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Woman asks if she's wrong to be upset engagement ring was smaller than agreed. Updated.

Woman asks if she's wrong to be upset engagement ring was smaller than agreed. Updated.

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In a post on the 'Egagement Rings' Reddpit page, from a now deleted account, a woman asked this: 'Does anyone else here (besides me) feel they can't partake in the ring posting on this sub because your engagement ring isn't big, sparkly, or unique enough?'

Here's her story...

I am feeling a little down after my boyfriend's recent proposal. I said yes, but I am a bit disappointed in the ring (even though I know it sounds very materialistic to say). Even when we first started talking about marriage - been dating for 3 years - I told him that I absolutely 100% wanted to be involved in picking out or designing the engagement ring.

And, since we both have good jobs, I would even put some of my own money down to get a ring I absolutely love.

What I ended up receiving was a 0.20 carat round solitaire diamond. A few things I told him about the ring as well was that round diamond solitaires on a plain band weren't my idea of an engagement ring, and it feels like he went out of the way to get me everything I didn't want

I also did tell him that because I did want a bit of a bigger stone I would pay for some myself, and he really ignored that request also.

I know this part sounds bad as well, but he also hyped up the proposal a lot and in the end it felt...anticlimactic? The whole year he said he was going to wait to propose around Christmas time when all the lights are up around town and everything feels magical. There is a cute little Victorian era themed town just a half hour away from where we live and that is the most special place in the world to me.

This town always goes all out on Christmas for decorations and theming, it really is the most charming and magical place I ever seen, and we go for walks there all the time on weekends. Now, I feel I'll just be sad when we do go there and I feel he sort of went out of his way to ruin that for me as well...That was literally my dream engagement.

He said he was going to make me feel like a princess on Christmas time (he knows how much I love the royal Christmas movies) and instead just - proposed in the bedroom before we got up for work...

I know some will say that maybe he couldn't wait and that maybe nerves got to him, but he KNOWS I would have said yes anyways no matter how nervous he was. And, quite honestly, I feel the whole 'nerves' thing is a bit of an excuse.

How come 'men get nervous' is always applied to them but it feels that women are never allowed to be nervous for anything ourselves? I know it sounds mean, but that really is how I feel.

Why does it seem he did everything wrong on purpose even when we had open and honest conversations about my dream ring, proposal, etc. and he went out of his way to get all those things wrong? Should I be honest and give the ring back?

I feel as though I spelled everything out numerous times and even though he said he'd remember to make everything special, he very well could have been too interested in what was on tv to really listen to me every single time we talked about it.

Here's what people had to say in the comments:

tarasoreasswrecks wrote:

I would be honest and give the ring back. This is a huge warning that he is disregarding all of your wants even when you've clearly communicated and agreed. It's not about the dollar value or the size of the ring, it's really about how he knew where your heart was and chose an entirely different path instead.

It feels like bait and switch so he tells you what you want to hear and does whatever he wants. If you accept it, you are accepting a lifetime of this.

OP responded:

And that last sentence is exactly what I'm afraid of happening for the rest of my life. He was always good at being a partner in general, but everything seemed to went downhill after a major life event such as an engagement. If he really is doing this because he doesn't want to marry me (just something I've been thinking about).

I really wish he'd be honest with me instead of acting like a child and getting everything wrong 'on purpose'. At this point, I feel I could honestly give myself a better proposal and ring if he (and other men) just flat out refuse to do it. Sorry, just a little pissed off right now.

Update 3 days later:

Hello everyone; I am so sorry I didn't realize how many people wanted an update to this situation. I have been distraught for the past few days and I just didn't have it in me to use the internet at all during this time.

When my boyfriend came home from work, I sat him down gently after we had both finished our dinner and explained to him that while I couldn't wait to be his wife, there were some things I would like to go over with him in regards to the ring and the proposal.

He immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was a selfish gold-digger and how right his mother was about me. I know it doesn't seem very mature of me, but I pretty much laughed in his face like 'Bro, you're calling me a gold-digger, meanwhile we make exactly the same amount of money AND I come from a wealthy family...so therefore I have more money than you and I ought to be calling you the gold-digger here.'

I tell him he's being ridiculous for not allowing me to spend my own money on my engagement ring and how I wouldn't feel hurt in the least if he wanted to do the same for his own, but then he starts shooting off some bull sh*t how women AREN'T ALLOWED to decide what their engagement ring looks like, or when and if a man decides when he wants to marry them or how he's going to propose.

At this point, I am screaming because I tell him it's f**king free (I guess besides gas money, which I pretty much pay for anyway) to drive me to the town I've dreamed of getting proposed to for ages, and it's free to look at Christmas lights and go ice skating. He tells me that my 'expectations are too high'. I tell him to get the f**k out of my face for being that damn lazy and selfish.

