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Man reveals plan to propose after brother's destination wedding, future SIL screams 'NO.'

Man reveals plan to propose after brother's destination wedding, future SIL screams 'NO.'


Most people know that it's considered rude and tacky to propose at another person's wedding. You're basically riding the coattails of all of their expensive amenities in order to create a romantic scenario for your proposal, all while stealing the spotlight from the excited couple.

But there are other far more grey areas, like whether it's rude to propose while on the trip for a destination wedding but not at the ceremony.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for planning to propose to his girlfriend a few days after his brother's destination wedding.

He wrote:

WIBTA if I proposed to my girlfriend after my brother's destination wedding?

My brother and my future SIL will have a destination wedding in the Philippines. And they wanted us to fly in 2 days prior to their wedding day. However, they're not paying for any of our flights, hotel, food and etc. My girlfriend grew up in the Philippines and moved to the USA at 13 (She's 27 now), but hasn't visited her home country at all.

She's told me she wanted to visit the country to pay respects to her late grandparents and to see the beaches again. Well, since we're there, we planned to extend our stay for another week or two after my brother's wedding. And during that time, I plan to pop the question (we've talked about marriage, and she gave me to okay sign to propose).

I was dropping off some stuff to my brother and future SIL, and my brother joked about me getting married. I then mentioned to him that I plan to propose in the Philippines. I explained that we're extending our stay in the country and staying at a different island after the reception. My brother was thrilled, and promised to not let the beans spill.

However, my future SIL overheard the conversation and screamed at me to not do that. That the trip to the Philippines was all about their wedding, and I will be a major a**hole if I proposed. My brother chimed and said I won't be an a**hole, and it's not like I'm proposing at their wedding/reception. And might as well make use of the travel.

FSIL said that it would be taking away the attention from their wedding.

People weighed in with all of their thoughts on the matter.

mizzoug15 wrote:

NTA if you wait til a few days after. And I feel sorry for your brother. His future wife sounds like a piece of work.

goingback67 wrote:

NTA. You are waiting until their wedding is over and they are gone. Don't tell anyone else about it, and you are good. She should be saying congratulations instead of telling someone else what to do when it's not her day. She gets one day, and that's it. She doesn't get the whole month, week, year. So congratulations and best wishes!

F*ckOff_ForF*cksSake wrote:

NTA, as long as it's not during or just before the wedding, I don't see why not. Especially when you're extending your stay there.

bny-mobile wrote:

NTA, your SIL is though. As long as it's not at the festivities themselves you're good to go 👍

crazyunicorns6 wrote:

YWNBTA. You are paying for your travel, hotel etc. It is essentially a holiday with their event at the beginning. Do the wedding, go to the other island, enjoy your time with your partner exploring her home country, and then have a beautiful proposal. If SIL carries on, speak to your brother privately.

I would be concerned she'll say something to other people, maybe even your girlfriend, in order to gather supporters that your plan is wrong. Tell him you are concerned she is going to ruin this moment for you by saying something or making it into an issue.

If she threatens your surprise proposal in any way, she will not be welcome at your wedding. Hopefully, he can talk some sense into her. She doesn't own the wedding week, month, the Philippines, etc.

Sources: Reddit
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