Drinking

28 people share the craziest things they have done while blackout drunk.

Alcohol is like your worst best friend, the kind of friend that convinces you to do all kinds of regrettable things in the name of a &quot;good time.&quot; As a former routine blackout drinker, I know very well that binge-drinking can lead to all kinds of bizarre and humiliating behaviors. The things I would do in a blackout were embarrassing enough to make me want to join the witness protection program&mdash;although ultimately I ended up in a different kind of program. An anonymous one.I may no longer enjoy a cocktail, but that doesn&#39;t mean I can&#39;t enjoy a story about the insanity caused by heavily imbibing. In fact, I find these stories helpful as they remind me why I&#39;ll be drinking club soda on New Year&#39;s Eve.Someone asked Reddit: &quot;What is something you did while black out drunk that you still to this day cannot believe you did?&quot; These 28 people share stories of the wildest things they ever did while under-the-influence of alcohol.DRINK RESPONSIBLY, KIDDOS.1.) From john_john_john_john_: Apparently i drank a red Gatorade from the fridge and later threw up in the bathtub and my roommates thought I was throwing up blood. Of course no one called 911 lol instead they decided to wait till the morning and ask &quot;bro was that blood?&quot; 2.) From TheNotoriousKAT: I once ate a bag of Hot Cheetos while I was drunk. A little while later my drunk sister found me laying in the back yard barfing them back up. She thought it was blood, and sat next to me crying telling me what what I good brother I was, and how she didnt know what she would do without me and begged me not to leave her (die). Once I was done throwing up enough to explain that it was just Hot Cheetos, she got very upset and yelled at me for making her think I was dying. I got mad at her for not calling me an ambulance and just letting me die in the backyard! 3.) From Delica: For some reason, my friend wanted to show that he could do a lot of squats. We both pulled our pants down next to his fire pit &macr;\_(ツ)_/&macr; and did a lot of squats. I didn&rsquo;t remember this, so I woke up terrified by how sore I was from bowling before the drinking started. I honestly spent all week having a crisis about &ldquo;This is it. I&rsquo;m getting old and my body can&rsquo;t handle physical activity.&rdquo; Then my friend told me his gf kept teasing him about us doing squats with our pants around our ankles, and I freaked out like &ldquo;Aaahhh fuck yes! I&rsquo;m not getting old yet! I can still do things!&rdquo; 4.) From 20CharacterLimitOnly: I once shit on a cop car, there was dashcam footage released looking for any info on who it might be and I recognized my hat and sweatshirt. 5.) From blickblock1000: allegedly i was saying something and spat while i was talking. A guy said &quot;aye bro you just spit on me&quot; and instead of apologizing like i would any other time i said &quot;i spit on all my bitches&quot;. Then the fight started. 6.) From ilovemygyro: Threw up on a band in Nashville during a live show. Girlfriend at the time needed to find an ATM so I drunkenly followed her. When she found one, I sat on the concrete against a metal railing. I knew I was going to be sick so I stuck my head through the railing and vomited my heart out. What I didn&#39;t realize was that it was actually about a 15 foot drop between me and the concrete. Where a band was playing...with an entire audience watching. 7.) From recklesschopchop: Punched my friend right in the face. Apparently I said I would, then he said &quot;you won&#39;t&quot; so I did. I still can&#39;t believe it. 8.) From SimplyReddit5: i got on a strangers parked motorcycle and pretended like i was riding it. then the owner came up and asked me if i wanted to go for a ride. so we went for a ride around the city. it was fun but could have ended very differently. 9.) From nighthawk580: Told my then gf (now wife) at her own birthday party at volume in front of a few other friends that we were leaving because &quot;I wanna fuck&quot;. This is way out of character. I&#39;m a real introvert and quiet. Then when she got me home I threw up all over our bed. Woke up in bed with a towel under me and a blanket on top with no idea what had happened but I knew it must be bad. Weirdly she forgave me really quickly. 10.) From Xe1ex: One of the guys in my group of friends was dating a girl. They had been together awhile, and the rest of us weren&#39;t crazy about her. Maybe because we were all young (early 20s) and he was the first one of us with a serious relationship and so we didn&#39;t see him as often. I got ridiculously drunk at a party, and ended up declaring my love for some girl I had just met, then passing out in the bathroom on the floor with the dogs. I was found at some point, and people were amused at my expense. My friend&#39;s girlfriend, rather than mocking me, helped me out. She took me upstairs, gave me some water, and put me to bed. Before passing out again I said something along the lines of &quot;you&#39;re really awesome, I don&#39;t know why everyone says you&#39;re a bitch.