'AITA for saying that I would choose my adoptive daughter over my pregnant wife?'
"AITA for saying that I would choose my adoptive daughter over my pregnant wife?"
So I (43m) and married to (32f) wife. She was the intern of a different department of the company I worked for when I met her. We dated for a few years. We both brought "children" into our relationship. She met this struggling teen (we're going to call A) and she kind of adopted her as her own.
My adopted daughter I met when she was a middle school and I adopted her when she was 18. My adopted daughter was abandoned by her so called mother when she was barely 13 and that was around the time that I met her.
Due to my previous relationship with my ex-wife being an an addict and my sister abusive husband. I ended up kind of neglecting her. There was a time where she was hurt and needed me and I prioritized my sister and my wife over her. Which only reinforced the idea that she's not anyone's priority.
I made a promise to her that she was my priority and that she would always be because she is my child. Anyway, all of us and some friends were playing a game and somehow we got to playing 'would you rather' about our co-workers and somehow that led to me being asked would I save my pregnant wife or would I save my adopted daughter?
I stated that I'd save my daughter every time over. It upset A to hear that I would choose my daughter over my wife and child stating that it didn't make sense that I wasn't choosing my own blood.
My friend Jay says I'm ahole because I made the choice when I shouldn't have. My wife didn't say anything but I could tell that her feelings were hurt. So am I the ahole?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Willing-Helicopter26
YTA. You "adopted" an adult and are willing to "choose her every time" over your pregnant wife? There are some serious issue going on in yiur relationship with your wife if this is the case. Obviously this game is provocative but wow are you messing up priorities.
chaserscarlet
A pregnant wife who is probably very close in age to his adopted daughter. A wife he started dating when she was an intern. Icky AF.
Willing-Helicopter26
Truly; this guys sounds like he's super problematic.
Last_nerve_3802
YTA due to your history of screwing over/screwing such younger women and playing mind games with them - oooh today i CHOOSE YOU!
BayTerp
YTA you could’ve just not answered the question.
Outrageous-Badger715
YTA- You strike me as the kind of person who has had his fingers broken trying to get the cheese out of the mousetrap. Just because somebody asks you a question doesn't mean you need to answer it, and you probably shouldn't if it's going to hurt somebody that you care about.
And if you didn't think that you were going to hurt somebody by that statement... you're planning on becoming a father to a baby? Please learn quickly, it's important that you learn what kind of things upset people.
chaserscarlet
YTA you don’t answer the question. At the bare minimum you should have at least hesitated. And in the end you chose to save one person in your family over two of them which just makes it even more unjustifiable.
Based on your history it sounds like you’re incapable of caring for more than one person at a time. Get your shit together because you’re about to have two children and you need to care for them both equally.
Music_withRocks_In
This is going to do so much damage to his relationship. When you are pregnant you are so vulnerable, and your instincts are screaming at you to protect the baby. Finding out your partner - the person who is suppost to help and defend you when you are so vulnerable (a situation he helped put you in) wouldn't choose you is going to really mess with her subconscious.
It's a giant statement that she can't trust him, and she may dismiss it on the surface, but it is going to sink down to her hind brain and push her to find someone she can trust.