'AITA for kicking my BF's ex and their kids out of the house I rent to them?' UPDATED

"AITA for kicking out my Bf’s ex?"

Here's the original post:

I (36F) and my BF (42M) have been together for a 7 yrs. We have both been married and divorced before and like to be financially independent of each other and keep things pretty separate. What’s mine is mine and what’s his, is his.

I am CF have worked my up in my field and am comfortable. My BF doesn’t earn what I do. He pays a lot of child support to and contributes(as he should) to all of his 5 kids after school activities. So our deal between us is, I pay all of our house hold bills/ loans/ food and he looks after his kids and contributes what he can to our household.

5 yrs ago I brought a home for us and I even we as far as buying a home the would suit his kids so they would feel comfortable when they came and stayed with us. This caused a lot of drama, his ex felt that I was trying to buy the children and in her words ‘she only got the house to rub in how much better she thinks she is’.

I have always kept my distance from from his ex, it was a messy divorce for them which she blamed on me, even though I didn’t met my partner until they’d been separated for nearly a year. She has a history of DV to him and my presence makes it worse.

18months ago I got a great job opportunity which would mean we would need to relocate 12 hours away from our current home. After discussions between BF and I and my BF and his ex, we agreed that we would make the move for my job, and would rent my house to his ex for an incredible discounted rate with the agreement that this would be for 2 years.

Recently, my work circumstances have changed and we have relocated back to our home town again. My BF and i have found a small rental in the meantime. But since coming home, his ex has become more aggressive, particularly with me.

She has told my partner the children have always hated me and were only nice because of him but don’t ever want to see me again. She has accused me of trying to buy the kids love, making her look a bad mother and for basically being the root of all evil.

Which is whatever to me, I do love the kids in my own way, but would hate to make them choose or feel uncomfortable by being around me, so we are making sure that my BF spends as much time as possible with kids and attends any sports or school events without me and when I go away from work, they come to our house.

I’ve suggested therapy or counseling but the ex wont hear it, making it sound like I’m calling her bad mother for suggesting it. The 2 years is ending and I want my house back. Basically the ex is saying if I’m rich enough to pay for a rental and pay a mortgage now I should let her and the kids stay in the house and since the kids now hate me it would be a waste of space for just my BF and I.

And this situation is also leading to kids telling my partner that they hate me even more for kicking them and their mother out of their home.

My BF is very torn, he just wants his kids safe and happy

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:

Gumgums66 said:

NTA it’s your house. Don’t let her manipulate you just because you can afford it and she can’t. Gives me the vibes of this lady I read in a magazine years ago. She won £1.4 million on the lottery and people stole her car that she lent them because ‘you can just buy a new one’. Just because you can afford a different house doesn’t mean you owe this woman your house.

Give her a months notice and you’re gonna have to accept it if the kids are angry. You can’t control how they feel and if they’re gonna be mad at you and not like you anyway, then that’s up to them. They need to learn that they can’t just walk over people and get what they want, which is what their mother is clearly teaching them.

Timely_Proposal_1821 said:

NTA - so you pay most of your household bills so your bf can pay child support comfortably, you let the ex rent your house at a big discount, you don't go to events to keep the peace between your bf and his kids/ex ...

Put your foot down now. You're bending backwards to please them, only for ex to continue treating you like dirt. It's not healthy for you to let the ex walk all over you. And it's a terrible example for the kids. Your bf doesn't get a say. It's your house. Kick the ex out.

Prangelina said:

NTA. They should decide - either they hate you and then they should hate your money as well and move out... or pull their shit together. I cannot imagine a person so delusional that they can think "I hate you but you should of course provide for me."

Hairy-Dark9213 said:

YTA. - to yourself. You completely support your husband financially, you pay for everything he only pays for the kids he had before he met you. Now you're supporting the ex-wife too in a home that you own.

You are being massively taking advantage of and I don't know how you can stand it. Sell the house and buy the perfect home that you want to live in maybe let your husband stay there. The ex-wife can get her own place to live.

WaywardMarauder said:

NTA. It is your house and you need it. Your BF’s ex has managed to poison the kids against you and their father and allowing her to live there isn’t going to change that or make it better.

And PsychologicalBit5422 said:

Seriously. What are you getting out of this relationship with any of these people?. Including that husband.

Verdict: NTA.

Four months after her original post, she shared this significant update:

I’ve had some messages for an update on my original post so if you’re interested in the back story, check out my profile. But ultimately, I wasn’t the AH, I was the moron.

After reading a lot of comments on my original post, I decided that while yes I wanted my house back I also didn’t really love the idea of living in the house the nasty women had lived in for longer then I, it didn’t feel like my home anymore and I really wanted my home to feel like my home. So I decided to sell. I spoke with my BF and he was really none committal on the situation but said it was my decision.

I gave the ex the option to stay in the home and I would sell it as an investment property with a tenant or she could move out. She went with going absolutely batshit crazy and decided to out hers and my BF’s reignited ‘emotional’ love affair!

As it turns out, since my BF and I have returned to our home town, and I still have to leave town frequently for work, they had gotten close again. The ex sent me a arse load of screen shots of steamy messages/ pictures and long winded messages whinging about me and that maybe I would just let them have the house if my BF and I separated, since I wouldn’t need all that space.

I obviously confronted my BF and he looked incredibly panicked but admitted to all and said that it was more of a emotional relationship and it had not turned physical, and he was very very sorry and embarrassed and was only leaning on her for comfort because I was away a lot, he also missed his kids and he felt emasculated by me a lot of time.

There plenty of other reasons and excuses not even worth mentioning. Needless to say, I am now single. Have kicked him and her out, and placed the house on the market for sale and have just put an offer on a cute little townhouse on the beach. I’ve downloaded tinder tonight after a few wines and thought it was a good time to let Reddit know that most of you were right on my original post!

Life isn’t great but I’m sure it’ll be again one day.

She later followed up with this comment:

Honestly, I’m a little bit emotional about how nice and supportive you’re all being! I’ve been kicking myself stupid for the last few months about being so obtuse and people pleasery about the whole situation. I’m sure those comments will come, but I can promise everyone no ones is more critical then myself right now. But I just had my first match on tinder so I’m hoping things are looking up!