'AITA for refusing to leave a baby shower because my ex didn't want her BF to see me?' UPDATE

"AITA for refusing to leave my friend’s baby shower just because my 'ex' didn’t want her boyfriend to see me?"

Here's the original post:

She’s not technically an ex since we were never in an actual relationship. I (26M) was back home for a few months almost 2 years ago. We hooked up for I’d say 4 months until I flew back out of state for work again. Her and I didn’t see eachother again just recently at this baby shower.

I guess they became friends through this mom group (my friend has one other kid) and they became good friends so that’s why she was also invited. And I was gonna say hi when I saw her there but she ignored me. Then that’s when I noticed she was there with her boyfriend and their baby so thought it was better to keep my distance.

But she actually approached me like 10 mins later by the bathroom in the house. She asked me if I could leave because she’s with her bf, and it’s just very awkward with both of us there at that party.

But like I haven’t even approached them at all so why would it be awkward if we don’t interact during the party? She wasn’t letting it go, she actually told me please and it’s complicated. I told her if her boyfriend doesn’t know we have a history then he won’t need to because I honestly don’t care, all I’m doing is being here celebrating one of my close friend’s day so if she leaves me alone I’ll leave her alone.

That didn’t end up being the case. They left not even an hour later. I kept my word though about not going near them but one of my friends told me her boyfriend saw me and for whatever reason they started arguing. It wasn’t subtle either. They went to the front of the house but you could still hear what sounded like them raising their voice at eachother.

And a few mins later I saw her walking to my friend probably telling her bye but she definitely looked right at me after that like she’s super pissed. Everyone at the party was confused after so they were all talking about it for the rest of the time. For the first time in a long time she texted me since I never changed my number, she told me thanks for ruining a party when all of this could’ve been avoided.

I asked her what could have been avoided but again she doesn’t tell me. She just thinks it’s my fault for whatever sh!t went down. Then after my friends found out she asked me to leave they think I’m TA for not doing that.

The whole party was meant for my friend and it was turned into some drama just because I wouldn’t leave even if it was for some unknown reason. Idk what to think now. Or why it was such a big deal that we were at the same party when neither of us even talked at all. AITA for being the cause of a scene because I denied her request?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say about it:

zoloblaze said:

NTA - If she would've kept her distance, none of this wouldn't have happened. You realized and kept your distance, and it was two years ago. If you're still stuck on a hook up from years ago while in a relationship, there is an issue. And you're also a friend of the host, so she has no right to tell you to leave.

SpaceGirl868 said:

Nta. She made you both being there an issue. Why do you have to leave because she felt uncomfortable. So unreasonable.

guessmyageidareyou said:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NTA. Dude. Her bf knew she cheated. And she probably admitted it was you. Then he saw you there, and it stirred up sh!t.

Alternative_Year_340 said:

NTA assuming there’s no chance the baby is yours, it sounds like the BF may be abusive — jealous and controlling. Or that you were the side piece and didn’t realise it

[deleted] said:

Sooo…how old is the kid? Maybe say, a year to a year and a half-ish? You’re NTA, but something is super weird there for a short hook-up unless her current boyfriend is just insanely jealous about everything. Either way, she ruined it, not you. If she had the problem, she gets to leave. That’s how it works. But serious, do some math to see when that kid was conceived.

And RiByrne said:

Oh, honey. Oh, honey. You need to figure out if that kids yours and fast.

Verdict: NTA.

He later shared this wild update on the situation:

Damm I don’t know what to say . But everyone really wanted to know what happened. Gonna start of first & say I spoke to my friend who’s baby shower it was to apologize for the drama, I had no idea that was gonna happen. Just so she hears it from me first like a commenter suggested I do. She had no idea my ex and I had a past, but she told me it was fine.

The party awkward after but that’s on them and she doesn’t blame me. It was great to hear because this was meant for her to celebrate her baby. And as her friend I wanted to be there celebrating with them. So I got all the confirmation from her (plus you guys 👍🏻) that I wasn’t TA.

Obviously all of u want to know the answer to the main question if this baby was my kid or what was their deal after all. We did talk on the phone. She went first and beat me to that topic. Probably read my mind because she started off with telling me she had something important to talk about after apologizing for blaming me about the party.

To sum it up we agreed to get a paternity test done asap because I couldn’t handle this curiosity it was already driving me crazy. He is definitely my kid. I’ve looked at the results a million times since they got back. But she already knew my son was mine. She found out she was pregnant after i left.

She didn’t want to tell me because when I went back for work she wasn’t told until after I’d already flew back. And that hurt her. Since it seemed like I didn’t care much she was scared i wouldn’t be willing to go back and help take care of our kid. This was hard for me to hear. I was actually crying when we talked about it in person.

I’m still in shock learning this but she let me come meet him a day ago and it was emotional af. Holding him really got me. He’s so damm big already. That whole day I spent it with my son then we stayed up late talking about how we’re gonna do this then. This is new to me so we’re gonna go with the flow. But holy f@ck I have a son!!! That’s so crazy right?

Far as her boyfriend, seems like wasn’t cheating. At least from what she tells me and the little bit of info I got from him (which he was pissed about) They weren’t exclusive either but after she got pregnant he was only willing to be around as long as I wasn’t . And obviously seeing me pissed him off because he thought I was still living out of state.

It’s a mess right now but he doesn’t wanna be around if I am. But my son is my kid. She told me not to worry about their relationship because the only thing she wanted was to make sure was my son had a dad in his life. Even if I’ve got no idea what I’m doing rn being his dad is what I want to be for him. We already missed on all this time. I’m excited to see him again tmrw