge and what is growing changes often so no I don’t keep track of what is planted.

Update - I blocked ex-friend after dozens of nasty calls and texts. But I got an update from a mutual friend. The dog is at dog hospital, dog is pretty sick, but is expected to make a full recovery. I managed to contact my gardener eventually, it looks like the dog ate some potatoes or something?

A lot was destroyed so even my gardener isn’t 100% sure what was eaten, but he thinks maybe the pesticides were the problem. All info from gardener was passed to ex-friend. Ex friend has seen this post and is very angry about it. Everyone say hi to Suzanne!

Hello to Suzanne, indeed.