SAHM 'too busy' to drive daughter to gifted school, husband says 'enough.' UPDATE
Parents are suppose to want what is best for their children.
One woman knew that her daughter was advanced. She was introverted but incredibly bright. Her school took notice and recommended that she send her daughter to the gifted school so she could thrive. The problem is, that school has different hours, is two towns over, and this mom has two other children. She flat out said she would not be sending her daughter to the better school. Her husband thinks that is ridiculous because she is a SAHM, so she 'has the time.' Well, in this update, we find out that her husband took some steps of his own, leading to a whole new set of opportunities and difficulties for their children.
AITA for not sending my daughter to a different school district so she could be in gifted education?
I have 3 kids, Michelle (7), Juliet (6), and Leo (2). Michelle and Juliet are in kindergarten and first grade at our local public school. Juliet, however, is very gifted. She came into kindergarten reading chapter books and was doing math at a 2nd grade level. She’s obviously doing great academically but struggles socially at her school for a couple reasons.
Firstly, she doesn’t understand that other people’s brains don’t work like hers and tends to get frustrated when people take a bit longer to figure things out. Second, she’s just a huge bookworm and would rather spend recess reading instead of playing with the other kids, then she gets upset that she can’t talk about her books with them.
I was recently called into a meeting about Juliet with her teacher, the principal of her school, and the superintendent. They basically said that they don’t have the resources to support Juliet in her school or any schools in the district.
But there’s a school 2 towns over specifically for gifted students from 1st-10th grade, then for 11th and 12th grade, they have a building at a community college and she would be taking college courses for high school and college credit. She would have to test in to the school but her school will provide the testing.
The school sounds great for her but it’s close to 30 minutes away from her current school. It starts and ends 45 minutes later than her current school so I’d still be able to get her and Michelle to school on time but it would eat up at least 2 extra hours of my day.
I don’t have that kind of time for school drop off and pickup, nor do I have the patience to deal with a 2 year old in the car for 2 hours per day. My husband works in the opposite direction and wouldn’t be able to drop her off. We could ask my FIL, he sometimes drives the kids around for me but I don’t want to have him do drop off and pickup 2 hours per day.
My husband does not agree with me at all. He thinks I should be willing to make the drive for her and insists that I have the time because I’m a SAHM. I brought up the issue of having Leo spending that much time in the car but he says that I could just have his parents babysit.
I still don’t think it’s worth the 2 hours per day that I’d have to put in to take her to this school so I went through with enrolling her in our local public school for next year and my husband is furious with me for “ignoring her social and academic needs”.
AITA for not enrolling her in the gifted school because it would take too much time to get her to and from school?
Here are the current top comments from readers:
YTA for just saying no outright when you do have options to make this work. You could at least have asked the in laws if they’d be willing to help out, perhaps with a combo of rides and babysitting. And you went ahead and enrolled her in a different school against your husband’s wishes? That’s messed up.
This! It sounds like you didn't even ask her at all either, this is her education that we're talking about. She might be a pretty young child, but the entire point is that she is advanced and not being challenged where she is.
You're taking away the opportunity for her to actually learn and move forward in an environment that will challenge her, and instead you want to leave her in one that's most likely going to be boring and annoying, one where she doesn't seem to fit in with her peers either. And all because you don't want to drive a little more?
Did you look into any type of transportation? Ask about school buses for her or the other kids; see what other parents might be able to help out or the in-laws you decided you didn't want to inconvenience without even speaking to? YTA - at last pretend to try before you outright shut down this opportunity
Exactly! My mother ended up arranging for me to carpool with other kids and even teachers who lived nearby because we didn't have a car and the school was an hour away.
OP isn't trying at all and doesn't care that her kid is going to be so bored she's going to stop paying attention entirely and end up falling behind as a result. So instead of a prodigy she's going to end up with an angry and disillusioned drop out.
YTA, sorry but we sacrifice for our children first and foremost. The “I don’t have the patience” comment pushed it over the edge.
So the people at your local school are telling you that they can not support your daughter there, and you're saying ok, well too bad, I can't be asked to drive her elsewhere?
Being gifted is like having special needs. It is not about being better than other kids, it is about needing specialized teaching to thrive at school. Put a gifted kid into a normal class and they will be bullied and turn into an underachiever. I agree with your husband, YTA.
Everyone seemed pretty upset with this mom for not giving her daughter the best possible opportunity available to her, but it sounded like she wasn't willing to budge, until we got a unexpected update a week later.
UPDATE: AITA for not sending my daughter to a different school district so she could be in gifted education?
I found out that my husband took Juliet to get tested for the gifted school behind my back and she got in.
After he found out that she was accepted, he let our housekeepers go (we have housekeepers come twice a week) and canceled my gym membership to pay for a service to drive her to and from school, all without telling me.
As a result of his actions, I’m currently staying with my parents and we will be getting a divorce.
Juliet will be starting her new school in July (it’s one of those year round schools) and my soon to be ex just had to tear our family apart to make it happen.
I hope you’re all happy with the outcome.
Here was the verdict from readers after the update:
So you want a divorce because your husband figured out the best way to help your child?You don’t deserve your family.
You had all of your finances provided by your husband. You had housekeepers. You have a whole support system you could have called on to help get your daughter to the school she needs to go to. And you weren't even willing to try at that.
Just like any other job where you refuse to do even the bare minimum, you were fired from this job. A job with better benefits than anything you'll find in the professional realm with an entry level career.
Now you're going to get a taste of how the majority of the world works to raise their kids because you got selfish and entitled with the vast amount of luxury and privilege you had.
Now you're going to have to find a job, and you'll find out that it's very hard to find one reentering the workforce that gives you all the benefits you need and will allow you enough income to pay for housekeeping twice a week, a gym membership, and childcare when you're out of the house working after you've paid your bills to keep a roof over your head and the lights on. Get ready for a dose of harsh harsh reality.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA housekeepers (PLURAL) to clean your house while you do what??? read magazines? Watch the whole Today show??? And a gym membership?? really, you f*cked up your marriage because you're a narcissist that believes your squats and manicures are more important than your daughter's development.
You're an idiot and don't deserve the family you were blessed with. If I was in your husband's shoes I would be heartbroken but relieved to learn that this is the real you. A selfish self-important do-nothing person.