Woman says her 'workout' alarm is more important than boyfriend's job. UPDATED
Stay with me on this one, friends.
Many people have had a cohabitation situation where sleep schedules don't match up and it can lead to a relationship-based power struggle. Now, let's factor in romantic relationships. When you share a space, but not a schedule with a romantic partner, it can get tricky and sometimes contentious. With this one, I promise, it's more complicated than you think and not what you were expecting.
'AITA for not turning my alarm off so my BF can sleep?'
Me and my BF moved in together a few months ago. Our apartment is one bedroom and we have a couch. I set an alarm for 6.30 so I can try go for a run with my friends. It's not possible for us to do this another time, unless it's at night.
BF's job doesn't have standard hours, right now he has 2 days each classified as morning, afternoon and overnight shifts, and day 7 is off. My alarm doesn't usually clash with anything because he's either already up or at work by then. So now he has afternoon shifts twice a week. By the time he gets home from those and sleeps it's 12 or 1.
The issue now is my alarm wakes him up at 6.30. Tried a vibrating one but it's useless for me. I said he can go back to sleep after, but BF's reply is that it's hard for him to go back to sleep if he's woken up like this and he needs to rest, and I don't get up. He wants me to turn the alarm off entirely.
I don't think this is fair because this is my routine, and I suggested he sleep on the couch those nights but he refused to. Reddit AITA?
Here are some early responses to the initial information:
I would probably be on your side if you immediately woke up and turned off your alarm every time, and tried to get out of the room quickly without disturbing him. But man, as someone who used to work a lot of wild shifts and had to savor every minute of sleep I could get.
People who were a little too self-involved to recognize how important my delicate sleep schedule was were the bane of my existence. You gotta do better for him...if your alarm isn't enough to wake you up, you need to change something. I'm not sure what, but this is definitely asshole behavior.
NTA because he's not being respectful of your routine. I saw the comment that you're trying to wake up but not actually getting up some days, but I don't think that matters. It's important to have the alarms to try and follow a routine.
Some compromise is needed on both sides, but he's an AH for wanting her to turn the alarm off completely. That's called being controlling. Also what type of job has these types of shifts 6 days a week? Maybe it's the cynic in me, but are you sure he's working all of those days or somewhere else?
YTA. Might be an unpopular judgement but here are my reasons. The biggest point here is that OP is trying to wake up every day, but she actually doesn't. She only runs a few days a week. Even from the main post, it says 'I can try to go for a run with my friends' and that the BF said 'he needs to rest, and I don't get up'
So you're waking your BF up but not getting up yourself. It's also not every day, just the 2 days he has afternoon shifts. OP - turn the alarm off, or sleep on the couch yourself.
The OP responded quickly:
I don't wake up some days because I'm still trying to get into the routine, which is also why he's telling me to turn it off completely because he wakes up, but I don't.
People held on to the changed verbiage the OP uses here.
In your post you literally say that this is your routine. I’m assuming you say this because it makes it hard to be flexible. But now you are saying that you’re still trying to get into the routine? YTA 100%.
YTA. You don't need an alarm to wake you up at 6:30AM. Do a Google search on 'good sleep hygiene' for some recommendations. Also, if you go to sleep late and don't sleep enough. That's not healthy for you either. Also, there are special vibrating alarms that you can wear on your arm, or on your body. Just look on Amazon. Many are pretty cheap. This is a solved problem already.
And last, but not least, this is a problem that's under your control, and so, you should be the one sleeping on the couch, not him. If the couch is not comfortable, get yourself something else.
Here's where it gets good.
A side argument then broke out between the OP and Pale-Mammoth-9340, who then did a deep dive on other posts from the OP to find out what job the OP's boyfriend had and even more about the relationship.
Edit: I just saw another reply from OP when someone asked what her BF's job is, and she said air traffic controller. I'm doubling down on my YTA. You're 1000% the AH.
I'm an air traffic controller and let me tell you, rest is extremely important. Extremely. We are literally communicating and making sure all of you are safe while flying. One wrong move from an air traffic controller can have disastrous consequences. I suggest you read this article about flight 3352. 178 people died largely because an air traffic controller fell asleep on the job.
People quickly altered their opinion with this new information.
He's an air traffic controller. If there's anyone who should be catered to around sleep schedules, it's him. His job literally holds thousands of peoples lives in the air.
I wanted to downvote this comment, but at the time it was down it was 747, which coincidentally is what’s going to happen if you don’t let your boyfriend sleep.
This is the one that makes YTA. If you're not getting up with it everyday, turn it off. If you get up with it, there might be some lenience until you either figured out how to make it work like moving to s new place, or until you separated because your lifestyles are incompatible.
But you don't have a set routine that you'd have to adjust for this, AND you don't get up. And he is in charge of 100s of lives while you can't manage getting up for a jog. You aren't the only person in you relationship. Yet.
He has an incredibly important job that he needs his sleep for.. this is terrible, YTA unquestionably!! You’ve gotta sleep on the couch on those nights or just skip the run AND alarm on those mornings.
Your goal of running daily might be contributing to why it’s hard to get up some mornings - you don’t care as much cause you’ll just get your run in tomorrow. Maybe try reducing the days so you’ll actually stick to it and to better align with bf’s schedule.