&quot; We didn&#39;t see our friend much for awhile. Eventually things smoothed over. They got married and I was invited, so no permanent damage done. Still, I couldn&#39;t believe I said something so stupid. I&#39;ve also never gotten that drunk again. 11.) From Nissir: I was 18 and living with some friends on a farm house in the country, as one of the few people in my social group living alone, we tended to throw some solid parties. I woke up one Sunday morning and my shoulders, back, and hands were killing me. I had a few serious blisters on my hands and had no clue where they had come from. I went downstairs, and there had to be 15 or so people passed out all over the living room, dining room, and kitchen. I woke up a friend of mine and asked him why everyone was still here. He groggily tells me that I wouldn&#39;t let anyone drive home drunk, so I had chopped down a tree, and it had fallen across the long driveway to the road. I walked about 50 yards down the driveway, and sure enough, I had chopped down a tree somewhere around 1 or 2 am, and it fell straight across the drive, blocking anyone from going home. I had to walk a few miles down the road to our nearest neighbor and ask him very nicely if he would be willing to bring his tractor over to our place and pull a tree out of the driveway. An hour an a half later, my friends all left in a conga line of cars 10 deep. 12.) From ericscharr: Without being told to do so, I decided to climb down a ladder onto a frozen canal in Netherlands. Jumped up and down until the ice broke. Then sprinted a mile to get to my friends apartment while drenched. 13.) From gunsinmypetticoat: In total, I&rsquo;ve blacked out maybe 4 times since college. I did a lot of shameful things but the one that stands out the most is when I kissed my gay best friend. To this day, some 7-8 years later, neither one of us have spoken about it. And I like to keep it that way. 14.) From FlipZer0: I take no responsibility for this incident. The &quot;victims&quot; of my blackout caused my blackout. I dont mean &quot;oh they pressured me into drinking&quot;, I mean tackled me, put a funnel in my mouth, and poured straight vodka down my throat like a God damn after school special! So I was obviously done for the night after that little incident I went and ptfo on the couch. Fast forward a couple hours and party is over and everyone is in bed, and I gotta pee but am still drunker than I&#39;ve ever been. I stumbled into the bathroom and took a piss. Even had the presence of mind to put the toilet seat up, and then back down when I was finished. I stumbled back out to the living room and found the unoccupied recliner and passed out there till morning. In the morning I limp to the kitchen for some coffee. One buddy is there smiling, and gives me the &quot;how you feeling today&quot; routine and then tells me the story of my trip to the &quot;bathroom&quot;. Apparently, I woke up and walked into the coffee table hard enough to knock the tv remote into my sleeping buddy on the floor and woke him up. He said I stumbled around the room for a minute cursing, finally stopping at the love seat. I dropped my pants around my ankles, lifted the the couch cushion and pissed into the couch. After I finished my piss I put the cushion back down then &quot;slapped the back of the couch like you were trying to find the handle&quot;. I pulled my pants back up and stumbled around the room again, this time tripping over my now baffled friend. Cursed again, got up and passed out in the nearby recliner. The homeowner said he would have been more angry if he hadn&#39;t been the one holding the funnel, and that my bathroom etiquette was very considerate considering I pissed in his sofa. TL;DR Couches don&#39;t flush 15.) From Cannibustible: I told my ex and her mom to &quot;suck on these Christmas balls&quot; when they were both trying to get me off the floor. 16.) From kchkrusher: It was not on purpose. Once at a bar I knocked a beer bottle over, it hit the floor and only the bottom came out, a perfect circle spinning like a coin, the rest of the bottle was intact (sans the bottom). I then called my mate and told him &ldquo;watch this&rdquo;, and tried to repeat the feat. I threw a second bottle on the floor and obliterated it, and we both got kicked out. 17.) From MZFaNtOm123: Blacked out at a college bar. Phone was dead, Friends had left me behind, got kicked out of the bar for being too drunk. I truly dont know the specifics of what happened but im pretty sure i asked random people to give me a ride home and everyone denied me. Fell on the floor a plethora of times. My drunk brain mustve been really desperate because i got into a taxi that wasn&#39;t on duty and the guy took me back to the main campus of the college i was at. I was visiting a friend so i didnt know here his dorm was (im also still blacked out). I broke into a random dorm, Thank god it was suite of guys, and slept on their couch. Woke up to 4 or 5 dudes surrounding me asking me who the fuck I was. I asked them where [Insert friends dorm hall] was and they pointed me in the right direction and I reunited with my buddies who basically thought i died. I still remember walking into my friends dorm with just a look of exhaustion and saying something like &quot;you will not believe what happened&quot; before i slept for like 3 more hours. 