Tone deaf ex-wife brings new BF to MIL's funeral; complains her ex-family was 'mean.'
Experiencing grief when a former In-law passes is normal. But is it appropriate to bring your new relationship into the space of your last relationship? Especially when your former family is experiencing grief like that?
u/lostfrndsandoldghsts was sad when her FMIL passes and she wanted support so she brought her new BF. She was shocked when the response was...'mean.' So she asked Reddit:
'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for bringing my boyfriend to my FMILs funeral?'
To give some backstory, my ex (33M) and I (32F) were together almost 11 years before we divorced just over two years ago. While it was an amicable divorce, I think it was hard on both us.
My current boyfriend and I started dating around 6 months after I divorced, and have been going steady ever since.
Now to my former MIL. She was a wonderful person. She always treated me kindly and we got along well. After my ex and I split, there wasn’t any contact, but I don’t fault her for focusing on her son rather than me, just something that happens when families split.
Unfortunately, she passed away due to some ongoing health issues recently. While I hadn’t spoken to her in quite some time, it really affected me, and I’d be lying if I say I didn’t cry. She was in my life for 11 years, and she is someone I will never forget.
Well, that's very sad
Her funeral was slated in my exes hometown, and myself and my family cleared it with ex's family that we would be ok to attend.
I was nervous about attending, and knew I was going to be a mess of emotions at the funeral, so I asked my boyfriend if he would attend to help support me, and he said he would.
Uh-oh...
The day of the funeral arrived and while I wasn’t expecting anyone to be crazy nice, the response I got was a bit more…mean? As soon as I arrived with my boyfriend, we got some glares from both my exes family, and some of my former friends that still keep in contact with my ex.
We were in the main room waiting to go into the service with my family, when a friend of my ex came over and bluntly told me that my boyfriend was not welcome, and he needed to leave. I was taken aback by this, but honestly, I didn’t want to take away from the funeral and cause a scene. We left and the rest of my family stayed.
I got a text later that night from another former friend telling me it was extremely rude to bring my bf to the funeral. I didn’t respond, but I guess I thought that after almost 2 years of being separated, it wouldn’t be such a big deal…AITA (Am I the a-hole)?
Someone's mother died and their ex brought her new BAE to the funeral. Was Reddit more forgiving that her ex's family and friends?
BigBayesian says:
YTA (you're the a-hole). Why’d you bring your boyfriend, who didn’t know the deceased but would be a slap in the face of anyone who resented you from your breakup? That’s a very selfish and strange thing to do. You’re not an AH for bringing him on the trip, but “leave that guy who doesn’t know anyone in the hotel” would be the polite thing to do.
Makes sense.
Same with bringing your Uber driver. He didn’t belong there, and if you needed his support to deal with the death of someone you haven’t interacted with in years, and that need takes priority over that person’s family, then you’re an a-hole.
Eastofdark was on OP's side:
Why should her partner of 1.5 years be an issue? The marriage has been over for years. Cheating doesn't seem to have happened. I just don't get why anyone should care and why OP should not have this support. This seems really petty. And fussing about this is what isn't appropriate at a funeral.
Ok-Commercial-8743 thought OP was full of it:
No 6 months is quick. The divorce clearly wasn’t that hard on you.
At the end of it all, OP did admit fault but was not having the judgment about her new relationship, in general:
I get that people think 6 months is quick, trust me, we’ve heard it since we started dating. But he is a great guy, and he’s been my rock throughout the past two years. I’ll accept I was the a-hole for bringing him, that I can understand. But everyone seems to have an opinion on how quick we were a thing, which is rude.