Woman won't leave vacation for sister in labor; attends funeral over meeting baby. AITA?
"AITA For not changing my plans to accommodate my sister’s baby"
No-Drawing-7792
My sister [34F] just gave birth to my nephew last week. She’s had several miscarriages, and even this baby was born 6 weeks premature. Understandably, she’s being very precautious about who is able to meet the baby due to the surge of the flu, etc.
My husband and I are also expecting our first baby, but we’re not due for a few months. This was a planned pregnancy and we found out we were pregnant soon after my sister announced her pregnancy. She was very excited to share the journey together.
Before we had our baby, my husband and I planned a couple of last minute trips for ourselves. We want to enjoy the last remaining months of being able to travel without the stress of baby while we still could.
Months ago, we discovered there was going to be a showing of our favorite play in a city 5 hours away, so we booked a fancy hotel, made dinner reservations at a nice restaurant, and took a couple days off to go.
The day we checked into the hotel, my sister’s water unexpectedly broke and she went into labor. She immediately called me and wanted me to drive the 5 hours back home. I asked her if I needed to be there.
She said the hospital was only allowing 3 people in the room with her, and one wouldn’t be me. So I told her I didn’t want to waste the thousands of dollars I spent on my trip to go to waste.
She said fine, but that I wouldn’t be allowed to meet the baby because I was traveling and who knows what kind of diseases I was going to pick up. I told her I understood, and wished her the best and to let me know how it went.
Thankfully she had an easy labor and my nephew was born a couple hours later. She FaceTimed my husband and I telling us how it was a shame we couldn’t meet him until we quarantined for 2 weeks. We said we were more than happy to wait.
It had almost been 2 weeks when we received a call from a close friend of ours who lives in a city 3 hours away that her husband, one of my husband’s close college friend, passed away in an accident. The funeral is Saturday (today), so we made last minute arrangements to go.
Now my sister is blowing up our phones and demanding we don’t go because we will have to wait another 2 weeks to meet my nephew. I told her, once again that we don’t mind waiting to meet him but she’s saying that we don’t care about him.
I told her that I wouldn’t expect her to change her plans because of my baby so she shouldn’t expect us to change ours because of hers. My parents aren’t siding with either of us, which is making her even more upset. So AITA for not changing my plans to make my sister happy?
Edit: I do want to say a major reason why we didn’t immediately leave our trip the first time was due to the distance. My husband had just driven 5 hours to get to the hotel. I’m already huge at this stage and sitting in a car for that long was very painful.
We would have had to get back into the car and driven another 5 hours to get home. By that time the visiting hours at the hospital would have been closed and I wouldn’t be able to see her.
She picked my mom, BIL, and her MIL to be in the room with her and those were the only people allowed to stay after 7pm. When I pointed that out she responded with the 2 week rule and I told her I understood. We still FaceTime once a day, and she has a very strong support network. She hasn’t been alone any at any time, so she’s getting help.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Markeerstiften
NTA, sister is mad you’re adhering to the rules SHE set up.
Heavy_Sand5228
And a horrible tragedy like the unexpected passing of a loved one takes precedence over meeting your nephew (which you can do at any time and it’s not like he’s going to remember right now anyway).
DontAskMeChit
"My parents aren’t siding with either of us."
Smart parents. NTA. The passing of your friend of course was unexpected. You cannot miss giving your condolences. Thankfully your nephew is happy and healthy, two more weeks won't cause an issue. Your sister is understandably disappointed in the delay, but she needs to be realistic and understand the world does not revolve around her and baby.
That_Guy_Pen
NTA it's a newborn baby. You coming over to see it immediately isn't crucial to anything. Like she can be upset that she wants you to meet it I guess sure. But you have your own life and it's not like you're saying "I want nothing to do with this baby. Do not try to thrust familial pressures onto me wench!" What? Is it gonna remember that you weren't in it's 1st month of existence? No it's a baby.
assf4t
NTA. You couldn’t have foreseen having to go to the funeral (my condolences) and it wouldnt have been fair for you to lose out on your trip and money. Besides, you were already out of town when the baby was born, so you might have still had to quarantine anyways.
Jmac_files
NTA and your sister is being manipulative. You’re driving a couple of hours away and you could as easily catch covid in your local gas station.
She can set all the boundaries that she wants and you’re free to live your life as you choose. I feel like she’s going to isolate herself if she won’t let anyone meet her baby if they have left a one or two hour radius from their home.