18.) From noahplow: Got onto the stage at a dive strip club and did the helicopter. My buddy said I got cheered on by all the hunters until I pulled it out and did the helicopter. 19.) From damndingashrubbery: I have a good one that i oddly enough WISH was me. Tldr: luckiest break for a drunk idiot. A group of friends went to Vegas (i had a ticket but had to cancel last minute for a funeral). One friend, Drunky, was so trashed he could barely stay awake at the blackjack table. The pit boss advised the rest of the group to escort Drunky to his room to avoid a scene. Of course, they oblige him. While walking Drunky along, they let him get too close to a roulette table, he fished a $100 chip out of his pocket and SLAPPED it down on a number like he was playing dominoes. The group is aghast and annoyed he just basically threw away $100.... It hits..... at 35/1 odds. Aghast becomes wildly excited for Drunky. But thats not good enough for him. Drunky graduates to dumbfuck with 3 words... Let. It. Ride...... the group is calling him the single biggest fucking retard anyone has ever known...... It.... Hits...... this is a bit over $120k pay out. A quick thinking buddy slaps his hand over Drunkys mouth so he cant do it again. And says &quot;hes chipping out&quot;. The whole group goes into bodyguard status to escort Drunky to the cash cage to get paid out. Then they frog-march him straight to his room, put him in bed and set his money on his nightstand. In his drunken stupor he loudly insists &quot;i dont even fucking want the money, yall just take it&quot;..... the group is tempted but fortunately for Drunky, they do care about him. After some back and forth they finally settle with &quot;look, we will take 1k each. IF, in the morning, you still dont want it, we will accept then.&quot; The rest of the group fucked off to party and Drunky slept it off. Next morning Drunky POUNDED on Quick thinkers door freaking the fuck out &quot;OMG I THINK I ROBBED SOMEBODY LAST NIGHT MAN, THERES A HUGE PILE OF CASH ON MY NIGHTSTAND AND I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE&quot;. After being told what really happened, he calmed down, repaid everyones airfare and hotel costs and had a blast for the rest of his 4day/3night stay. 20.) From Bobbinapplestoo: Trashed a hotel room in New Mexico. Broke the tank on the back of the toilet, flooding the bathroom, and some how pulled a lamp out of the wall shocking myself. I was convinced someone had broken into my room and tried to kill me. I GTFO the next day, really embarrassed about what had happened. Paid ~$500 in damages, so they did not press charges. 21.) From WordsLikeRoses: Nothing. My friends refuse to tell me exactly how my last black out played out, but they all smile at me whenever I ask. 22.) From decent694201: Singlehandedly crashing a completely random wedding in a foreign country while my grandparents watched.. (I just strolled onto their dance floor and ended up dancing with the bride for a while) 23.) From deadeyeAZ: I had a &quot;few&quot; drinks and went to bed woke up the next morning and the wife was making me a huge breakfast and telling me how &quot;brave&quot; I was to capture and take a rattlesnake from our living room and release it in the wash behind our house. Yeah I have a jigsaw puzzle memory of that. 24.) From Reddokkanbruddah: Tried to fight my friend who was twice my size, muscularly, because I thought he stole. 50 bucks from me. Turns out it was the big tittied waitress that I gave my money to so she would smash my head between her titties. 25.) From Clapperoth: I was very surprised one day to receive an email from &quot;Drunk Me&quot; reminding me to do something important. I had (and still have) absolutely no memory of sending it, but apparently Drunk Me had the presence of mind to know how drunk he was so he created an email to send to Sober Me two weeks later. Drunk Me was very smart to plan ahead this way and Sober Me appreciated it. 26.) From Wrong_Answer_Willie: many, many things 13 months sober 27.) From Aubzroolz: Was leaving a bar very intoxicated, holding my boyfriends hand for balance, and I grabbed a very tall mans ass. I don&rsquo;t remember doing that but I remember falling down right as I stepped out of the doorway and everyone cheering. 28.) ​​​​​​​From yuckytoast: Broke into a complete strangers house, turned on late-night infomercials, and fell asleep on his couch. When owner woke me up I told him &ldquo;it&rsquo;s okay, Scott said I could stay here&rdquo;. Scott was a friend in Chicago. I honestly thought that in my drunken stupor I had hopped a freight train and made it to Chicago and found his place... Meanwhile my buddy was walking all over town looking for me. I came bounding out the front door of the strangers house to hear said buddy yell &ldquo;hey!&rdquo;. He was squatting against strangers house dropping a load in the side yard. Somehow we managed to walk back to his place and fall sleep while watching super troopers in the wee early hours of the morning. 

Alcohol is like your worst best friend, the kind of friend that convinces you to do all kinds of regrettable things in the name of a &quot;good time.&quot; As a former routine blackout drinker, I know very well that binge-drinking can lead...