You know what this man-baby does next? Well, the mother needs to enter this situation somehow so he cries and calls her on his phone asking her to come pick her up. I tell him that he's more than welcome to go live with his mother until he's well into his 50's for all I care, but that beast is not stepping foot in my house.

He shouts at me that this is his house too and his mother is more than welcome to help pack his stuff. I figured if this is going to be the last time I see either of them, I'm better off just staying out of the way until they're gone for good.

Well, of course mommy has to barge into my grateful and tell me how ungrateful and selfish I was towards her precious boy. I warn her gently that if she comes anywhere near me I'll rip her hair out and push her down to the floor.

I've never felt that angry in all my life and didn't know I had it in me to stick up for myself like that. But then she starts screaming at me that I wouldn't dare and how she'd sue me, and I told her I'd claim self-defense and tell the judge that not only was she trespassing, but willingly threatening me in my personal space and/or harassing me.

She initiated the physical contact first by actually hitting my arm, and I reacted by spitting in her eye (I know how awful that sounds but at that moment when I felt my entire life was falling apart I was saying and doing all kinds of crazy stuff I didn't know I was capable of).

You know how I mentioned how strong and high and mighty she likes to act in my previous posts? She literally starts to shake and starts developing these pathetic crocodile tears and screams for her son to come get her. F**king baby acting like a tough b*tch all these years resorts to that the moment someone dares to stick up for themselves in her presence.

There's shouting and screaming on everyone's side and I just call the damn police. My ex immediately tells them that this is his house too, and the officer just looks at him and his mother in disbelief, shakes her head and asks 'This situation is already out of hand. I am going to have to ask you and your mother to leave for at least a day or two until everyone calms down.'

I am so thankful she said that I burst into tears myself. She gave me some very good advice that I wouldn't have thought of in the heat of the moment and she asked me if I could have some kind of family member stay with me for the next couple days because she was concerned they would come back and threaten me again.

Even better, I went to my own parents house and our house is empty right now as far as I know, but it is getting put on the marker asap. Oh yeah, and for those of you wondering I gave myself a 'Take this piece of sh*t ring with you' moment before my ex and his mother left for good and I threw the ring past both of their heads when they were heading to their car.

The last thing I hear my ex screaming is 'F****CK NOOOO!' because god forbid he loses his f**king $700 piece of garbage diamond ring that immediately depreciates to $200 the moment it slipped on my finger. He actually thought he could get all his money back for that thing.

I am feeling 10 times better now . The only hard thing is we are stuck co-owning a house together and need to put it on the market and try to sell it ASAP. I am even willing to accept a low offer just to get this f**ked up family out of my life for good.

Thank god I only dealt with this douche for 3 years, and the next time I smell bull sh*t coming from any partner or potential partner I'll be sure to tell them where to go, because I cannot deal with this sh*t parade a second time around.

And people (whether you are a woman or a man) - please remember this: when you marry someone you certainly do marry into their family, so whether you get along with them or not just remember you are marrying their son/daughter, and will therefore be your legal in-laws for however long you decide to stay married.

**I am so sorry if this entire post sounded incredibly immature, but that's pretty much all I can give you guys when it comes to my douche of an ex and his mother.

Please note that I have absolutely no more negative or positive emotions in regards to this situation and I am no longer thinking irrationally or planning on doing something irrational to myself or others (I don't give a f**k what my ex does, as long as he doesn't come anywhere near myself or my family).

Everything and everyone is perfectly safe and fine, and I really do feel 20 times lighter and happier than I did 2-3 days ago.

Here's what people had to say in the comments:

Run-4-Fun writes:

Oh wow who knew such drama could befall the engagement ring sub 😂 I’m here for it! OP I’m sorry about your ring, your proposal, you breakup, everything. But you are better off and in time will feel so much better.

MalignDreams writes:

I would take that as a red flag, you have no idea how many men I've met who told me their past stories of not wanting to do certain things but doing it anyway because he didn't want to 'hurt her feelings'. I actually know a man who married a woman he didn't want to marry, because he didn't want to 'hurt her feelings'.

It was the day of their wedding and he wanted to back out but he thought that he would make her cry so he didn't. And then to make matters worse he didn't want kids, but she did so he gave her a kid just to make her happy. Needless to say they got in a very horrible, aggressive divorce.

Buffalo-Empty writes:

Also I’m super glad this didn’t work out for you and your ex because that man is a POS. I remember reading this when you first posted and I was heartbroken for you. Any decent man will at least go off of what you’d like from a ring and try to make your proposal even somewhat special.

He did none of that. And saying women aren’t allowed to pick their own ring??? What kind of misogynistic bullsh*t is that?!

OP responded:

That's the reason I got as mas as I did when he started saying shit like that about women. Thank god I didn't marry that POS. And that wasn't the first time his mom kept trying to come at me and get in my personal space

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