'AITA for leaving my son's share of my estate to his daughter?' UPDATED

"AITA for leaving my son's share of my estate to his daughter?"

My spineless son Richard (38m) has prioritized his wife and stepkids over his own daughter Haley (18f). It’s happened multiple times I have decided to disinherit him and rescind his stepkids' 529 college funds. I am not here for judgment if I should disinherit him or rescinding the college funds but if it's fair to my other two kids by leaving my granddaughter an equal share of my estate.

The way my will is currently written my estate will be split equally 3 ways. I have set up 529 funds for all my grandchildren which I am the sole owner of and that is all I planned for them to receive with the exception of family heirlooms. I'm seeing my lawyer Friday to make the change. My other 2 kids (41m & 36f) says it's not fair to their kids.

Everyone agrees that Richard, his wife and stepkids are disowned and out of the family. Richard is extremely upset but you reap what you sow. He is certainly not going to leave anything to Haley now.

My other 2 kids have substantial assets themselves and will be leaving their assets to their children. I don't understand with this being the case why Haley should not get her father's portion. They think I should leave his share to all the grandkids equally. I am not so convinced. AITA?

People had quite a lot to say.

Corpuscular_Ocelot wrote:

NTA. Do not - I repeat DO NOT make one of your kids the executor of your estate. Inheritance makes people go nuts and your kids 100% sound like they would try to find a way to screw over your granddaughter. Definitely see a lawyer to make sure your son can't contest by saying he was "forgotten" or your other children can contest saying their children were "forgotten."

PresenceOk8314 wrote:

NTA it’s literally the line of succession. Their children could 100% inherit…if they forfeit their own portions. It’s unfortunate they are so greedy…they are literally adults!! Great for Haley that you’ve stepped up for her!

Remember1959 wrote:

NTA. Your other children are greedy and think Haley should be punished for her father’s neglect so that they can inherit more.

dncrmom wrote:

NTA You have 3 children so the estate is split in thirds. However, you can arrange their third to go to their own children. The other grandchildren don’t get their uncle's share. With this greedy mindset maybe you need to set up a trust for all your grandchildren to inherit & skip all your kids.

Temporary-King3339 wrote:

NTA. One, it's your money. Two, it sounds like they were on board with getting Richard out when it meant more money for them. Watching out for your grandchild who doesn't have a lot of support is a very good grandparent thing to do.

Update from OP in the comments:

For privacy reasons I was vague. Haley’s deceased mom left her some money and he split it 3 ways and put over 60% of it in accounts earmarked for his step kids. He ended up having to put it back after I got a lawyer for Haley but the damage was done. I also found out her step siblings bullied her and yes I absolutely hate my son's wife. That is really all I feel comfortable saying.

Anyway the posts gave given me a lot to think about. It was mentioned my children were greedy and trash. Those kind of comments stung but it really made me think and I was able to work through all the noise in my head.

My kids have not showed this side until recently. My son stealing from his daughter I would have never dreamed even as weak and spineless as he is. My other 2 making this money grab at the expense of their niece when they had just condemned their brothers actions. So this was either a one off or they let their mask slip. Whatever it was I have come to two conclusions.

My original intent was to make sure Haley was taken care of when I was gone but I think she needs more protection than that. I read this in a response and it’s a good idea. I am going transfer some of my assets into a trust that she can get control of at age 21.

Until then it can be administered by me. She is very mature for her age and has experienced more loss in her young life that forced her to grow up very quickly. I’m going to advise her to not mention this trust to anyone.

When I pass I’ve decided to leave equal shares of my estate to my grandchildren and pending the advice of my lawyer my kids will be getting nothing but heirlooms. I have a financial planner and I have a very experienced lawyer. I will make sure this is done right.

My kids can find out at the reading of my will. I’m not going to tell them. As far as they know all I did was disinherit Richard and add Hayley to my will and kept everything else the same. This way there will be no drama or further estrangements.

So many people asked why I told my kids about my will. They knew about the college funds and my assets being divided equally. That was about it. When I confronted Richard about stealing from Hayley I told him he was going to regret the day he ever stole from her and I was going to start with disinheriting him. I made all kinds of threats that day. That is when everything came out.

Also about taking away the 529’s away from Richards 2 step kids. Those spawns are just as bad as their mother and will never get another penny out of me. I don’t want to comment beyond they bullied Hayley but I made sure they faced consequences for their actions just like Richard and his second wife. The ugly crying was unlike anything I’ve ever seen.